Hi everyone!

I just wanted to check in and let everybody know that it's day 5 for me, from cold turkey off of an off an on for 5 years evil pain pill addiction. I was taking about 15 or so norcos every day. The worst I got was probaly 30 pills a day, a tapering day would be as low as 5. But never without.

But today, on my 5th day sober- I FEEL GREAT!!!!!
I have been more productive today than I've been in months. I was starting to wonder when withdrawals would end, and they are OVER.

If anyone's lurking and thinking about quitting, don't let fear of withdrawals hold you back. Bite the bullet, feel sick for a few days, then you're gonna be ok. I'm not stupid, I know that now it will be the mental battle. But I don't want pain pills at all anymore. The difference between now and the last time I quit was last time I was OBSESSED with pills. I slipped on my 3rd or 4th day, I kept hidden stashes. Not this time. I don't want anymore. I want to live. I want to be here for my daughter and not be numbed out, missing my life and hers through an opiate daze. Screw it, it's not worth it.

I've been on the vitamin regimin, l-tyrosine, b6, st. john's wort, multi, plus an energy formula I got at the vitamin store yesterday. I've exercised twice. Not great, but hey, I never exercised before, so that must be helping. I've taken 1/2 a xanax a couple of nights to sleep. I woke up feeling crappy after that though, so I'm not going to be doing that anymore. Don't want to trade one demon for another.

Just wanted to let everyone know that it's so worth it. There are so many success stories on here that inspired me, and I'll continue to post to hopefully inspire others.

Marilyn, I hope your interview went great today.
Take care everyone!!! :blob_fire

Debbie

Awesome Debbie. You should feel so proud of what you are doing. During the first week, I can remember that I felt like I was in a haze-really couldnt concentrate, didnt have much energy, etc. Everyone is different and I hope each day gets better and better. I hope you dont have one , but if you have a crappy day, dont be afraid to share here.

Deb, what can I say except :blob_fire :blob_fire Congratulations!

You should be so proud of yourself! Look at what you have accomplished! Remeber, one day at a time ok? As you know its day 5 for me to. I'm gonna start my own thread as I do not want to hyjack yours! I want you to bask in the glory!

Your friend,
Marilyn :wave:

Debbie;

Great news, it only gets better and better.

I'm very happy for you!

phil

Thanks Phil and everyone!

Well, today was day 6. First day back at work. This was trickier. I had urges for pills. I didn't actually want them, but the habitual part of this kept kicking in. Before I went to lunch, I kept thinking I was forgetting something. Yea, to pop 2 or 3 pills. Afternoon slump- same thing. Got in my car to go home, oh yea, I don't pop pills anymore. Today was my first day at my job straight. How sad is that? I feel tired and a bit aggravated, but I don't want to use. Today was just a bit more difficult, but not bad.

Marilyn, if you're out there, how was your day 6?

I've got to get dinner and bathe my kid. No time to post! argh!

Love y'all!

deb

Hey Deb,
Just read about your first day back clean. Did I understand you to say this is the first time ever clean at this job? You know what I would do? I would start a count down for that major accoplishment. Tomorrow you will have 7 days clean and 2 days clean at work. Before you know it the days will mesh together.

I am very, very proud of you.:blob_fire It must have been a tough one but you did it today and you will do it tomorrow and the next. We really have to remember what we are accomplishing. Get some good rest tonight.
Gonna be on the boards for a while, give me a shout if you like.

Marilyn:wave:

Hey Marilyn,

Yea, that's right. I thought I needed pills to talk to people, to send emails, to basically do every aspect of my job. Isn't that friggin nuts??? Obviously I didn't. I'm sure I'll be a better salesperson straight. But it was weird, you know. It felt like when I quit smoking and always felt like I was forgetting something b/c I didn't have my cigs. I'm smoking now, but have been thinking about quitting. I figured, if I can stop the pills, I can quit the smokes. I think I'll get a month of clean pill time under my belt then quit the smokes.

So, how are u feeling? How are the interviews coming along? I've got to go finish more crap. Gosh, my real work starts when I get off work. I'm sooo tired!

TTYL! :-)

Debbie

Congratualtion Debbie!

I've been keeping up on your progress, and think you are doing GREAT!! I'm on day 42 (I think) clean from percs, and when I look back at the fact that I was popping 2 percs every 3 hours at work for several months - I just can't believe I EVER did that. Soon you will come to the same place, more comfortable with yourself, and you just won't believe that you were ever that person. Keep up the great work, and enjoy the feeling, it only gets better!

Yours truly,
Paul

I am so happy to hear you made it through and your feeling great. Why did I feel like crap for 3 weeks. I was probably doing more and I don't think having pnemonia, a tooth infection, and a spider bite that got infected all at the same time helped much either. I am so proud of you. I was wondering how it went. I am sure you will have bad set back days. It is so great not being a slave to those pills anymore. Always making sure you had enough, if not wondering when you can get more. Uhggggggggg! just thinking about it makes me so greatfull. Keep up the good work, and give that little girl a big hug from me.

It is funny looking back at things while off the pills how those TINY little pills would control our every action. When I got clean I was scared about going out because I wouldnt know how to act and what to do. I'm pretty sure before I was on them I was still a person and still went out and just didnt lay in the house. Without the pills I'm still able to function man how I lied to myself that I NEEDED them to get in the shower like what they helped me wash my hair, silly but true. Hell I needed them for everything now I dont need them for nothing it was dumping a no good lying decieving boyfriend (except it was pills) that I should have dumped long ago so they are gone now!!!! SO keep it up and stay strong, Kim

You guys are the best! Yea, I used to pop pills to do the dishes, pop more for laundry, pop them to wake up, pop them to go to bed. Good grief!
Today was HARD. Not pillwise though. I'm sick. Sick as a dog. Not dope sick, just flu sick. There's something nasty going around at work and I've got it. Looks like my kid is getting it too. I guess I had some pill urges on the way home, feeling so bad and thinking they would help me get through the night. Poor me, blah blah I deserve pills. But my rational voice reminded myself that I would still be sick, even on the pills, only then I'd be full of self hatred and loathing as well as coughing and sneezing. :-) So I didn't try to take any. I dont have any to take, but it never got to that point of thinking about them that hard. Yesterday, for the first time in years, I took my empty script bottle out of my glove box, the one I always had in case I ever got caught with 20 or so in my purse's inside pocket (my little stash place) and I pulled over to a 7-11, scratched my name off of course, then tossed that bottle in the trash. That felt really good. I can't tell you all the times I've been taking clients to lunch (I'm in sales) or had people from work in my car with me, worrying if they would open my overflowing glovebox and have my empty norco script bottle fall on them! It feels great to be free, but I am having a little pity party that I've made it a week and feel so bad. I know I'm just sick, but the weekend, sick. Damn. Oh well. I was sick as a dog last weekend b/c I had quit cold turkey. Now this does look suspicious to my family and friends. Who the f&*k gets sick for the weekend? LOL. Just me.
Hope everyone else is doing good, and thanks so much for your kind words and care!

Debbie

Hi Debbie, I just read your story and you inspired me so much. I am tapering right now and when you said that your life as well as your childrens life passes you by in a daze;You are SO right. You have inspired to me to continue to get clean!!!! Thank you.......Mara
Hi everyone!

I just wanted to check in and let everybody know that it's day 5 for me, from cold turkey off of an off an on for 5 years evil pain pill addiction. I was taking about 15 or so norcos every day. The worst I got was probaly 30 pills a day, a tapering day would be as low as 5. But never without.

But today, on my 5th day sober- I FEEL GREAT!!!!!
I have been more productive today than I've been in months. I was starting to wonder when withdrawals would end, and they are OVER.

If anyone's lurking and thinking about quitting, don't let fear of withdrawals hold you back. Bite the bullet, feel sick for a few days, then you're gonna be ok. I'm not stupid, I know that now it will be the mental battle. But I don't want pain pills at all anymore. The difference between now and the last time I quit was last time I was OBSESSED with pills. I slipped on my 3rd or 4th day, I kept hidden stashes. Not this time. I don't want anymore. I want to live. I want to be here for my daughter and not be numbed out, missing my life and hers through an opiate daze. Screw it, it's not worth it.

I've been on the vitamin regimin, l-tyrosine, b6, st. john's wort, multi, plus an energy formula I got at the vitamin store yesterday. I've exercised twice. Not great, but hey, I never exercised before, so that must be helping. I've taken 1/2 a xanax a couple of nights to sleep. I woke up feeling crappy after that though, so I'm not going to be doing that anymore. Don't want to trade one demon for another.

Just wanted to let everyone know that it's so worth it. There are so many success stories on here that inspired me, and I'll continue to post to hopefully inspire others.

Marilyn, I hope your interview went great today.
Take care everyone!!! :blob_fire

Debbie

Hi Mara!

Thank you so much for that! That makes me feel so good, because so many people on this board have reached out to me, complete strangers giving me something to hold on to. Mara, I'm on day 9 without pills and I feel good. I've been sick this weekend, which is a drag, but I'm not fuzzy headed without the pills and I'm not craving them. I just crave health! I went thru withdrawals last weekend when I quit cold turkey, finally got to feeling great on about day 5, then on day 7 I caught a nasty bug. But oh well. Life goes on, my friend. Good luck with your taper. I've never done well with a taper. I could be ok for a few days, then something would happen, I would want to catch a buzz, then I'd just go nuts and take a ton of pills. I have a real "all or nothing" personality, so cold turkey worked for me. I need to find moderation in my life. I'm either on a diet, eating like a rabbit, or eating like a pig. Anyway, I'm trying to fix one thing at a time, and I am sooo glad I got rid of the pills! You don't need them. Your mind trickes you, they trick you. But it's a bunch of bull. You'll be happier without them.

Let me know how you're doing and thanks for your kind words.

Debbie

Debbie;

Outstanding news, I'm pressed for time and will write more later but wanted to say how proud I am of you and so haapy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


phil

Aww, thanks so much Phil! You helped me so much the last time I quit. LOL. That sounds terrible, "the last time." But when I quit in Jan/Feb, it was the first and only time in prob. 4-5 years, and I never thought I could do it. I was hanging on by a wire then, and I relapsed. But I relapsed with the knowledge in the back of my mind that yea, I can quit. I had lots of regrets that I let the little demons slip back in. At first it was one on occaision, then one or two a day, then 2 as soon as I woke up, 2 at my first smoke break at work, 2 before lunch, 2 after lunch, 2-3 when I got off work, more when I got home, and I'd be aggravated and wonder why..... On the day I decided to take 3 in the morning, I remembered how I was taking 4 at every intervel, last winter. And I thought- STOP THE MADNESS!!!!! I just spent about $700 on the last binge too, which is so horrible. I wish I could go back in time and get my money back!!!! I need it! But I'm not going to beat myself up. I'm feeling better today. YEA! Finally kicking this cold's butt. I've been productive and it's been a nice day with my daughter. I'm not 100%, but I'm not stuck in bed at least. Have a great Sunday everybody. :wave:
Day 9 and I'm feelin' fine..... ;-)

Debbie