My mom is 84 and her dementia is getting worse. Her anger towards my dad is driving him crazy. She blames him for things that happened years ago. She can't walk very well but demands that my dad take her to the store. He is not a patient man so I offer. She says other husbands take their wives to the store because she sees them on telivision and won't go with me. My dad is 90 and doing good. I am afraid my mom will drive him crazy. How can I help my dad?

Hi, and welcome. You've come to a great place for answers, and there are many knowledgable people here. :)

If your mother really wants to go to the store that bad, what about getting someone else to take her? Or telling her that she can go later, and chances are she will forget about it. Tell him not to argue about the things he's getting blame for from years ago, and try his best to ignore it. Trying to reason with a person with dementia is frustrating for all involved parties.

Your Mom is showing symptoms of dementia. Is your Dad mentally alert enough to understand what this means? It means he cannot reason with her, get angry with her, explain things to her, expect a rational response and expect her to 'learn' from previous errors ... she is back to the stage of a very self centered little child. Don't blame her, it is the disease. If she knew what she was saying and doing, she would be appalled.

It worries me that your Dad is already so advanced in age. I don't think he can cope, even with your help.

My suggestion is, while both of them are still 'reasonably' fit (especially him) they should move into an assisted living facility. Most of those are connected in some way to a nursing home, so that if either of them gets sick or confused enough to need that care, it is right there. If your Dad understands that this is what Mom needs now, and that other people will help with everyday care so he does not bear the whole burden alone, he will probably agree.

It is a terrible and devastating disease. My Mom got it in old age also, like yours - it is my opinion that old age Dementia progresses more slowly than Azheimer's but it will indeed progress and get worse. My Mom is 98 and in a nursing home, with dementia stage 6. She needs a lot of care and no one was able to do it at home - and to our surprise she is happy there.

Good luck! Don't despair - there is help out there. When she insists you or he take her somewhere, the best bet is not to argue but to agree -"Ok, we'll go later" and then forget about it. Usually they don't remember this was said.

Let us know how things turn out.

meanwhile, love and prayers,

Martha