zonk
09-08-2006, 09:26 AM
My name is Jo,I am 42, my mum is 69years old >Her name is Jeanette
I am a remote carer 20 minutes away. Mum fairly young for her AD
I must say that reading your posts has at the same time scared me but enlightened me. My circumstances are as follows_ dad died from brain tumour (suddenly) 4 years ago ensuing family talk encompassed the possibility of AD for my mum as she could not cope..my brother lives out the back from my mum in an attached unit. Approx 2 years ago we had the situation where paramedics and police were bringing mum home from the shops 1 km away: ...she lost her car at the shops...I took her for a test drive and TOLD her she musnt drive anymore.Upon arriving home ,I received about 25 voicemails from my very distaught mother. I Relinquished her licence and took the car away. Nuerologist then prescribed aricept approx 2 years ago. Since then:mum cannot do the following,shop,cook,manage finances,and has now lost the ability to clean her house (ant infestations in the kitchen) uh oh!,cannot do her laundry, make a shopping list,have a shower, personal grooming do gardening,etc etc
now degenerating to cups of tea in the freezer, perishables in the crockery cupboard, icecream in the fridge, piles of newspapers in the house and a partridge in a peartree -thats not how you spell it!
(I know that she has forgotten how or why to get rid of the rubbish..how or why to clean...how or why to change clothes) and alarmingly now wears the same clothes every day and was last seen with her shirt over the top of her jumper and no knickers!~! but pants on
I enlisted an ACAT visit(angel bear knows all about them)
and we have the following:
dementia day care : mon tues & thurs 10.00 am to 2.30 pm
meals on wheels Wed & friday ...She keeps puttng the delivered hot meals in the
freezer (thats where they go RIGHT?)
personal care shortly -occupational therapist recommended shower rails etc, once done next week, personal care will commence
My support - (I work 4 days a week - married with children) pick mum up sat morning - return sunday arvo - do shopping, showering etc etc
the australian government is committed to funding support at home to keep our loved ones from going to NH because it`s less expensive
She is pliant and non aggressive,sporadically affectionate, continent, only one hallucination,
no sundowning
We have had about 5 MMse? (wrong term?) prognosis awful
The reason I am posting is because I am obviously going to move my dear mum within the next couple of years....you wonderful people are in the throes or have already dealt with this... I am scared of what the future holds (with good reason)
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
lets hope I will listen
MY very kindest regards,
Jo
I am a remote carer 20 minutes away. Mum fairly young for her AD
I must say that reading your posts has at the same time scared me but enlightened me. My circumstances are as follows_ dad died from brain tumour (suddenly) 4 years ago ensuing family talk encompassed the possibility of AD for my mum as she could not cope..my brother lives out the back from my mum in an attached unit. Approx 2 years ago we had the situation where paramedics and police were bringing mum home from the shops 1 km away: ...she lost her car at the shops...I took her for a test drive and TOLD her she musnt drive anymore.Upon arriving home ,I received about 25 voicemails from my very distaught mother. I Relinquished her licence and took the car away. Nuerologist then prescribed aricept approx 2 years ago. Since then:mum cannot do the following,shop,cook,manage finances,and has now lost the ability to clean her house (ant infestations in the kitchen) uh oh!,cannot do her laundry, make a shopping list,have a shower, personal grooming do gardening,etc etc
now degenerating to cups of tea in the freezer, perishables in the crockery cupboard, icecream in the fridge, piles of newspapers in the house and a partridge in a peartree -thats not how you spell it!
(I know that she has forgotten how or why to get rid of the rubbish..how or why to clean...how or why to change clothes) and alarmingly now wears the same clothes every day and was last seen with her shirt over the top of her jumper and no knickers!~! but pants on
I enlisted an ACAT visit(angel bear knows all about them)
and we have the following:
dementia day care : mon tues & thurs 10.00 am to 2.30 pm
meals on wheels Wed & friday ...She keeps puttng the delivered hot meals in the
freezer (thats where they go RIGHT?)
personal care shortly -occupational therapist recommended shower rails etc, once done next week, personal care will commence
My support - (I work 4 days a week - married with children) pick mum up sat morning - return sunday arvo - do shopping, showering etc etc
the australian government is committed to funding support at home to keep our loved ones from going to NH because it`s less expensive
She is pliant and non aggressive,sporadically affectionate, continent, only one hallucination,
no sundowning
We have had about 5 MMse? (wrong term?) prognosis awful
The reason I am posting is because I am obviously going to move my dear mum within the next couple of years....you wonderful people are in the throes or have already dealt with this... I am scared of what the future holds (with good reason)
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
lets hope I will listen
MY very kindest regards,
Jo
Sponsor
Martha H
09-08-2006, 10:46 AM
I'm so sorry you are going through all that with your VERY young mother.
But please don't worry - things will turn out all right in the end. You are already doing what you can, and as it gets worse a good nursing home will be a fine answer - she will be happy there, safe, clean, fed, given any meds she may need, and entertained. My Mom has been in a NH about a year and is happy there to our surprise.
You are dong a great job, and remember, no guilt - - - what we do is for the patient's sake.
Love and prayers,
Martha
But please don't worry - things will turn out all right in the end. You are already doing what you can, and as it gets worse a good nursing home will be a fine answer - she will be happy there, safe, clean, fed, given any meds she may need, and entertained. My Mom has been in a NH about a year and is happy there to our surprise.
You are dong a great job, and remember, no guilt - - - what we do is for the patient's sake.
Love and prayers,
Martha
angel_bear
09-08-2006, 08:31 PM
Hi Zonk !!!
I'm sorry about your Mum .. it's so hard when they are young .. it's hard when they're old !! It's just plain ol' hard !!
I see you've been reading our posts .. that must've been an eye opener for you .. sorry :dizzy:
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
Well, it took a crisis for me to make things happen, so I hope you don't wait until there is a crisis .. at least your looking into using the resources available AND using them .. something I had difficulty with because my ex-charge wouldn't accept strangers (Meals on Wheels, home aides etc) so it wasn't a matter of me delaying anything, it was the trouble with acceptance.
Sundowning is different for each person, and it's not necessarily in the afternoon either .. just be aware of changes of personality, obsessive behaviour and anything REALLY odd (oh, check for full moon's too .. and high winds). Wandering isn't always part and parcel .. some AD charges forget how to walk all too quickly and are happy to just sit (but that's not very healthy either) .. incontinence .. well that begins with damp undies, faecal smears (skid marks) but if you keep on top of a toileting program for her, you can avoid too many accidents.
I hope she doesn't become combative for you .. things are so much easier when they don't FIGHT your assistance .. !!
Stay here ... ask questions ... research and learn .. that's what we're here for !!
Hugs
Angel_Bear
I'm sorry about your Mum .. it's so hard when they are young .. it's hard when they're old !! It's just plain ol' hard !!
I see you've been reading our posts .. that must've been an eye opener for you .. sorry :dizzy:
I have decided that the following will force a move to the NH....sundowning, wandering, incontinence..but MAYBE I will delay.... defer.... deny, then I hope you all will tell me like you told angel ....
Well, it took a crisis for me to make things happen, so I hope you don't wait until there is a crisis .. at least your looking into using the resources available AND using them .. something I had difficulty with because my ex-charge wouldn't accept strangers (Meals on Wheels, home aides etc) so it wasn't a matter of me delaying anything, it was the trouble with acceptance.
Sundowning is different for each person, and it's not necessarily in the afternoon either .. just be aware of changes of personality, obsessive behaviour and anything REALLY odd (oh, check for full moon's too .. and high winds). Wandering isn't always part and parcel .. some AD charges forget how to walk all too quickly and are happy to just sit (but that's not very healthy either) .. incontinence .. well that begins with damp undies, faecal smears (skid marks) but if you keep on top of a toileting program for her, you can avoid too many accidents.
I hope she doesn't become combative for you .. things are so much easier when they don't FIGHT your assistance .. !!
Stay here ... ask questions ... research and learn .. that's what we're here for !!
Hugs
Angel_Bear
zonk
09-10-2006, 07:12 AM
Angel bear, I didnt mean to infer that you wouldnt listen, I meant that I probably wouldnt listen! I know what your circumstances were and I know what your situation was....I read most of your posts from 2004 onwards, (it should have been a book!) mostly because you are Australian but I got hooked reading your "funny stories" about the telemarketer..... I just loved that one!
I have the power and the choice but as Mum is so young during the ACAT assessment when we discussed future planning Mum said once again "i dont want to go into a NH" well ...who does!!??
this is my dilemna...Mum is pliant, does what ever I tell her to do,but no longer able to function. I cant give up my job due to finances but in the ideal world I would and she could live with me. She cannot be left alone, due to safety concerns. My brother lives on the same property as her in a unit out the back but he draws the line at personal care etc and I cannot expect him to...so who helps her when she cant get dressed or put her nighty on? He is also not the ideal carer.
Mum came to stay overnight this weekend
DH (making conversation over dinner) so how is the meals on wheels going?
Mum.....what?
DH "how is the meals on wheels?"
Mum- thats for old people! I dont have meals on wheels!
Perplexed DH....looks at me....I make faces and say "where did you get that idea from...Mum doesnt have meals on wheels...you silly thing!"
DH later....who does she think those people are that bring her lunch twice a week?
me "shrug" who knows?
Sun morning: Mum emerges from the spare room dressed! Its a miracle! she has never done that at my house before... but hang on a minute, somethings missing...oh that would be her pants
DH has one look and says "Oh you are awake I will just get Jo"
DH runs and hides
as angel bear would say ...uh oh!
I have the power and the choice but as Mum is so young during the ACAT assessment when we discussed future planning Mum said once again "i dont want to go into a NH" well ...who does!!??
this is my dilemna...Mum is pliant, does what ever I tell her to do,but no longer able to function. I cant give up my job due to finances but in the ideal world I would and she could live with me. She cannot be left alone, due to safety concerns. My brother lives on the same property as her in a unit out the back but he draws the line at personal care etc and I cannot expect him to...so who helps her when she cant get dressed or put her nighty on? He is also not the ideal carer.
Mum came to stay overnight this weekend
DH (making conversation over dinner) so how is the meals on wheels going?
Mum.....what?
DH "how is the meals on wheels?"
Mum- thats for old people! I dont have meals on wheels!
Perplexed DH....looks at me....I make faces and say "where did you get that idea from...Mum doesnt have meals on wheels...you silly thing!"
DH later....who does she think those people are that bring her lunch twice a week?
me "shrug" who knows?
Sun morning: Mum emerges from the spare room dressed! Its a miracle! she has never done that at my house before... but hang on a minute, somethings missing...oh that would be her pants
DH has one look and says "Oh you are awake I will just get Jo"
DH runs and hides
as angel bear would say ...uh oh!
zonk
09-10-2006, 07:36 AM
oh yes angel bear your posts were wonderful,sharing your experience for others that may go down the same path, they made me realise how far we can go before I do what needs to be done.....your posts have saved me, its SO reassuring to know that when you say "mum has alzheimers" there are people that UNDERSTAND...and dont just fob it off with the phrase "oh, dont worry,we all get a bit hazy with our memory as we get older, It wont kill her" Quote from my MIL...me gobsmacked! Wanting to shake her and make her understand (but still love her :) )
Martha H
09-10-2006, 08:49 AM
You're so right that other people don't understand.
I think it's because this disease scares the daylights out of people. It seems to strike randomly, it's not anything you can prevent (although we try .. exercise, good food and keeping the mind alert) ... and when they see a person going down the drain like that, it is just too awful to comtemplate.
"I could be next" is what they may be thinking. Therefore, "Oh it's all right, I also forget where I put things. It's nothing, just a 'senior moment'. That is their defense against their own fear.
It's not that they are putting you down or doubting your word.
Since I became an AD caregiver, and also a caregiving survivor, I find sooo many others who have done the same thing. Often they are wracked with guilt because their loved one had to go into professional care. I have made it part of my life's mission to give these peple moral support and understanding. My Mom's good experience in her nursing home is good ammuniton in this struggle. There is no question in my mind that she is far happier, safer, cared for, warm, dry, clean, untroubled by daily decision making than she was in the last year or so that she lived with me. I went to work and was not able to be there for her 24/7. The NH would have been the right decision a good year before it actually happened.
God bless all caregivers!
Love,
Martha
I think it's because this disease scares the daylights out of people. It seems to strike randomly, it's not anything you can prevent (although we try .. exercise, good food and keeping the mind alert) ... and when they see a person going down the drain like that, it is just too awful to comtemplate.
"I could be next" is what they may be thinking. Therefore, "Oh it's all right, I also forget where I put things. It's nothing, just a 'senior moment'. That is their defense against their own fear.
It's not that they are putting you down or doubting your word.
Since I became an AD caregiver, and also a caregiving survivor, I find sooo many others who have done the same thing. Often they are wracked with guilt because their loved one had to go into professional care. I have made it part of my life's mission to give these peple moral support and understanding. My Mom's good experience in her nursing home is good ammuniton in this struggle. There is no question in my mind that she is far happier, safer, cared for, warm, dry, clean, untroubled by daily decision making than she was in the last year or so that she lived with me. I went to work and was not able to be there for her 24/7. The NH would have been the right decision a good year before it actually happened.
God bless all caregivers!
Love,
Martha
angel_bear
09-10-2006, 06:41 PM
Hi Zonk ...
No offence taken at your posting .. far from it .. I KNOW I didn't listen until it came to a crisis .. now my aim is to prevent a crisis happening to anybody else (call it an obsession? LOL) It's nice to know you enjoyed my postings .. I'm just sorry I had to destroy a few to keep a family member from attacking me .. but that's enough on that ugly situation ...
Yes, there are funny stories (telemarketing payback being a favourite, remind me to tell you about the dirty phone caller too ...)
I can only begin to imagine the look on DH face on finding his MIL in that predicament .. I remember having this urge to check on my MIL one night (don't ask me why, 6th sense kicked in as usual) and I found her standing on the arm of the lounge, whacking the air conditioner with the telephone, cursing quite quietly at it (stupid stupid, bloody bloody, S**t), with her lovely shirt & jumper on and as naked as a bluejay for the rest of her. As I ran upstairs to inform DH what his mother was doing, he was quite horrified and simply COULDN'T come downstairs to help me .. LOL LOL LOL .. ok . I can laugh now but it wasn't too funny at the time ...
..........and we learn to bluff, cover up other peoples gaff's and try and make everything SMOOOOOOOTH .... (eg: Meals on Wheels gaff) boy's really don't think before they speak do they ? LOL LOL
Zonk .. have you thought about hiring a private carer? If you contact your local TAFE and ask for the students who are doing Aged Care Cert III you may be able to get some volunteers out of it .. I know some of the girls from my course got some private work thereafter .. it's worth a try (and at least you'll know they're qualified) ... but do check into getting a Police Check done on them if you go down that path. It might be enough to help Mum out for now ...... **just thinking out aloud here**
Anyway .. that's my 2 cents .. hello my fellow aussie friend .. !!!
No offence taken at your posting .. far from it .. I KNOW I didn't listen until it came to a crisis .. now my aim is to prevent a crisis happening to anybody else (call it an obsession? LOL) It's nice to know you enjoyed my postings .. I'm just sorry I had to destroy a few to keep a family member from attacking me .. but that's enough on that ugly situation ...
Yes, there are funny stories (telemarketing payback being a favourite, remind me to tell you about the dirty phone caller too ...)
I can only begin to imagine the look on DH face on finding his MIL in that predicament .. I remember having this urge to check on my MIL one night (don't ask me why, 6th sense kicked in as usual) and I found her standing on the arm of the lounge, whacking the air conditioner with the telephone, cursing quite quietly at it (stupid stupid, bloody bloody, S**t), with her lovely shirt & jumper on and as naked as a bluejay for the rest of her. As I ran upstairs to inform DH what his mother was doing, he was quite horrified and simply COULDN'T come downstairs to help me .. LOL LOL LOL .. ok . I can laugh now but it wasn't too funny at the time ...
..........and we learn to bluff, cover up other peoples gaff's and try and make everything SMOOOOOOOTH .... (eg: Meals on Wheels gaff) boy's really don't think before they speak do they ? LOL LOL
Zonk .. have you thought about hiring a private carer? If you contact your local TAFE and ask for the students who are doing Aged Care Cert III you may be able to get some volunteers out of it .. I know some of the girls from my course got some private work thereafter .. it's worth a try (and at least you'll know they're qualified) ... but do check into getting a Police Check done on them if you go down that path. It might be enough to help Mum out for now ...... **just thinking out aloud here**
Anyway .. that's my 2 cents .. hello my fellow aussie friend .. !!!
ibake&pray
09-12-2006, 06:13 PM
Dear Jo, in a perfect world there wouldn't be this awful disease. Please remember that.
You said that your Mom didn't want to go into a nursing home. The person that you are dealing with now is not your mother. She has left. The staff at nursing homes are there in shifts so they are always fresh and able to give their all to their charges. If your mother was living with you, you would not always be at your best and fresh. My father was sole caretaker for my mom (both are now 87) for the past four years. A fall getting up at night forced my dad to put my mother in a locked down unit where she should have been two years ago. We were home to visit last week. My mother remembers I have two boys (only grandchildren), but didn't know me, and I am an only child. My dad is still in denial and hoping that mom can live with him in his new apt. in the same Masonic complex he moved into (Mom is in their locked down unit). We live in Washington DC and my parents are in Minnesota, 1200 miles away. We have been fighting for the past two years to get him to accept the care and get the help he needed with/for Mom. He is and was exhausted from the strain. Don't do this to yourself or your family. Your mother would not want you to do this to you and the ones you love.
We all live with tremendous guilt for the things we think we should have, could have done. I go home every three months to visit. I am on the phone with the nursing staff 5 days out of 7 and I pay my cousin to look in on my father and get him what he needs, dr. appts. etc.
Hang in there. I don't post much, but lurk alot. We all share that unique pain....
You said that your Mom didn't want to go into a nursing home. The person that you are dealing with now is not your mother. She has left. The staff at nursing homes are there in shifts so they are always fresh and able to give their all to their charges. If your mother was living with you, you would not always be at your best and fresh. My father was sole caretaker for my mom (both are now 87) for the past four years. A fall getting up at night forced my dad to put my mother in a locked down unit where she should have been two years ago. We were home to visit last week. My mother remembers I have two boys (only grandchildren), but didn't know me, and I am an only child. My dad is still in denial and hoping that mom can live with him in his new apt. in the same Masonic complex he moved into (Mom is in their locked down unit). We live in Washington DC and my parents are in Minnesota, 1200 miles away. We have been fighting for the past two years to get him to accept the care and get the help he needed with/for Mom. He is and was exhausted from the strain. Don't do this to yourself or your family. Your mother would not want you to do this to you and the ones you love.
We all live with tremendous guilt for the things we think we should have, could have done. I go home every three months to visit. I am on the phone with the nursing staff 5 days out of 7 and I pay my cousin to look in on my father and get him what he needs, dr. appts. etc.
Hang in there. I don't post much, but lurk alot. We all share that unique pain....
zonk
09-13-2006, 02:48 AM
Thanks to all of you for such supportive replies. I am in "panic mode" at the moment, and tend to spent a lot of my time worrying ,worrying and worrying a bit more. Good news from my brother today, the necessary modifications recommended by the occupational therapist have been done to her bathroom , which means that the local governent will shortly send in a personal care assistant 2-3 times a week to help mum shower. I hate that she only showers once a week at my place at the moment.
One of the causes for my stressing is that as my father lay in hospital dying from an inoperable brain tumour(4 years ago), DH and I promised him that we would look after Mum. We believe, that even back then, Dad suspected that Mum was starting to show signs of AD. We didnt mean we would personally look after her forever, it was meant in a broad sense.
As a result, I am very mindful of mum`s best interests...oh, and because shes my mum too!
Timing seems to be extremely important with regard to placement in a NH, so I am hoping that my timing will be as perfect as I can make it, with mum staying at home as long as possible, with no negative repercussions.
One of the causes for my stressing is that as my father lay in hospital dying from an inoperable brain tumour(4 years ago), DH and I promised him that we would look after Mum. We believe, that even back then, Dad suspected that Mum was starting to show signs of AD. We didnt mean we would personally look after her forever, it was meant in a broad sense.
As a result, I am very mindful of mum`s best interests...oh, and because shes my mum too!
Timing seems to be extremely important with regard to placement in a NH, so I am hoping that my timing will be as perfect as I can make it, with mum staying at home as long as possible, with no negative repercussions.
Martha H
09-13-2006, 07:43 AM
It's not so much a matter of keeping her home as long as possible, but of having her get the best possible care as soon as needed.
When I compare Mom's life 2 years ago to today, she was just overwhelmed with stress back then, because she knew she couldn't handle the daily decisions. Everything that used to be fun became a terrible burden. All her friends started acting 'strange' according to her, and the rules of the road changed so that suddenly she had to cross the street on a green light. In her mind it had always been the opposite. The bus driver refused to accept her Medic Alert pendant as payment, and people didn't sit near her because they thought she smelled bad.
Fast forward 2 years. She sleeps well and wakes up whenever she does, no alarm clocks to get her to her Senior Center on time. A nice lady she thinks she might have seen before gets her washed and dressed, and into her wheelchair. Then she is taken to a pleasant dining area where she eats a nice breakfast with her old friends she has known all her life, but isn't sure of their names. (the people are all relatively new, but she doesn't know that.) After breakfast they play games. She has a nice lunch and then a tall young man (60) comes to see her and takes her out for a walk in the park. He says he is her son but she knows she can't have a son that old.
In the evening a woman calls her and talks and talks about people she hardly knows or doesn't remember, but the phonecall is interesting and she enjoys it. This lady says she is her daughter, well, maybe she is ... she is not sure she has a daughter.
Once in awhile young lady comes by with a baby. This girl is calls her Grandma but she doesn't think she is her granddaughter, but she is nice and it's fun to see a baby.
Sometimes thay all go on a bus outing and eat someplace else. Every month there is at least one party (for everyone who had a birthday that month) and often more, there was a labor day party last week and something on the 4th of July ... but that was so long ago it is already forgotten. A nice doctor comes weekly and checks her out and may or may not change her medicines. She used to worry herself sick not knowing if she had taken her pills or not, once took a 3 day supply all at once ... now, no worries, the nurse brings them.
This is her new life. She is enjoying it. It was a mistake to keep her home as long as possible; her last year at home was a nightmare. She got lost 3 times, once for 7 hours. Wandering around Queens with no idea where she was going.
You will make the right decision at the right time; you seem to be a young lady with a good head on her shoulders!
Love,
Martha
When I compare Mom's life 2 years ago to today, she was just overwhelmed with stress back then, because she knew she couldn't handle the daily decisions. Everything that used to be fun became a terrible burden. All her friends started acting 'strange' according to her, and the rules of the road changed so that suddenly she had to cross the street on a green light. In her mind it had always been the opposite. The bus driver refused to accept her Medic Alert pendant as payment, and people didn't sit near her because they thought she smelled bad.
Fast forward 2 years. She sleeps well and wakes up whenever she does, no alarm clocks to get her to her Senior Center on time. A nice lady she thinks she might have seen before gets her washed and dressed, and into her wheelchair. Then she is taken to a pleasant dining area where she eats a nice breakfast with her old friends she has known all her life, but isn't sure of their names. (the people are all relatively new, but she doesn't know that.) After breakfast they play games. She has a nice lunch and then a tall young man (60) comes to see her and takes her out for a walk in the park. He says he is her son but she knows she can't have a son that old.
In the evening a woman calls her and talks and talks about people she hardly knows or doesn't remember, but the phonecall is interesting and she enjoys it. This lady says she is her daughter, well, maybe she is ... she is not sure she has a daughter.
Once in awhile young lady comes by with a baby. This girl is calls her Grandma but she doesn't think she is her granddaughter, but she is nice and it's fun to see a baby.
Sometimes thay all go on a bus outing and eat someplace else. Every month there is at least one party (for everyone who had a birthday that month) and often more, there was a labor day party last week and something on the 4th of July ... but that was so long ago it is already forgotten. A nice doctor comes weekly and checks her out and may or may not change her medicines. She used to worry herself sick not knowing if she had taken her pills or not, once took a 3 day supply all at once ... now, no worries, the nurse brings them.
This is her new life. She is enjoying it. It was a mistake to keep her home as long as possible; her last year at home was a nightmare. She got lost 3 times, once for 7 hours. Wandering around Queens with no idea where she was going.
You will make the right decision at the right time; you seem to be a young lady with a good head on her shoulders!
Love,
Martha
angel_bear
09-13-2006, 09:31 AM
Wise words Martha .. wise words .. my how far have we come in such a short time eh?
Zonk ... you've read my story .. you've read my frustrations .. the brick walls, the waiting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Martha is so right in so much as caring for your Mum isn't about you and your brother, it's about what's right for her.
I know my ex-charge within WEEKS of being placed calmed down. All stresses were removed from her life and she could finally, FINALLY relax. To see her CONTENT made it that little bit easier for us to move 1000km away. Content .. wow .. I never thought it would happen .. but it did .. and it was an amazing miraculous change in her!!!
She went from this frightened, defensive, angry tottering little old lady back to a little old lady with some dignity back intact, calmer, sharing, caring and helping. It was wonderful !!!! For her AND for us.
Don't discount your promises .. you made promises BACK THEN .. but things change and sometimes our promises need to be changed to suit the situation. Ultimately, your goal is to get her safe, dry, fed and happy. If you can do that at home without adding stress on yourself and your family GO FOR IT ... but if there is any chance of a health risk to YOU .. then the best option is for care. By all means, utilise all the resources you can .. because our Government has an 'Aging in Place' Policy (our Aged citizens can live there life where they want) but sometimes it's just not feasible.
Big hugs .. I would love to meet you, but alas, us aussies will have to share on here!!
Zonk ... you've read my story .. you've read my frustrations .. the brick walls, the waiting !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Martha is so right in so much as caring for your Mum isn't about you and your brother, it's about what's right for her.
I know my ex-charge within WEEKS of being placed calmed down. All stresses were removed from her life and she could finally, FINALLY relax. To see her CONTENT made it that little bit easier for us to move 1000km away. Content .. wow .. I never thought it would happen .. but it did .. and it was an amazing miraculous change in her!!!
She went from this frightened, defensive, angry tottering little old lady back to a little old lady with some dignity back intact, calmer, sharing, caring and helping. It was wonderful !!!! For her AND for us.
Don't discount your promises .. you made promises BACK THEN .. but things change and sometimes our promises need to be changed to suit the situation. Ultimately, your goal is to get her safe, dry, fed and happy. If you can do that at home without adding stress on yourself and your family GO FOR IT ... but if there is any chance of a health risk to YOU .. then the best option is for care. By all means, utilise all the resources you can .. because our Government has an 'Aging in Place' Policy (our Aged citizens can live there life where they want) but sometimes it's just not feasible.
Big hugs .. I would love to meet you, but alas, us aussies will have to share on here!!
zonk
10-06-2006, 09:19 AM
:wave: well we are still muddling along...mum is desperately trying to pretend nothing is wrong...but we all know (i think including her) that there is. She has yet to reach the stage where she no longer knows who I am...but upon reading marthas post I realise I cant remember the last time she called me by my name. hmmmmmm. It was her 70th birthday yesterday and I didnt call her because after discussion with my brother Paul (live in carer)we decided a phone call would distress and confuse her too much. On last mothers day she kept apologising for not buying me a present...me..("mum, you`re not supposed to, you are my mum!)
now on her 70th, I believe she was told it was her birthday but wouldnt remember.
mum remains compliant and polite
We now have the following support:
mon/wed/frid personal carer/assists with shower/personal grooming/house cleaning
mon/tues/thurs/frid...dementia daycare(nearly every week)
wed..meals on wheels
sat morning to sun afternoon...overnight visit to my house
so we are basically covered excepting the fact that mum wears the same clothes saturday to saturday
if those services were not available she would definetly be in a NH
but, for the moment, remains safe,clean, fed,medicated:angel: in her own home
now on her 70th, I believe she was told it was her birthday but wouldnt remember.
mum remains compliant and polite
We now have the following support:
mon/wed/frid personal carer/assists with shower/personal grooming/house cleaning
mon/tues/thurs/frid...dementia daycare(nearly every week)
wed..meals on wheels
sat morning to sun afternoon...overnight visit to my house
so we are basically covered excepting the fact that mum wears the same clothes saturday to saturday
if those services were not available she would definetly be in a NH
but, for the moment, remains safe,clean, fed,medicated:angel: in her own home
Martha H
10-06-2006, 11:35 AM
It sounds like you are doing a great job and have everything under control. Just keep in mind that later on a NH may be needed, and it is no disgrace to make use of it.
Love,
Martha
Love,
Martha