When you have n eating disorder and you say to someone I look so fat or something what reply do you hope to recieve in reply? I don't know what to say. Can anyone help?

The person may be looking for a compliment... the requisite "No you DON"T!!", but fact is, the compliment won't mean anything to someone with an eating disorder. There is an instant of comfort when someone else tells you that you look good, but 3 seconds later when you see yourself in the mirror you feel fat again.

Tricky, that's a really good reply. It's soo true. Sad; but it's true.

Yeah I thought that would be the case I don't fancy wasting my breath telling her how desperatley thin she is if she still feels fat.

Amy,

You're not wasting your breath! I guess what I meant to say was no matter what you say they will still think they're fat, etc. However, anytime someone says something (i.e. You look thin) it DOES make me feel a lil better. Even if it is only for a short time. I guess bottom line is, if she asks your opnion give it, but I wouldn't focus on it. For example, if I dress up, I like it if I hear you look good, thin, etc. Then if you say something neutral after (i.e. "Your hair looks great," or "That color really looks good on you"). That's helpful becuase it's a compliment on her body, but it's also a compliment NOT related to weight. Hope this helped/maked sense http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wink.gif
Take care
Marie

To Marie,

Thanx I know what you mean but it get's tiring being with someone who never feels good about themselves. I mean I dealt with my weight issues during puberty and I am on another level where I am happy with the way I look etc. One of the reason's I decided to actively help her is because I know what it feels like to HATE your body and I know what it;'s like to LOVE your body it is an amazing feeling of power and femininity. I love my curves and I wouldn't change my big boobs for a size 2 model's figure for anything. I want all you guys out there to love your bodies you are beautiful the way your are. There is nothing wrong with your bodies just your minds and that can be helped!

Dance as if no-one is watching
Love as though you've never been hurt
Sing as if no-one can hear you
Live life as if Heaven is on Earth

Amy

The subconcious mind believes everything as if it were true...

so if you tell yourself over and over again that you are fat, your subconcious will believe it and in turn your concious will believe it.

Let me put it this way.
When you were a kid and another kid yelled at you "You're a Jerk"
You yelled back "I am not you are"
In your subconcious it is one for one...
balanced.
One You're a Jerk versus one I am not
As you get older Your automatic I am not...starts to get replaced with something else.
When you do something wrong or stupid or just acidental you say to yourself
"That's something a jerk would do"
And "I am an idiot" or "James You dickhead"
(I am not!)
and suddenly your subconcious has
one I am not versus one hundred You are so!
And your subconcious believes it!

This is how alot of disorders start....
The road to recovery is to retrain your subconcious...
Now I know this is hard...extremely hard because I have been there and am still on the road to recovery...not from an eating disorder but from other issues.

So to make it easier on yourself or your loved ones, use affirmations..they do work..
Post around the house or places you go regularly...make a bookmark.... in your wallet or purse.... Positive thoughts.
I am good..
I am attractive...etc etc
And tell that loved one..that they look good...hell "You look great" and mean it... It will make them feel a little bit better...
and when they hear it enough times...they'll start to say it themselves...and start to believe it themselves...

You cannot take great big steps without starting off with little tiny steps....
and you gotta start somewhere

Some of my favourite quotes...

You can always quit. Why quit now?

Action Supercedes Everything.

Feel free to email me if you would like to talk or if you would like more motivational stuff...

Take care
James http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Thanks James you have a way with words all right!

Retraining your mind is a very difficult things to do. Retraining your mind actually shows up on a cat scan!
Someone has to have the will or want to change the way they feel.
Too many people think oh ok this is the way I am so i'll just have to deal with it the best way they can. But that isn't true you don't have to put up with problems they can be fixed. You have to sacrifice a lot thoughy because you are so used to thinking about yourself all day long and contemplating your problems you don't have time to think of anything else. Well to get better you have to be AWARE of your thinking and catch your thoughts i.e if you find yourself thinking "I am so fat" analyse it - is it true? What's the evidence? What does it matter in everyday life? What would change if you were your ideal weight?

I haven't got an eating disorder but through dealing with other emotional issues I have found that this can and will help!

Originally posted by LilMissAmy:
Thanks James you have a way with words all right!

Retraining your mind is a very difficult things to do. Retraining your mind actually shows up on a cat scan!
Someone has to have the will or want to change the way they feel.
Too many people think oh ok this is the way I am so i'll just have to deal with it the best way they can. But that isn't true you don't have to put up with problems they can be fixed. You have to sacrifice a lot thoughy because you are so used to thinking about yourself all day long and contemplating your problems you don't have time to think of anything else. Well to get better you have to be AWARE of your thinking and catch your thoughts i.e if you find yourself thinking "I am so fat" analyse it - is it true? What's the evidence? What does it matter in everyday life? What would change if you were your ideal weight?

I haven't got an eating disorder but through dealing with other emotional issues I have found that this can and will help!

Exactly...but if you let your loved ones around know what is going on and how they can help you, it'll make your job a little bit easier.

When you do get a negative thought you do need to sit there and analyse it.
Ask
Where did it come from?
Is it true? Like you said.

I used to sit there and ask myself
Why am I so fat?
My answers...
Because I eat too much...
Because I am lazy
Because I am a fat pig
etc etc

Negative thoughts....
Treat these negative thoughts like you would treat an unwanted guest in your house! Kick them out!!!

Instead of asking myself why am I so fat.

I started to ask myself..
What can I do to reach my ideal weight?

My answers
I can watch what I eat..
I can exercise more

Notice the difference? Two very important words " I can "

I started retraining my thinking about two months ago. Last week I bought myself a pushbike and now I ride to work and back each day. I have done in for only four days and already I have lost 2 kilograms...sorry don't know what that is in pounds.

And I find that I have more energy. I already feel better about myself even if it doesn't look to me like I have made a difference.

What set my life on this new course that is achievable for anyone.
I found and read this book called

Living With Passion by Peter L Hirsch.

An amazing well written book. I encourage everyone to read this book. It can and will change your life.

I'll keep an eye out for that book!

I use kilograms as well so no confusion!

Do you really need to lose weight or is your ideal weight the weight you think you need to be to accept yourself and be accepted by others?

Originally posted by LilMissAmy:
I'll keep an eye out for that book!

I use kilograms as well so no confusion!

Do you really need to lose weight or is your ideal weight the weight you think you need to be to accept yourself and be accepted by others?

I do need to lose a bit of weight, not much though...about 5 to 10 kilos and it isn't weight so much as fat, I want to tone up. Plus I do need to watch what I eat or else I will put weight on...I blew out to 110 kilos about 5 or 6 years ago....I went back out to 100 kilos this year and I am sitting at about 90 to 92 kilos at the moment.
Plus I need to get fit. It isn't about acceptance...it's about getting fit, looking and feeling good. I find that when I start putting on a bit of weight. I start to get unhappy about myself and when I get unhappy, I eat and I eat junk food. So I have to change my eating habits.

As long as your not looking at yourself through your fat goggles at yourself. Being healthy is important. I love feeling like i am a picture of health . I'd love to go to the gym but i want someone to go with!