Hi, my name is Linda. I've posted before on the old boards, but my user name is Nicholen.

I am on the verge of being anorexic. I starved to lose a little weight. Then my father lost his job and I started to starve to keep my mind off the hard times. No I've slowed my motabolism down so much, I'm hardly ever hungry. I only eat when I'm bored. I'm 17 and am 5' 3.5". I used to weigh about 135 lbs and now I weigh between 122 - 125 lbs. My dad is working again, but I still have this problem.

I always feel depressed. I don't feel myself anymore at all since I started this. I don't know who I am anymore. I feel very alone, as if I am locked up all alone in a dark dungeon and the whole world is outside still going on. I've never had much confidence in myself but I am starting to get more. I also feel very bad about my self. I mean I know I'm not fat but I don't think I'm skinny. I have a very broad body and that may be part of the reason why. I guess I feel that if I'm skinny I will be more confident and people will accept me more. I see all these skinny people on TV who are practically skin and bones. I see them so much that to me that seems 'normal'. I am also into dance and gymnastics and they're super skinny too.

I am also very depressed all the time. I feel a huge emptiness inside that just won't go away. It feels as if no one cares that much about me, besides friends. It doesn't seem as if my parents even care that much about me anymore. I've talked to my conselor about some of this and she said to talk to them. It never seems to work. They just think I'm having an "episode" and then when it's over, every thing goes back to the way it was!!! They just don't realize what I'm going through!

I was just wondering if anyone else feels anything like me, and if anyone has any suggestions. They will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Linda

I totally understand how you feel. When you are anorexic the whole world seems to come down on you and you feel like you don't have any control. But you know what? You DO have control. Step out of your life for one moment...look at what you see. Do you see a girl who is sad and confused? Do you see someone who used to smile and not think about food all the time, but had fun? Don't you want to be like that again? Don't you want to be a normal 17 year old girl again? THEN MAKE THE CHANGE NOW! You have control over your life...no one else does.

I hope that my advice has helped. I think I should listen to myself more because I am anorexic and have been trying to overcome it for a long time now. But it's hard and it takes time. But I WANT to get better...and I will. And so can you!

God Bless!

Thank you for you reply. I think it will help alot. I'm already trying to get better before this goes too far. I'm trying to eat small meals, and more of them, then one of two big/small meals a day. Thanks for your help!

Dear Nicole,
I am at a weight that I should be at basically-It isn't always easy, but as time goes on and I deal with things it does get easier and it's a lot better than dealing with an eating disorder-it's so nice to be able to eat when I want and what I want and not have to hide it or purge it or feel bad about it-I feel more human-it isn't always that easy and I do still struggle at times but there is hope-if you want to e-mail me you can at cutensassybrat@yahoo.com Just tell me who you are so I know-I hope to hear from you soon hon.
God Bless,
Penny