Hi,

This is new to me, but I'm starting to think that I have a problem and wanted to see if there was anyone out there that could tell me what they thought.

I have always been concerned with my weight, sometimes more than others. However, over the last few months it consumes almost all my thoughts. I'm 5'8, 24 years old and used to weigh 145 lbs. Now a month and a half later, I weigh 125 and I feel that I would look better if I could lose just 8 to 10 more. I restrict my meals, have a bagel for lunch and salad for supper (enough to be full). Then I exercise a lot, sometimes doing situps late at night or jogging on the spot when my roomate is gone to bed. I take laxatives on a daily basis, diet pills and I just started taking diurex. I never binge, but when I do eat I either take laxatives right away, chew food and spit it up before I swallow or try to throw up.
I have all these new clothes that I can fit into now, and would rather do anything than not be able to fit in them again. No offence to trendy clothing chains, but if you aren't a stick you can't fit into anything. It makes you feel so bad about yourself.
Noone knows what I'm doing. Everyone notices that I have lost a lot of weight, but they think it's because I go to the gym and watch what I eat. I have also pushed most of my friends away. Christmas time I visited my family and resented them because they made me eat turkey dinner! That's ridiculous.
I think of anorexia and bulimia as being serious problems for extremely thin girls or girls that are throwing up all the time. I just look at myself as having some unhealthy diet methods. Sorry for going on so long. It's the first time I have ever discussed this.

Hi.
I fought and still fight with an eating disorder(getting better now) for years and it feels like I was in control of everything I did until I decided i wanted to stop-it's not easy and it's better to nip it as quick as possible-weight shouldn't really matter or how you look-it's you on the inside that is beautiful and matters hon. If you want to talk you can e-mail me at cutensassybrat@yahoo.com
God Bless.

Hello found24,

I could relate to some of what you said. I think you are trying to tell yourself that you don't have a problem because others are worse. I do the same thing. Actually, we both have a problem.

I don't have clothes I want to stay in, I have some in my closet that I want to get back into. I refuse to get rid of them.

I too use laxatives. I am also on the low carb diet. I like to go to bed feeling hungry. It makes me feel good inside.

I was once in an eating disorders hospital. Guess what? Most of the others there were over 20 and not really thin. They were like us. They had "bad eating habits."

I suggest you tell your doctor about this now before it gets more out of control. I've been there. Having a tube forced down your nose to give you Ensure is NO FUN.

Let us know how you are doing. Please, get some help.

Gail

You are 5'8 and weigh 125, and you want to lose weight? Are you crazy that is not over weight! That is small. You DO NOT need to lose weight!!!!!!!!!!!

To alazay:

Do you think you are telling her something new? I bet she has heard that more times than she can count. You are right though, she probably doesn't need to lose weight. It is a "head" problem. Is this all new to you.

I am 5'10" and even when I weighed 125lbs. I thought I needed to lose more. I now weigh 155lbs. and am so desperate to lose! Hearing how we might be crazy doesn't help. Wake up!

Gail

I know that it sounds crazy. 5'8 and 125lbs to me sounds like a normal weight, but when I look at myself I don't see that. I see someone that could more than afford to lose another 8-10 lbs. I keep my feelings to myself about how I feel about needing to lose more weight, because nobody understands. One of the girls at work saw me yesterday and said "my god, you look like you are going to crack off". I don't see what they think they see when they look at me. I don't talk about it, because I know people will think I am just trying to get attention. Maybe that does sound crazy, but it's the way I am feeling.

It's so hard when others make comments about weight when someone is struggling with it-it makes matters worst and not better-I am sorry you have to go through that along with the problem of your eating. You need to find some help before this keeps getting worst-ask God for direction in all of this-eating disorders are so hard to get through and you can't do it on your own hon-there are many good thearpists out there but you need to find one that you like and trust.
God Bless.

thanks for being so supportive. I'm just still in the mode where I don't want anyone to prevent me from losing weight.
Last night, I went out for supper with two girls I graduated college with that know me well. They commented on how thin I was and that I shouldn't lose any more. I found I couldn't concentrate on the conversation or anything. All I was thinking about was how I had to eat because of them and how was I going to get rid of this. I went home and threw up what I could, took a pile of laxatives and exercised till 11. All I can focus on this morning is getting back on my schedule today. Sorry I don't mean to go on so. It's like I'm not a stupid girl, I know some of what I'm doing isn't healthy, but the thought of having to give this up is even worse to me right now.

I am the same way. Yesterday I saw the psych nurse and when she asked if I am till using laxatives I asked her what she wanted me to say. I knew it was going to be the same old speech and then I will continue using them and trying to lose weight. Actually, there was no speech yesterday for some reason. Maybe she is giving up trying to help me in that area. Maybe she knows that I am not ready to stop and nohting she says will make a difference right now.

I wish I knew what to say to you to help you but I guess until we both decide we are ready to stop and need help nothing will change our actions. My prayer is that it doesn't take a major health problem to make us wake up.

Hang in there,
Gail

P.S. How many laxatives do you take in one day?

Thanks for the reply. It's nice to know that someone else is feeling the same way right now. To answer your question it varies, depending on what I eat that day. Yesterday, I ate a bagel and had half a bowl of soup and a bit of a low fat muffin, so I took about 10. I also exercised, doing situps and jogging for a couple of hours. I feel guilty if I sit and relax when I could be doing situps.

I try to keep the numbers under control, because I know it can cause health problems. I agree with you, that until we want to stop it doesn't matter what anyone else says to us. I just keep saying to myself 10 more pounds and then I won't want to lose any more.