Hey Julie- I saw a response that you posted and you said that you might not be able to have children. What is your story? And how is your recovery coming?

Thanks for asking....I could go on and on, but I'll try to keep it short!
I was a bit heavy in late elementary/junior high school. By high school, I had lost most of the excess and was average. When I went to college, I put on the "freshman 15", even when I swore I wouldn't. About the middle of the year, my roommate confessed to being bulimic. Funny, you'd think that would turn me away from it.
I think I've been through every stage of this....from compulsive working out, laxitaves, vomitting, not eating, counting calories, blaming everyone else, and waiting for someone to save me.
I haven't had my period in over three years.
I went to see a therapist once, but was scared it would show up on my insurance, and my family would find out. It's interesting to me that they STILL won't say anything, except I look to thin. (now I can realize that they know...even though I couldn't see that before)
Everyone seemed to know, but there was no one I could really talk to. I confided in strangers, because they couldn't hurt me.

One day, I woke up (literally) and realized that I'm a "take charge" person. I didn't want others to help me with things, I wanted to do them for myself. If I were going to beat this, I would have to do it on my own, not by waiting for someone to save me. (Not that people shouldn't go to therapy...) I realized why I was hurting so much (I cared too much what other people thought), and decided to ignore it, or at least try to start ignoring it.

So, it's been almost a year since the last time I threw up, and though I still count calories, I'm realizing that life is passing me by because I do that. Besides, people like me better now, even with my "15 extra pounds" (they're not extra http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif ).
Sometimes I read the posts on this board, and wish I could push the fast-forward button for some, so they might know what I know now. But I guess it's for everyone to know for him or herself....

How are you doing, and what is your story?

Well, it all started when I was in 9th grade. I was at my grandparents house in Oklahoma for the summer. I looked in the mirror one day and I noticed that my stomach kinda stuck out. I freaked out! I had been so skinny my whole life and I couldn't believe that I had developed a little gut. So from that day forward I stopped eating junk food and started exercising a lot.

My sophomore year in high school, I made the cheerleading squad. I saw all the little/skinny girls and I felt huge! (But I was only 110 lbs.) So I started running a lot and would only eat a bowel of cereal and two pieces of toast a day. Then I would go to work (at a health club) and would run again on the tredmills there and work out. I went to bed starving everynight and that made me so happy. I loved the feeling of control!

I am now a senior and I run cross country and track. I am eating a little better, but it's not enough for how active I am. I am 5'5 and weigh 89 lbs. I feel tired all the time and I hate it. I know exactly what I need to do to get better but I just can't seem to make myself eat more and better. Eating disorders are such a mental sickness.

I am going to my doctors on the 23rd of this month. Hopefully I can get some help soon because I have been offered a full ride scholarship for running at the University of Utah. I really want to run well in college and I don't want this stupid eating disorder to get in the way!

I really like this board because I have had so much help from people. There have been times when I have felt totally alone and I would check my email and there would be several emails from people I met on the board and they would help me out SO much! So thank you to all you wonderful people out there who understand...I will always be grateful.

I'll keep you posted on my progress and I hope to someday say...Yeah, I HAD an eating disorder, instead of HAVING one.