LuvMyLilDoggie
09-13-2006, 06:56 PM
Ladies, I need you more than ever now. I'll cut to the chase because this is difficult to write.
1st I get a call that MIL is calling 911. She wants to go to the hospital. That was about 9am this morning. We still don't know what's going on with her and she still doesn't have a room. They are admitting her.
About 12 noon, my older sister 800 miles from me calls and tells me that she has lung cancer. Doctor says he can't operate because she wouldn't survive the surgery. She's dying. The doctor says she has at most a year. She's 54. She doesn't want me to tell the family.
Then about 10 minutes after that, I get a call from the sister who has my dad. She has a badly slipped cervical disc that's causing major pain for her. She can barely move her neck and arm. She has to see a neurosurgeon and may have to have surgery. If she does, she wants me to come and get dad. How can I say no without telling her why? I can't have him here with all that's going on with my other sister. I want to go see my older sister and have some quality time with her before she gets too sick. That right now is more important to me than anything.
I lost two brothers already. I can't stand this!!!! I didn't know what to say to my sister. I couldn't think of any words of comfort. So I just cried. And she listened. And then she told me that we need to talk more often so that we can get everything we need to say to one another said. Oh GOD I CAN'T STAND THIS!!!!
Now I have to go put on a fake smiley face and go to the hospital to see MIL and see what else is going to slap me in the face today.
Love, Barb
1st I get a call that MIL is calling 911. She wants to go to the hospital. That was about 9am this morning. We still don't know what's going on with her and she still doesn't have a room. They are admitting her.
About 12 noon, my older sister 800 miles from me calls and tells me that she has lung cancer. Doctor says he can't operate because she wouldn't survive the surgery. She's dying. The doctor says she has at most a year. She's 54. She doesn't want me to tell the family.
Then about 10 minutes after that, I get a call from the sister who has my dad. She has a badly slipped cervical disc that's causing major pain for her. She can barely move her neck and arm. She has to see a neurosurgeon and may have to have surgery. If she does, she wants me to come and get dad. How can I say no without telling her why? I can't have him here with all that's going on with my other sister. I want to go see my older sister and have some quality time with her before she gets too sick. That right now is more important to me than anything.
I lost two brothers already. I can't stand this!!!! I didn't know what to say to my sister. I couldn't think of any words of comfort. So I just cried. And she listened. And then she told me that we need to talk more often so that we can get everything we need to say to one another said. Oh GOD I CAN'T STAND THIS!!!!
Now I have to go put on a fake smiley face and go to the hospital to see MIL and see what else is going to slap me in the face today.
Love, Barb
Sponsor
Martha H
09-13-2006, 07:20 PM
Dear Barb, I am so sorry for all this bad news in one day. You are in my prayers - may you have the inner strength to get through all this.
I think you MUST tell the sister who has your dad. Some other arrangement must be made for him while she gets her problem fixed. Maybe it won't even have to be surgery.
Tell her and that will make it clear why you can't come. You do have to go and have some real quality time with your other sister. Perhaps Dad can go to the VA nursing home - he really needs to be there anyhow, and this is as good a time as any.
Perhaps your sister will recover after all - where there's life there's hope, but do go and see her. Your MIL is going to get the care she needs, maybe they will finally get her diabetes under control. Can't your husband go there tonight? You have enough on your plate.
Too bad your sister who is so sick lives so far away.
I hope you do get to go there for awhile.
Love and courage, strength and faith,
Martha
I think you MUST tell the sister who has your dad. Some other arrangement must be made for him while she gets her problem fixed. Maybe it won't even have to be surgery.
Tell her and that will make it clear why you can't come. You do have to go and have some real quality time with your other sister. Perhaps Dad can go to the VA nursing home - he really needs to be there anyhow, and this is as good a time as any.
Perhaps your sister will recover after all - where there's life there's hope, but do go and see her. Your MIL is going to get the care she needs, maybe they will finally get her diabetes under control. Can't your husband go there tonight? You have enough on your plate.
Too bad your sister who is so sick lives so far away.
I hope you do get to go there for awhile.
Love and courage, strength and faith,
Martha
jinglebts
09-13-2006, 09:06 PM
Hi there,
Oh my gosh, Barb, this is just dreadful news. Awful. Mostly for your sister with the lung cancer, but I can certainly see that you are stressed out all around.
No time now to reply, but I agree with MarthaH.
Love,
jb
Oh my gosh, Barb, this is just dreadful news. Awful. Mostly for your sister with the lung cancer, but I can certainly see that you are stressed out all around.
No time now to reply, but I agree with MarthaH.
Love,
jb
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-13-2006, 10:54 PM
I won't take my dad back here. I can't do it. I just can't. Not now. I have to make arrangements soon to go to Oklahoma. I have to see my sister face to face. When I talked to her, I told her she should come back here and go to Northwestern University Medical Center in Chicago. She used to work for a doctor there. She should get another opinion. She said maybe. But then she said she should just take her gun and shoot herself.
I'm physically and mentally exausted. And I'm very angry right now. I want to scream. I want to throw something. There's just so much I can take and this is it. I can't take any more.
The doctor's still don't know what's wrong with my MIL. We went to see her but she's all drugged up and snoring away which is good. She hasn't had a decent night's sleep in months. She has a private room and the nurse told us that someone can spend the night with her if we wished. It took everything I had left in me to keep from jumping into caretaker mode and saying "I'll stay". So I'm home now and about to retire to the couch where I'll probably sleep some and cry a lot.
I know life's not fair but this really stinks!
Love, Barb
I'm physically and mentally exausted. And I'm very angry right now. I want to scream. I want to throw something. There's just so much I can take and this is it. I can't take any more.
The doctor's still don't know what's wrong with my MIL. We went to see her but she's all drugged up and snoring away which is good. She hasn't had a decent night's sleep in months. She has a private room and the nurse told us that someone can spend the night with her if we wished. It took everything I had left in me to keep from jumping into caretaker mode and saying "I'll stay". So I'm home now and about to retire to the couch where I'll probably sleep some and cry a lot.
I know life's not fair but this really stinks!
Love, Barb
ToBeFreeToRoam
09-14-2006, 02:28 AM
Hi Barb,
I am really sorry for your many problems and hurts...
Do not allow your dad to come back to live with you right now. And do go see and visit with you dying sister. Does she have any children? Will they take care of her when the time comes?
And if there is any way possible, make for sure that your MIL goes else where when she gets out of the hospital.
You do not need to have any one living with you that you have to take care of. You get sick enuf as it is! Just give your care with visits and from a far!!! You have done your part as far as hands on caregiving.
Rest and breathe.
Love, Wannabe
I am really sorry for your many problems and hurts...
Do not allow your dad to come back to live with you right now. And do go see and visit with you dying sister. Does she have any children? Will they take care of her when the time comes?
And if there is any way possible, make for sure that your MIL goes else where when she gets out of the hospital.
You do not need to have any one living with you that you have to take care of. You get sick enuf as it is! Just give your care with visits and from a far!!! You have done your part as far as hands on caregiving.
Rest and breathe.
Love, Wannabe
Martha H
09-14-2006, 08:26 AM
Dear Barb,
I hope you are coming out of your shock and pain now that it's a new day.
I had a couple of thoughts about your situation in the night.
1. Things do not always turn out as they are projected. Example: My ex had cancer in 1998 and was told that no matter what treatment he got he had about 4 years to live. An operation and chemical treatment took place - now it is 2006, and he is well. He has lived 8 years since that prognosis.
2. The person who has just heard a bad diagnosis is too upset to hear it clearly. I am hoping that in her fear and anxiety your sister may not have heard all of it. In my opinion, there is not a doctor in the world who will say flat out 'this is a hopeless case, go home and die.' he may well have had alternatives which she was too upset to take in. Going for a 2nd opinion at Northwestern is a great idea. (My son worked there for 4 before going on to Florida.)
3. You have to 'clear the board' so you can get to Oklahoma ... do what you can to get some time off work without losing your job, leave everything in the competent hands of your son and your husband, and go .. but while you are there, don't emphasize the fatal aspect but how many are cured in spite of scary diagnoses.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Martha
I hope you are coming out of your shock and pain now that it's a new day.
I had a couple of thoughts about your situation in the night.
1. Things do not always turn out as they are projected. Example: My ex had cancer in 1998 and was told that no matter what treatment he got he had about 4 years to live. An operation and chemical treatment took place - now it is 2006, and he is well. He has lived 8 years since that prognosis.
2. The person who has just heard a bad diagnosis is too upset to hear it clearly. I am hoping that in her fear and anxiety your sister may not have heard all of it. In my opinion, there is not a doctor in the world who will say flat out 'this is a hopeless case, go home and die.' he may well have had alternatives which she was too upset to take in. Going for a 2nd opinion at Northwestern is a great idea. (My son worked there for 4 before going on to Florida.)
3. You have to 'clear the board' so you can get to Oklahoma ... do what you can to get some time off work without losing your job, leave everything in the competent hands of your son and your husband, and go .. but while you are there, don't emphasize the fatal aspect but how many are cured in spite of scary diagnoses.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Martha
angel_bear
09-14-2006, 09:03 AM
Barb, I am SO sorry about the bad news, and agree with everybody else with their suggestions (feeling somewhat useless here in Australia .. but my heart is in the right place) ... and I think the 'powers that be' are giving you and your family a gentle nudge in the direction of putting Dad into a home.
Big hugs my friend ...
Big hugs my friend ...
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-14-2006, 06:48 PM
Whatever R decides to do with dad is up to her. But I will not take him back. My sister S is a registered nurse. She knows what's what with her. She can't take pain medication because she's allergic to everything they give her for pain. I don't mean allergic like hives. Her airways close up on her.
I can't even make a decision to go down there right now. I have to process this first. S has 3 children. One is about 40 miles from her. Another is in Louisiana. And her youngest is about 40 miles from me. The one close to her has three small children of her own and is consumed with her own life. I don't know if S is even speaking to her daughter now. They had a severe falling out about two years ago. S has had emphesema for a while now so I guess the full blown cancer wasn't totally a surprise. It was shocking though. Still is.
I'm not crying now and I actually slept rather well last night considering all that pelted me yesterday. So deep breathes are helping....
I don't think I'm going to see MIL tonight. Still no news on her except that the doctor who was coming to her house to clean her bedsores was not actually doing what he said he was. MIL has been going all day for this test and that test. I'll know more tomorrow when I think I'll be able to handle it a little better.
Keep talking to me ladies. Without you all, I'd have went into a severe meltdown last night. But after reading your words of encouragement and support, I was able to rest.
I love each and every one of you!!!
Love, Barb
I can't even make a decision to go down there right now. I have to process this first. S has 3 children. One is about 40 miles from her. Another is in Louisiana. And her youngest is about 40 miles from me. The one close to her has three small children of her own and is consumed with her own life. I don't know if S is even speaking to her daughter now. They had a severe falling out about two years ago. S has had emphesema for a while now so I guess the full blown cancer wasn't totally a surprise. It was shocking though. Still is.
I'm not crying now and I actually slept rather well last night considering all that pelted me yesterday. So deep breathes are helping....
I don't think I'm going to see MIL tonight. Still no news on her except that the doctor who was coming to her house to clean her bedsores was not actually doing what he said he was. MIL has been going all day for this test and that test. I'll know more tomorrow when I think I'll be able to handle it a little better.
Keep talking to me ladies. Without you all, I'd have went into a severe meltdown last night. But after reading your words of encouragement and support, I was able to rest.
I love each and every one of you!!!
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-14-2006, 07:59 PM
Barb, keep up the good work! You have a lot of spunk and it shows. You will be OK. All these things have a way of straightening themselves out. Your sister's children will rally around her. Small differences of opinion that cause estrangements disappear when real need arises.
Your MIL is being cared for. Your sister R (or a NH) will keep dad. Everything is going to be all right.
You are continually in my prayers, and I strongly believe prayer works.
love,
martha
Your MIL is being cared for. Your sister R (or a NH) will keep dad. Everything is going to be all right.
You are continually in my prayers, and I strongly believe prayer works.
love,
martha
needtoescape
09-15-2006, 12:15 AM
Barb,
I don't know what to do but just offer a cyberhug (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Barb))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))) - and prayers. I am so sorry about your sister. Thinking how I'd feel if it was my own sister takes my breath away and brings tears of empathy. God be with you as you take things one step at a time. N2E
I don't know what to do but just offer a cyberhug (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Barb))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))) - and prayers. I am so sorry about your sister. Thinking how I'd feel if it was my own sister takes my breath away and brings tears of empathy. God be with you as you take things one step at a time. N2E
georgie04
09-15-2006, 03:59 AM
Dearest Barb,
I am so sorry to hear your news. You are a beautiful soul and it is hard to see so much pain happening in your life. But you are also a strong woman and I am glad to see you prioritising all these dreadful happenings in terms of what is the most value. As sad as MIL's situation is, you have done everything you can to help her. You cannot have your father back. You CAN think of ways to spend time with your sister that cement and generate happy memories for the both of you - I know that may sound perverse, but spending time talking about the good things will help both her and you as you face this very difficult time together.
love
Georgie
I am so sorry to hear your news. You are a beautiful soul and it is hard to see so much pain happening in your life. But you are also a strong woman and I am glad to see you prioritising all these dreadful happenings in terms of what is the most value. As sad as MIL's situation is, you have done everything you can to help her. You cannot have your father back. You CAN think of ways to spend time with your sister that cement and generate happy memories for the both of you - I know that may sound perverse, but spending time talking about the good things will help both her and you as you face this very difficult time together.
love
Georgie
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-15-2006, 07:22 PM
I didn't sleep well last night. Feeling a bit guilty about not being able to take care of everything for everyone. How silly is that? I know I can't be all and do all. But still I wish I could....
I'm not going to see MIL tonight either. I worked 50 hours this week and have to work tomorrow (I signed up for tomorrow before all this other stuff happened). I'm not feeling so well either. Bronchitis is acting up again. I have the chronic kind. It never really goes away and when it flares up, I cough till I choke or upchuck or both.
Lots of sleep is the plan for tonight. I'm just so exausted....I can't wait to see my doctor and get my thyroid checked again. I'll bet it's WAY off again.
Love, Barb
I'm not going to see MIL tonight either. I worked 50 hours this week and have to work tomorrow (I signed up for tomorrow before all this other stuff happened). I'm not feeling so well either. Bronchitis is acting up again. I have the chronic kind. It never really goes away and when it flares up, I cough till I choke or upchuck or both.
Lots of sleep is the plan for tonight. I'm just so exausted....I can't wait to see my doctor and get my thyroid checked again. I'll bet it's WAY off again.
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-15-2006, 09:26 PM
Dear Barb,
I hope you sleep well and get better fast. It seems we often get physically sick when life deals us too much stress at once...
Love,
Martha
I hope you sleep well and get better fast. It seems we often get physically sick when life deals us too much stress at once...
Love,
Martha
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-16-2006, 04:55 PM
I'm having a really bad day today. Feeling really down and depressed. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks today. I can't stop crying. I've been thinking of calling S but I'm scared. No I'm terrified. And I feel guilty because I know she's more terrified than I am.
R called me again today and said she's getting much worse. She now has what looks like big burns on her back and she doesn't know what they're from. I think she was going to ask me to come get dad. She's on so much pain medication that she sounded like she was drunk. She had to get off the phone before she could ask me to come get dad so I dodged that bullet for now. R has a lot of people there helping with dad so he is better off there. I cannot and will not take him on now.
This pain is awful! I'm trying right now to live just one moment at a time. No more than that because I'll just make myself sick as a dog.
Tomorrow is my 18th wedding anniversary and Wednesday is my 44th birthday and I don't feel like celebrating anything. But I'll go through the motions and try to have as good a time as possible.
Love, Barb
R called me again today and said she's getting much worse. She now has what looks like big burns on her back and she doesn't know what they're from. I think she was going to ask me to come get dad. She's on so much pain medication that she sounded like she was drunk. She had to get off the phone before she could ask me to come get dad so I dodged that bullet for now. R has a lot of people there helping with dad so he is better off there. I cannot and will not take him on now.
This pain is awful! I'm trying right now to live just one moment at a time. No more than that because I'll just make myself sick as a dog.
Tomorrow is my 18th wedding anniversary and Wednesday is my 44th birthday and I don't feel like celebrating anything. But I'll go through the motions and try to have as good a time as possible.
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-16-2006, 08:52 PM
Dear Barb,
Everything is going to be all right. This is a bad time but it will pass, and things will get better. Hang in there. Everyone on this Board is very concerned for you, we love you. You are in my prayers.
Love,
Martha
Everything is going to be all right. This is a bad time but it will pass, and things will get better. Hang in there. Everyone on this Board is very concerned for you, we love you. You are in my prayers.
Love,
Martha
BonBe
09-20-2006, 09:30 AM
Oh Barb what to say? I simply do not understand some family dynamics. Your older sister who is so gravely ill, and R are sisters right? I find that sort of sad that R is not being told of her sister (as you are also their sister) Gee I am probably way out of the loop.
Sure hope things all around become a tad bit brighter for you and yours. Today is your B day..... HAPPY HAPPY DAY to you my dear. Do take care, and know that even though I am silent, I still try to keep some tabs open. (nosy me?)
How is your dad doing physically now? Take care of C and C jr.
Love Bonnie:angel:
Sure hope things all around become a tad bit brighter for you and yours. Today is your B day..... HAPPY HAPPY DAY to you my dear. Do take care, and know that even though I am silent, I still try to keep some tabs open. (nosy me?)
How is your dad doing physically now? Take care of C and C jr.
Love Bonnie:angel:
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-20-2006, 08:19 PM
Oh Bonnie I am SOOOOO HAPPY to hear from you! I've missed you SO MUCH! How sweet of you to remember my birthday. You've made my day! I feel like jumping for joy!
It's been 7 days since I found out about my sister and I've gone through a whole gammut of emotions so your timing is PERFECT!
Do me a favor please. Don't stay too silent, ok? I worry so much when I don't hear from you.
Dad is ok physically other than the AD. Hubby and son are fine. Ds is again working at our local tv station (he quit for a while-differences with the former executive producer). And now he's taking a class in tv basics and he's teaching the teacher. He's been doing the job for two years now and the teacher has never done anything like that before. So he is teaching the teacher.
How are you? And Bob, Jennifer, Neil and your mom?
Well, I'm off to check my e-mail and then kick back on my couch.....
Love, Barb
It's been 7 days since I found out about my sister and I've gone through a whole gammut of emotions so your timing is PERFECT!
Do me a favor please. Don't stay too silent, ok? I worry so much when I don't hear from you.
Dad is ok physically other than the AD. Hubby and son are fine. Ds is again working at our local tv station (he quit for a while-differences with the former executive producer). And now he's taking a class in tv basics and he's teaching the teacher. He's been doing the job for two years now and the teacher has never done anything like that before. So he is teaching the teacher.
How are you? And Bob, Jennifer, Neil and your mom?
Well, I'm off to check my e-mail and then kick back on my couch.....
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-20-2006, 09:23 PM
Happy birthday to you,
Haaapppy biiirthday tooo youuuuu,
Happy birthday dear Luv my little doggie!
Happy birthday too youuuu..
and may all your problems be solved!
love,
martha
Haaapppy biiirthday tooo youuuuu,
Happy birthday dear Luv my little doggie!
Happy birthday too youuuu..
and may all your problems be solved!
love,
martha
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-21-2006, 07:16 PM
Thank you!:) I was in bed by the time you posted. I treated myself to lots of sleep!
Love, Barb
Love, Barb
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-24-2006, 04:49 PM
Good news! My sister S had a PET scan and saw a different doctor. He told her what the other doctor saw on the CT scan and what he saw on the PET scan might not be cancer after all. She has to have a biopsy done but this new doctor thinks it's either a benign tumor or scar tissue. She said she might go to Chicago for the biopsy.
Now S is ready to kick the other doctor's butt for scaring her (and us) like that.
R has to have surgery on her neck Tuesday. She woke up in pain a couple of weeks ago and found out a few days ago that she has two cracked vertebrae and a bulging disc in her cervical spine. She hasn't mentioned me coming to get dad again (thank goodness!!!).
And now I'm having neck pain again on and off. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago with two bulging discs and one herniated disc in my cervical spine. I was also diagnosed with ulnar nerve entrapment in my right arm. I wasn't having any real pain at the time, just some numbness. My doctor's theory was that because one of my discs was protruding into an area he called "nerve central", it must have somehow blocked the pain. He said that by the looks of my MRI, I should have been in extreme pain but I wasn't and I'm still not usually. But some days, like today, are orse than others.
Anyway, this really has nothing to do with AD except dad's not coming home (YAY!!!)!!!
I'm just happy right now with the news that S still has hope and so do I.
Love, Barb
Now S is ready to kick the other doctor's butt for scaring her (and us) like that.
R has to have surgery on her neck Tuesday. She woke up in pain a couple of weeks ago and found out a few days ago that she has two cracked vertebrae and a bulging disc in her cervical spine. She hasn't mentioned me coming to get dad again (thank goodness!!!).
And now I'm having neck pain again on and off. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago with two bulging discs and one herniated disc in my cervical spine. I was also diagnosed with ulnar nerve entrapment in my right arm. I wasn't having any real pain at the time, just some numbness. My doctor's theory was that because one of my discs was protruding into an area he called "nerve central", it must have somehow blocked the pain. He said that by the looks of my MRI, I should have been in extreme pain but I wasn't and I'm still not usually. But some days, like today, are orse than others.
Anyway, this really has nothing to do with AD except dad's not coming home (YAY!!!)!!!
I'm just happy right now with the news that S still has hope and so do I.
Love, Barb
Martha H
09-24-2006, 06:25 PM
Let's hope that GOOD news now comes in in 6's!!
Thanks for the wonderful news. You see? Doctors make mistakes all the time and scare the daylights out of us ...
I hope all the aches and pains resolve themselves withut surgery!
love,
Martha
Thanks for the wonderful news. You see? Doctors make mistakes all the time and scare the daylights out of us ...
I hope all the aches and pains resolve themselves withut surgery!
love,
Martha
LuvMyLilDoggie
09-25-2006, 07:26 PM
They're not 100% sure it's not cancer so they will go in and biopsy it. But at least there's hope now...
Love, Barb
Love, Barb