As I read so many of these messages and replies it is amazing to me how much insighteveryone seems to have in regards to other peoples struggles and suffering. Yet somehow it is so much harder to grant ourselves the same compassion and patience. As if somehow we are worse and undeserving of that.

I I do have a question...I have been bulimic for abbout 5 years. I am about average size, 5'7.5" and 102 lbs. Lately O have been not trying to keep anything down, but my weight has pretty much stayed the same. So now even when I get the urge to try to get better I am afraid that my body won't process food normally, and ANYTHING i eat will just go on as weight. Does anybody know what happens to your metabolism, and what happen when you start to eat again. Even if you restrict but don't throw up will you gain alot of weight?

I have wondered the same thing. I guess one of the reasons why I am not trying too hard to get better is because I am afraid that whatever I eat, my body will just store as fat!

You do have a point with other people giving insight to others problems, yet not using the same advice on themselves. It's totally true! (I even admit it!)

I'm not a doctor, but I can tell you what I've read and what doctors have told me. I also went through this (more times than I can mention actually), so here goes. Your body will not process food normally at first. It's ok! Please keep reading http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif. The body goes into starvation mode when a person is anorexic or bulimic. Basically, your body is afraid that you are not going to feed it, so when you do, it will hoard every calorie it can and store it for later b/c it doesn't know when you are going to feed it again. Your body is doing the best it can to stay alive without any supplies to fuel things it has to do every day, like breathe and walk. The calories that are not burned throughout the day are stored as fat. Your metabolism is slower because your body is conserving energy. This is also why a person may stop getting her period. The body shuts down all functions that are not absolutely necessary for survival b/c it doesn't have enough energy to do everything. You actually burn more calories throughout the day than you think just doing things like walking around.

This is only temporary!! Once you begin to eat "normally", your body realizes that it doesn't have to hoard calories any more b/c it is receiving regular nourishment. Your metabolism begins to climb until it returns to normal. Let's face it, you will gain weight and it is scary! The beginning of the recovery period is the hardest for many people b/c some of the weight comes back so quickly. It is really important during this time to have a strong support system and realize that you are going to be ok. It is very easy to relapse in the beginning of recovery. Stick with it! Your metabolism will even out, and the weight gain will stop! You won't weigh what you did at the height of an eating disorder but remember that's not what you're supposed to weigh! It isn't healthy to maintain super-low weight and body fat.

I relapsed so many times when trying to recover I can't even count them all. The only way to get through it is to do exactly that...stick with it and make yourself get through it. It isn't easy, but there isn't an easy way. Please try!