I have a quick question.... Now I know everyone fears HIV and I am no execption. My ex and I have a baby together. I always worried about his past stories. Now let me tell you he is a huge liar so what he told me may or may not be true I dunno. Anyway, after I learned I was pregnant we broke up. It was a date rape. Well, I got tested at 18 days after and it was negative. At 7 months pregnant I still worried and I got checked again and again it was negative. Now, after all he did to me after the baby was born I went back to him. I didn't want to be single with a baby so we ended up at 6 weeks right where it began. I told him no but he just wanted to put the "tip in" so he was not really in me for more than 30 seconds after I told him NO again. Well, I turned my back to him and he tried to go anal which really hurt me because I had not healed completely from the birth. I immediately got up and left and stopped worrying about being single. Now, I am worried that I could have gotten HIV. I know so many factors would have to be true like one he would have had to have been with someone during the pregnancy and she would have had to have had HIV and he would have had to have contracted it. I can't ask him about it because he gets really mean and calls me stupid. I think I am OK but what are the chances? I know I know only way to know for sure is to get tested. I just wanted to ask opinions.

Well, aside from the usual questions like: "what were you thinking?" And, "just how badly do you need this guy, or any guy for that matter?" the most important question is: did he ejaculate inside you? If not, then I suspect and am pretty certain that you're OK. However, if he did, then I think you need to be re-tested? And, I say this, not because I suspect he is HIV+, but because I think you need to have some closure on this relationship.

You do understand that "no" means no" in all states. ANd, that given your description of this past encounter, it would seem very close to either rape (again!) or domestic assault. And, at the very least, a restraining order seems absolutely in order. I understand that this is really difficult (aside from the HIV question) but I hope that you have a support person/persons with whom you can confide. LIke, maybe a big brother named "Guido" or an uncle name "Tony." chris

He did ejacuate in me before I was pregnant and that is how I became pregnant. I tested negative twice after this encounter. When I gave him a second chance after she was born he was not in me for more than thirty seconds before I moved out from under him. He did NOT ejaculate in me this time. I know what "NO" means but he does not. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't want to be single and raise her without a man but I realized that he was bad news. My lawyer now says it is too late to press charges because it's his against mine. I am with a man now who loves me and my daughter and who I think I will marry. It's highly likely that we will marry. He is a virgin. I have to turn my daughter over to him every other weekend so there will never be any closure.

Dear worried: So, given what you've said, i would suggest that you have no HIV issue.

I am truly sorry about this situation for you. Honestly, I grieve. But I rejoice that oyu have found someone new. Good luck, chris

Thanks Chris. I don't know why but "hearing" what you said makes me feel a lot better. So you think I am fine? I know my ex had foot surgery in July for a broken foot and I have heard they take blood before surgery so I would hope that if he had something he would have told me.

Seriously? If he did not ejaculate inside you then there is no transmission of the HIV virus (assuming, of course, that he was HIV+. WHen they take blood for a surgical procedure, they don't test for HIV. In fact, they can't test for HIV without the patient signing an agreement to get the test. ANd, he doesn't appear to be the kind of person who could or would accept that. chris

Well, I know for a fact he didn't ejaculate in me. But I thought even in pre that there could be transmission. I dunno. Oh and he lied about surgery I just learned that out tonight. UGH! But the reason I asked is because a friend of mine's father just had surgery last week and had to have a blood transfusion and he got Hep B and C now. His test before surgery showed negative and now he has both. Crazy I know!