Hey, thanx for replying to my message, i dont want to get a new doctor cause they are just not helping, i am scared, and i am still losing weight, i am 16 and i fit in age 9-10 clothes, i have just found out that i have cancer, so i have that to worry about too.(thanx for the compliment about my writing james) Anyway i know i need help, but i just dont want it, i feel so fat and i just want to be really thin, i want to look like ally mcbeal so is soooo pretty. It all started because i relised that men like thin wowen, i egt alot of attention from men cause i am thin, my boyfriend tells me i am too thin and so does my best mates, but they are lying to make me feel better. Its not like i am not pretty but i am not thin enough, maybe if i keep starving myself i might end up dead, that might be the best idea i have had in a while, no-one would care if i did die, my mum and me don't get on, my dad doesn't want to know me, i cant talk to my brothers and sisters cause they hate me. they only people i have are my best friend and my boyfriend, my other best mate died of bulimia and anorexia and i feel that it is my fault i have to go now sorry this rambles on a bit love caz

Originally posted by CAZ:
Hey, thanx for replying to my message, i dont want to get a new doctor cause they are just not helping, i am scared, and i am still losing weight, i am 16 and i fit in age 9-10 clothes, i have just found out that i have cancer, so i have that to worry about too.(thanx for the compliment about my writing james) Anyway i know i need help, but i just dont want it, i feel so fat and i just want to be really thin, i want to look like ally mcbeal so is soooo pretty. It all started because i relised that men like thin wowen, i egt alot of attention from men cause i am thin, my boyfriend tells me i am too thin and so does my best mates, but they are lying to make me feel better. Its not like i am not pretty but i am not thin enough, maybe if i keep starving myself i might end up dead, that might be the best idea i have had in a while, no-one would care if i did die, my mum and me don't get on, my dad doesn't want to know me, i cant talk to my brothers and sisters cause they hate me. they only people i have are my best friend and my boyfriend, my other best mate died of bulimia and anorexia and i feel that it is my fault i have to go now sorry this rambles on a bit love caz

Dear Caz
I sorry to here you have cancer that's awful I hope that you are all right. Thanks for wanting my email address I would love to hear from you. I tried to change my email and password at the same time and have temporarily zapped myself for the system. so I have re-registered This is my email address goldfish4210@lycos.co.uk.

I'm interested in your attitude to food because its so different from mine. For a long time I used to look at food as means to alter my mood or get comfort, never about weight, I've never had the slightest concern about it. What I hate is feeling addicted to sugar I mean really in the grip of a uncontrollable desire to eat. My aim is to be balanced in what I eat and to feel reasonably healthy, I don't like worrying about my health and the idea that I'm doing myself harm.

Anyway I'm interested how do you function without eating. I mean what do you run on batteries? What about "girlpower"? How are you surpposed to have that, when you are on the verge of fainting though trying not to eat? You mention that your friends are lying to you to make you feel better, yeah right! That really likely, after all, it could not possibly be that they have your best interests at heart.

In regards to your own size and weight, that is your choice and up to you to decide.
But you to be attractive what's the point in being so thin that you have no energy to be sexy. It takes effort to smile and be cheerful. If you haven't got any energy you might as well be a mannequin in some shop window and I don't see many men going out with mannequins.

Warmest regards James

PS I'm sorry if this sounds harsh its just the way it comes out sometimes, I really wish the very best though ;=)

hey james, i see food as something that i hate, i have a desire to be thin, i hate the way i am, and not meaning to sound harsh, but i have a totally different problem to you, you dont know how it feels to long to be dead and to feel as if food is your enemy, i hate being anorexic, but i like being thin, i have no desire to be "sexy" i have a boyfriend who means everything to me, although most guys cant handle a "paper thin" girlfriend or someone who looks like a "twig". my friends try but i dont believe them, one of my mates tells me i am anorexic but i dont think i am. i have to go now love always caz

Hi Caz
You are right in a way I don't no anything about anorexia, I heard the word of course. Thats why I find it refreshing to talk about, because its so different from comfort eating. I hope I don't annoy you too much with my lack of knowledge.


You know you say you want to be thin, It sounds to me that you are achieving you adjective really well.
You have chosen to be thin, and you are thin by the sound of things, so well done.


What don't you like about it though? Is it about not feeling healthy. Or Not being able to enjoy food.
Or is the biggest thing just feeling really really low, as you mentioned above.

This questions open to anyone else in a similar situation.

Take good care of yourself,
bye for now James

hey james, i see food as a enemey, i dont like this because i pass out alot through lack of nutrition and lack of anergy, i cant even go to the toilet without being puffed out, i self-harm as way to deal with this, anorexia is not just not eating, its the side affects too, the depression and hatred comes with it have to go repley soon love CAZ

Hi Caz
You really sound like you are having a very rough time. I've been thinking, It's not, not eating which you don't like, its the effects like having no energy. I think you have put your finger on the whole problem.

Not eating and starving yourself can give a sort of mental ecstasy mistics and religious people have been doing it for thousands of years. Going without food ease highly addictive it makes you feel high like you're seeing through time. you are able to create your own reality. Am I wrong? You're feeling in the dumps now, but what about when you're flying high, there must be times when you're in outer space.

Despite all the benefits of not eating it still better to be healthy and imbalance with yourself. Just imagine what it would be like to not be worried about your health, to know you had a good chance of surviving through the best years of your life of which are the next ten years for starters.

I advise you to start fighting anorexia in any way you can because if you start winning the battles I think you will get benefits and advantages you never knew existed. You are in a better position to know how to do this than I, and I'm not saying I would even be able to do it, as it seems like a mammoth task.

Is there anything but I can do to help, do you know what it is you require or could do feel better about eating food? Food is quite good you know, when used right, I find it much easier to stand up for myself and not be pushed around if I'm not hungry.

my very best wishes to you

James.

warmest regards James

copyright James Swale

hey james, you writing is so good, it makes me feel warm i am writing a book at the moment about a young girl with anorexia, it is more my life story, but i have always been interested in writing. It will be hard for me to beat anorexia and it will take along time, you talk about "highs" but what are they? i never have "highs" it is all lows.

I am living a world of emptys and i want to be normmal, but i dont know how to be "normal" any more.

warmest regards Caz

reply soon love caz

Hi there Caz
how are things? Just a quick message to see how you doing. I'm interested to know more about you. How is your book going, and have you any other hobbies?. And what TV programmes you like. I will tell you a little about me. I live in Hove next to Brighton. In a flat which is on the seafront. I'm recovering from a knee injury which is taking for ever to get better. My favourite TV programmes are Robot wars, Angel and scrap each challenge, I think Buffy has lost the plot lately and there are too many charactors. I have loads of self-help type books which I never read, and am into New Age stuff.

Take care

James

hey james, my book is coming along great, i am really enjoying writing it, i like watching everything, i like ngel and buffy, but lately i have been watching more films then anyhthing else, it was my birthday on friday, so i went to see vertical limit with my mates. It was great and i even managed to eat something, i am a little interseted in you to, how are old you? Height? ect. what type of films are you in to??? repley soon i love hearing from you and i really look foward to your next repley, if you want ot e-mail me instead of repley on the messsege board my e-mail address is: neversayneveruk@yahoo.com
see you soon
love caz

please don't do this to yourself it is not worth it i was that way and had to go to the hospital be fed through iv's and stuff i hated myself so much i wanted to die and tried it once i know this may sound crazy but i met someone and he helped me so much i still think i am fat and probably always will but i dont starve myself i learned life is more important and when i have kids i don't want to go through what i watched my parents go through i was down to 70 lbs at the age of 17...please try to get help...

Hi Caz
Happy birthday to you and thank you for your e-mail address, sounds like a good night out on the town. And you actualy ate something, whatever next! well done, an good on you.
Things are a bit hectic with me at the moment Joy Riders stole my car yesterday and crashed it, There was a car chase and they caught this fifteen year old lad. I just paid out £317 quid to have it fixed as well. But such is life, at least I should get something from the insurance, I hope.
Good to read your message by the way.
must dash.

bye for now James.

james you still didn't an answer my questions how old are you? ect. sorry to hear about your car, speak to you soon, love caz

Hello Caz
I'm terribly I didn't realise the Spanish Inquisition was still happening, :=) I'm am 29, six foot two, weight 11 1/2 stone. I'm on sickness benefit because my knee injury, which is okay because I'm bit of a slacker. My favourite film is Matrix. I'm wondering about posting a message on the main board, as my eating thing is creeping up on me, and I'm eating too much, I'm finding it very hard to stop, under sort of grazing quite a lot and having large meals. I'm okay now that if I carry on I know I'm going to quite Cranky. But I hate feeling empty and hungry, I admire people who are able not to eat, because a lot of the spiritual giants through history that I admire, advocate fasting to improve one's mind and become more sensitive. I would dearly love to be able to fast, I think that it would be the good for my health. What is your view on this, apart from that I'm a nutcase.

Is there any chance Caz, that you or anyone else reading this, who feels so inclined, please give me some encourgement to get my eating sorted out, I'm finding it hard, I would be very grateful.

Cheers James.

Hey james, if you want to cut down on your eating then why dont you find something that interests you, i am guessing that because of your knee promlem then that must mean that you dont get to do alot of moving around, i know you are a good writer so why dont you start writing short stories, post them on the board for others to read, i have said before that your writing is so warm and inviting, so why not give it a go!!!!!!!!

And dont try to starve yourself or "fast" because it is not worth it, and there is nothing good about it.
either is throwing up after meals so dont either think about that one!!!

Reply soon love CAZ

Hi Caz it was good to read your message, thank you for your kind words about my writing, though I would just like to say, that I consider my writing to be no greater or less important than yours or anyone else's. I like the idea that you suggested about posting a story would journal.

I'm getting a bit conscious that this message board is getting a bit huge, it feels a bit like unchartered territory, I hope no one minds is if it carries on. I wonder if anyone is reading it and what they think. I can't imagine that is doing any harm, so I'm going to carry on because I quite enjoy posting here.

I set myself a goal of not eating for eight hours yesterday, and I managed seven. It was quite hard even know I pigged out a bit before starting. I know the most other people can go for eight hours or longer without eating, with no difficulty whatsoever. I'm pleased I managed what I did, and then going to try again soon, maybe for a little longer.

I know there is a lot of people like yourself who use this message board that are anorexia. But in the general population this far more people who like food too much. I would say for every one anorexia there are 50 people who abuse food and are addicted to sugar. And the two have different health issues. Anorexics prevent there body getting the building blocks they need for their developing bone structure, vital organs and brain function, amongst other things. I have on the other hand have vitamins and vitality coming out my ears, but I am at risk from heart disease and hardening of the arteries. From The tuns of junk food I used to consume, and overeating causes diabetes and that's no joke to have. Just look at the statistics, heart attacks are the number one killer in the western world. The thing I also hate about overeating is that it weekens me mentally and turns me into bit of a tosswit, as well as making may paranoid. I'm determined to start small and begin winning the battles, its what I want, but in the it is the biggest and hardest challenge I face. But I think my motives are based on common sense at least.

Bye for now James