I am curious about something and I thought I'd throw it out there and see if anyone has any insight. I have struggled with my weight since puberty, but throughout most of my life have been able to maintain an "average" weight with the exception of a year-long period a few years back where I climbed up to 175lbs. No matter what though, I've never been satisfied that I am thin enough and am always looking to lose another 10 lbs or so.

I got pregnant in June and became terrified of the weight I was going to gain. I read everything I could get my hands on to find out how much of a weight gain was considered "normal" and at what rate the weight should go on. I lost the baby in September and immediately set out to lose the weight I had put on. I was at that time weighing in at 140lbs. (I am 5'2) That sounds like a lot, I know, but it wasn't too terrible as I was wearing a size 6. I was unhappy, but didn't feel like a complete blimp or anything. Anyhow, I became somewhat obsessive about my weight and had quickly dropped down to 130lbs., which has been my average for about the last 4 years.

In October, I picked up an old habit--cocaine--and then in December I started doing crystal meth and now am experiencing an addiction to that drug. Because of the drugs, I now weigh 115 and am wearing a size 2. I have had people at work and my Doctor ask me if I am purging because of the weight loss, my parents are scared to death and my boyfriend is extremely concerned. My brand new psycologist asked me if I was purging too and it completely came out of nowhere. People are telling me that I look horrible and that I am too thin, my clothes all hang off me, but I still feel like I'm fat and I don't understand why other people are so concerned about it. 115 is not that thin for someone my height, I would like to lose another 10 lbs.--105 would be great. All of my male friends are constantly commenting on how great I look which leads me to wonder if the negative comments are rooted in jealousy?

Anyhow, I'm getting off track. I try to stay under 1200 calories a day when I am eating and I experience such a great feeling of accomplishment when I go to bed and can say I only had 600 calories that day. Someone else talked about liking going to bed hungry-I can relate. I LOVE to get that empty feeling in my stomach. I know once I get that emptiness, the urge to eat will go away.

I have been doing meth about 4-5 days a week and use diet pills on the days in between to control my hunger. I usually eat once a day, right after work in the evenings. When I saw my psycologist the other day, she asked me if I wanted to get off the meth and I told her no. I'm terrified of what a meth addiction could do to my life, but I'm more terrified of gaining weight and I know that if I get off the meth I will gain weight.

I have posted on other boards about my addiction, but I guess the reason I wanted to post here is because I am curious as to whether it would be considered an eating disorder to use meth in this way or if any of you have ever had any experience with this. I am greatly concerned because drugs have always been an issue with me and so has my weight and now that the two are meshing together, I'm afraid I'm lost.

Sorry for rambling, but everything is haywire right now and it's hard to make a complete thought come together.

just because you lost weight when you went on meth, this doesn't mean that coming off it will make you put on weight. i know alot of people with different addictions, so i dont know what it feels like first hand, but i do know what it feels like second hand and i know that is hard for that person.

i cannot say if you have an eating disorder over the net, but what i can tell, is that you dont have one now then you may end up with one, i am not saying come off the meth straight away, because i know how difficult this is, why dont you try and take fewer times during the week?

i have anorexia and i hardly eat and i have a strong fear of putting on weight, but i am trying and you should too. I have had three different family members dying from drug addictions, including my brither whom i was very close too, and i would hate to see you end up like that.

Start eating more meals during the day instead of just the one in the evening, even small things with little calorie intake as i know that you are trying to keep your calorie count down, but 1200 is way too low.

maybe the reason why you returned to the use of drugs because you felt that this was an "easy way to escape". but its not it makes it harder, anyway now i am going on, i wish you the best of luck, and remember that you have the rest of your life ahead, dont waste any more time, e-mail me if you want to talk, i understand what you are going through
love CAZ
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Hi Princess,
Fancy meeting me here, huh? I recovered from anorexia and bulimia about 2 yrs ago, but I still think about weight all the time. I can still relate. Like CAZ, I can't diagnose you, but you do show some tedencies toward an eating disorder. Combining the drugs and not eating is sooo incredibly dangerous for your heart I can't even stress it enough. Are you taking any steps to stop using meth and coke? What does your psychologist have to say about your eating? Have you told her? She may be able to help you.

Please try and eat a little more each day. Every little bit helps. Take care of yourself. Make sure to let me know how you're doing.

Hey Girls and Guys,

I have had many addictions and still have them but as you proberly know, I control them now, they don't control me.

I had a weight problem as I got older because of a natural metabolism change and because I had finally got my drug addictions under control.

I modified my life style (which getting off of drugs is the same) by changing my eating habits. First, I ate less carbs and starches, you know the pasta,pototoes and breads. Second I cut back on my sugars, no more colas, sodas and candy or cookies.
Then I started eating smaller meals but more meals per day. Mostly protein but always a fresh salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing. I like fresh veggies like, cukes,tomatoes,fresh spinach and other greens. I eat a lot of meat now, but none of it is fried. Baked, broiled or steamed.
I dropped 40 lbs in about the same amount of days, another 10 took 2 months, another 10 took another 2 months. I got a moderate amount of exercise, but not much because I have a bad back.

I am now within 15 lbs of what I should weight and have been for several years.

Depression and anti-depressants did'nt make me gain weight as it does some people because I stuck to my new eating habits.

My lady friends gave me confidence and the ability to get rid of most of my bad habits and start some good habits. But in the end it was my choice and it took commitment.

One way to look at it is that I saved my own life. Drugs kill if they don't do it soon they screw up what life you have left. They make you hurt yourself and hurt others. They make you forget the difference between good and bad, right and wrong, friend and drug buddys. They will cut at least thirty years off your life if they don't kill you first or your actions don't get you killed.

Of course there is another thing they do, and have done to so many thousands (actually over a million now I believe). They help you put yourself in prison. There of course you can be re-educated in all the things public school did'nt teach you. I hear it can be lots of laughs.

I think I would rather carry around a few extra pounds and/or practice good eating habits.

Peace

First thing get help for your meth addiction. my mom chose meth over her family for the past few years and went to rehab but she left rehab and is still using. She lost alot of weight too but that didn't make her look attractive, she aged and looked alot older than she is. Try going to NA meetings and I'm sure you will find a wonderful support group to help you with all of your problems.


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Illusion