AnnaKaren
09-15-2006, 10:36 PM
Since dad's dr. told him he could live with me if I agreed (!), dad has been put on Ativan 2x a day to calm him down. Thanks to the dr., he really believes he's leaving any day and is constantly (every 20 minutes tonight) calling me. They have locked up the phone in dad's area, but he goes to the community rec room and that phone is attached to the wall. Today he's also called the dr.'s office a number of times. I asked them to tell the dr. to call dad and tell him he is staying where he is once and for all.
The caregiver I spoke with tonight told me she will hang up the phone as dad tries to dial, but cannot always catch him if she's busy with another resident, especially at nights doing baths, etc. What scares me is she says dad gets very angry and has tried to hit her with the phone.
So my question now is does anyone know where they would send dad if he does succeed in hitting/hurting a caregiver or nurse there? This just never ends. She told him she would call the police and he'd go to jail just to scare him, but he told her he is a patient and she can't do that. Very smart mouth.
So ladies I am sorry to say this is getting worse - dad was even seen shaking the fence outside recently to get out. Things are quite bad right now.
Anna
The caregiver I spoke with tonight told me she will hang up the phone as dad tries to dial, but cannot always catch him if she's busy with another resident, especially at nights doing baths, etc. What scares me is she says dad gets very angry and has tried to hit her with the phone.
So my question now is does anyone know where they would send dad if he does succeed in hitting/hurting a caregiver or nurse there? This just never ends. She told him she would call the police and he'd go to jail just to scare him, but he told her he is a patient and she can't do that. Very smart mouth.
So ladies I am sorry to say this is getting worse - dad was even seen shaking the fence outside recently to get out. Things are quite bad right now.
Anna
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georgie04
09-16-2006, 12:14 AM
Oh gosh, this has been going on for six months now hasn't it? How awful for both of you.
Is there some way you can screen your calls, and just not answer him? Give the home your mobile number if they need to call you in an emergency? It might not solve the problem of his wanting to come and live with you, but it will hopefully avoid him getting into conflict situations with the staff?
I have had to do this with SIL when she gets obsessed with something and I simply can't bear to have the discussion again. She does eventually move on to something else - but I don't imagine it would be that easy with your father, he sounds as though he is on a real mission!!
I can't tell you where to next if he clips someone around the ears with a telephone - but I have a feeling it might not be as pleasant as where he is now. If you can at least try to avoid that happening it might be the best you can do for now.
my thoughts are with you
Georgie
Is there some way you can screen your calls, and just not answer him? Give the home your mobile number if they need to call you in an emergency? It might not solve the problem of his wanting to come and live with you, but it will hopefully avoid him getting into conflict situations with the staff?
I have had to do this with SIL when she gets obsessed with something and I simply can't bear to have the discussion again. She does eventually move on to something else - but I don't imagine it would be that easy with your father, he sounds as though he is on a real mission!!
I can't tell you where to next if he clips someone around the ears with a telephone - but I have a feeling it might not be as pleasant as where he is now. If you can at least try to avoid that happening it might be the best you can do for now.
my thoughts are with you
Georgie
Martha H
09-16-2006, 07:40 AM
Too bad the calls never actually reach the doctor's ears! He ought to be receiving the consequences of his thoughtless words. I wish the doctor would take your Dad home to live with HIM!
What do they do with a violent patient? I think the word is 'chemical restraints' which means tranquilizing him so he does not act aggressively. If it becomes too hard for the staff to handle he could be sent to a psychiatric hospital, but there he would soon be put on the right medicines to keep him under control and returned to the nursing home.
To think that all this was set in motion by a thoughtless comment on the part of that doctor! He must not have thought your Dad could remember his words longer than a day and was just 'humoring him".
I sure hope this all calms down finally. I would shut off my phone after a certain time in the evening.
Love,
Martha
What do they do with a violent patient? I think the word is 'chemical restraints' which means tranquilizing him so he does not act aggressively. If it becomes too hard for the staff to handle he could be sent to a psychiatric hospital, but there he would soon be put on the right medicines to keep him under control and returned to the nursing home.
To think that all this was set in motion by a thoughtless comment on the part of that doctor! He must not have thought your Dad could remember his words longer than a day and was just 'humoring him".
I sure hope this all calms down finally. I would shut off my phone after a certain time in the evening.
Love,
Martha
Sandyspen
09-16-2006, 10:34 AM
Hi Anna,
Oh, I know how you feel. It is disheartening to have these phone calls constantly. My mom does the same to me. It almost seems like mom takes it in spells. She won't call for a week or two, then call every single day for weeks.
Are you certain that the doc actually told your dad that. Mom tells me all kinds of things when she calls: "the doctor has released her, and she needs someone to pick her up, the staff has asked her to leave, she no longer needs medication and can go home now, etc." Of course, none of it is true.
And, Mom too gets aggressive when they try to take the phone away, cursing and threatening to hit them. In fact, she had hit me before being moved to a group home.
They have given mom larger doses of her meds, but we still see pretty much the same behavior. I've thought, perhaps, it's just one phase of this horrible disease.
Oh, I know how you feel. It is disheartening to have these phone calls constantly. My mom does the same to me. It almost seems like mom takes it in spells. She won't call for a week or two, then call every single day for weeks.
Are you certain that the doc actually told your dad that. Mom tells me all kinds of things when she calls: "the doctor has released her, and she needs someone to pick her up, the staff has asked her to leave, she no longer needs medication and can go home now, etc." Of course, none of it is true.
And, Mom too gets aggressive when they try to take the phone away, cursing and threatening to hit them. In fact, she had hit me before being moved to a group home.
They have given mom larger doses of her meds, but we still see pretty much the same behavior. I've thought, perhaps, it's just one phase of this horrible disease.
angel_bear
09-16-2006, 04:24 PM
There can be a phase in this disease that makes them DETERMINED to do EXACTLY what they want ....
Here in lies the trouble .. they have Dementia, but they're not stupid !!! They KNOW something has gone wrong ... but they TRULY TRULY believe it's not them ... they feel victimised, threatened and out of control and will go out of their way to manipulate the situation to their advantage and get their own way.
In some people, the phase may last a few months .. in others, a few years and no amount of medication will make all that much difference. A good set of staff who are trained in diversional tactics help a lot too, because medicating our loved ones put's them into a new category .. Falls Risks .. they can be 'drugged' so heavily to be compliant, but at the same time, they are so dopey, they could fall over a wisp of air.
Surely to heavens your Dad has some staff around who can divert him from his missions? There should be absolutely NO access to a telephone at all, or at least a placebo one to be used as a therapy. Has anybody tried aromatherapy as a calming measure? Nursing is 24 hours .. what does he do when awake? Are there enough activities during the day and optional ones at night? Dementia victims don't always sleep at night, and there should still be some quiet activities available.
Getting off my high horse here .. LOL . sorry for barging in .. but these nursing homes and living facilities REALLY need to get their act together and start doing the work you are paying so much for !!!
Here in lies the trouble .. they have Dementia, but they're not stupid !!! They KNOW something has gone wrong ... but they TRULY TRULY believe it's not them ... they feel victimised, threatened and out of control and will go out of their way to manipulate the situation to their advantage and get their own way.
In some people, the phase may last a few months .. in others, a few years and no amount of medication will make all that much difference. A good set of staff who are trained in diversional tactics help a lot too, because medicating our loved ones put's them into a new category .. Falls Risks .. they can be 'drugged' so heavily to be compliant, but at the same time, they are so dopey, they could fall over a wisp of air.
Surely to heavens your Dad has some staff around who can divert him from his missions? There should be absolutely NO access to a telephone at all, or at least a placebo one to be used as a therapy. Has anybody tried aromatherapy as a calming measure? Nursing is 24 hours .. what does he do when awake? Are there enough activities during the day and optional ones at night? Dementia victims don't always sleep at night, and there should still be some quiet activities available.
Getting off my high horse here .. LOL . sorry for barging in .. but these nursing homes and living facilities REALLY need to get their act together and start doing the work you are paying so much for !!!
Martha H
09-16-2006, 04:52 PM
You are so right Sally. Considering the incredible expense here in America, they ought to be under supervision 24 hours a day. I think I mentioned before that Mom has a one way phone, incoming calls only. She can't get to the nurses station and can not get them to make a call no matter what she wants. They put her off with the famous, "yes, of course, later!" answer, which all AD caregivers need to learn by heart and use for almost anything.
I don't think there ought to be a phone in the lounge ... unless it is a coin operated phone for people lucid enough to use one. Angry and aggressive patients should not have any cash on them, they do not need it.
Anyway, mostly everyone has a cell phone these days, from school kids to people my age who have trouble seeing the little tiny numbers .. I am one of the few 'cell less' seniors!
One good thing to remember - this phase will pass. This case seems to be taking longer than usual, but the end of it is probably near and he will once again be 'nice."
Love,
Martha
I don't think there ought to be a phone in the lounge ... unless it is a coin operated phone for people lucid enough to use one. Angry and aggressive patients should not have any cash on them, they do not need it.
Anyway, mostly everyone has a cell phone these days, from school kids to people my age who have trouble seeing the little tiny numbers .. I am one of the few 'cell less' seniors!
One good thing to remember - this phase will pass. This case seems to be taking longer than usual, but the end of it is probably near and he will once again be 'nice."
Love,
Martha
Choquis
09-17-2006, 11:45 AM
This might be a total pain, but have you thought about changing your phone number (and making it unlisted)? Dad seems pretty in touch when he can call the doctor's office, so he must have it memorized. Then give the new number only to those who have to have it. Let him call all the time to the doctor's office.....after all the doctor started it!!:p (Probably)
AD patients (and others) will say anything...and want you to believe it as fact. (Say it often enough and it is true, right?)
Anyway, just a thought about the phone problem.
:wave:
Choquis
AD patients (and others) will say anything...and want you to believe it as fact. (Say it often enough and it is true, right?)
Anyway, just a thought about the phone problem.
:wave:
Choquis
Sandyspen
09-17-2006, 05:29 PM
Yep, you are right, Sally.
I remember before Mom was diagnosed, she lived in her own home and called me everyday saying, "If you don't do something, I'm going to kill myself." At that time, I didn't know what the heck she meant. "Do what Mom?" I'd say.
Then she'd say, "I don't know, but you better do something!"
Now that she's in a home, I get the exact same calls. As Sally says, she knows something is wrong, but even she isn't sure what. And it was wrong when she was in her own home and when she lived with me.
We did take my brother's phone numbers away. They have to work. I work at home, so it's no biggie that she calls me. And, as Sally said, if the caregivers at the home see her, they are very good at diversion tactics.
I remember before Mom was diagnosed, she lived in her own home and called me everyday saying, "If you don't do something, I'm going to kill myself." At that time, I didn't know what the heck she meant. "Do what Mom?" I'd say.
Then she'd say, "I don't know, but you better do something!"
Now that she's in a home, I get the exact same calls. As Sally says, she knows something is wrong, but even she isn't sure what. And it was wrong when she was in her own home and when she lived with me.
We did take my brother's phone numbers away. They have to work. I work at home, so it's no biggie that she calls me. And, as Sally said, if the caregivers at the home see her, they are very good at diversion tactics.
Redbulls133
09-20-2006, 03:02 PM
We had my father put on Seroquil to help control his temper. Have you tried that avenue yet?
jisuba
10-05-2006, 10:37 AM
Hi Anna
Try to mentally hand the 'trying to escape' problem over to his caregivers ... hard I know but that is what they are there for - do deal with your Dad.
I used to switch my phone off after 8 pm - so long as anybody who really needs you can reach you by cell phone.
Another thing I did now and again was tell the home, my sister and anybody important that I was 'taking a day off' and switched the phone off for a whole day ... bliss!!! It kept me sane when the phone was ringing all through the day and the night.
Thinking of you Anna
Sue
Try to mentally hand the 'trying to escape' problem over to his caregivers ... hard I know but that is what they are there for - do deal with your Dad.
I used to switch my phone off after 8 pm - so long as anybody who really needs you can reach you by cell phone.
Another thing I did now and again was tell the home, my sister and anybody important that I was 'taking a day off' and switched the phone off for a whole day ... bliss!!! It kept me sane when the phone was ringing all through the day and the night.
Thinking of you Anna
Sue