Hey,

I don't know if i'm writing this in the right place or not but i will give it a go. I have a one and half year old brother called Charlie. He has me who is 19 and his other sister that's 17. We have a big family and were all very close. There is 2 young kids in the family aged 2 and 7.

The problem i need some advice on is he keeps smacking people. My uncle was playing a game with him about a month ago maybe 2. It was smacking hands on the table and was a bit of fun, he was laughing and they were all having fun. The trouble is my brother hasn't stoped doing it. When someone picks him up or laying down he comes up to you and smacks you for no reason. We have told him off and for him to stop it. He does listen for about 5 minutes then starts again. It's like it goes in one ear nad out of the other. He has been biting too ober the last few months but luckily he is stopping that now.

How can i stop him biting less and smacking? We have done everything we can think off. Everyone tells him off now. Any advice will be appreciated. X

He does listen for about 5 minutes then starts again. It's like it goes in one ear nad out of the other.

Everyone tells him off now.

It is going in one ear and out the other. Your brother does not have any impulse control, and probably won't until around 3. Babies this age cannot control themselves, they can't comprehend the consequences of their actions before they do it. Or even after they do it for that matter.

Unfortunately your uncle taught him an undesirable action. He thought it was funny, but you can't punish him for it now by "telling him off". You can't play a hitting game with a 19 month old, who doesn't know that hitting any other time is not appropriate, and then punish them for it. That's just not fair. It sends too many mixed signals.

But, now that he DOES think it's Ok, you need to help him stop it. I would simply ignore the hitting. By telling him off, or laughing, or running... he could perceive these all as games. He as learned that an action creates a re-action. That's about as far as his thought process goes. If you break the cycle by not giving him a reaction, the novelty of it will wear off, and he'll find something else that is funny.

I would also try to divert his attention when you think he might hit. "Look Charlie, look at what your younger brother is doing, isn't he funny?" Or try teaching him a game so that he can only "hit" when you are playing. Like Patty Cake. "Charlie, instead of hitting me, let's play Patty Cake... patty cake, patty cake, etc etc".

At 19 months old your efforts will be wasted in "telling him off", or constantly saying no. At that age "no" lasts for about a minute, and that's it. He just isn't capable of storing the action as ALWAYS being wrong, so even though you told him no one minute, he won't know it's wrong the next. Remember, he has no impulse control.

Your best bet would be to distract and divert, and use the action to teach him something safe, like the Patty Cake game. And if you ignore him when he slaps you, he'll get bored with it.

And if you simply MUST say something, just nicely explain that it hurts. "Charlie it hurts when you hit your big sister". Or, you could simply let out a big "OWIE", and pretend it to really hurt.

Hey,

Thanks for replying to my post. I get what you mean though about telling him off.l I hate telling him off but i have too to make him learn even though i hate it. He's going to play school in 2 weeks so maybe he will learn to be a bit nicer then, you never know.

I had my cousins baby around today, she's 2 or 3, i can't remeber. He was the same towards her as he is with us except Ella (cousins baby) hits him back and hurts him. She does learn and she has always been like this.

I have done that OWWIE thing. It works a bit because he comes up and cuddles you and give you a kiss but then he starts doing it a few hours later. I have told him it hurt and even pretend to cry but doesn't work.

He is getting better though. I told him off a few times today and i think its getting through to him but im not really sure.

Will he get better with play school? There was somethig i was going to ask but now i forgotten so when i remeber i will post it. I hate telling him off :eek:

I hate telling him off but i have too to make him learn even though i hate it.

:( The only thing he is going to "learn" is that anger and yelling are the only ways to solve a problem. Children are SPONGES. If you don't want him "telling off" kids at the play ground when he's 5, then don't do it now. He doesn't UNDERSTAND. You have to set an example for how you want him to deal with these situations when he's older. If you want a 5 year old brother who will communicate his problems instead of getting angry and yelling, then you have to example that behavior yourself.

If this were an adult who didn't speak the same language as you, would "tell them off" if they didn't understand you? Probably not. It may seem repetitive, and at times frustrating, but you would probably continue to show the person what you mean through actions and examples. Not by "telling them off". Think of your 19 month old brother as a person who does not speak your language, that might help you put it in perspective the next time you want to yell at him.

I had my cousins baby around today, she's 2 or 3, i can't remember. He was the same towards her as he is with us except Ella (cousins baby) hits him back and hurts him.

In my opinion, this is not appropriate either. Using violence to stop violence is never the answer. The 3 year old MIGHT have impulse control, so explaining to her that when Charlie hits she has to come to you would be better then letting a 3 year old and a 19 month old duke it out.

I have done that OWWIE thing. It works a bit because he comes up and cuddles you and give you a kiss but then he starts doing it a few hours later.

He has no impulse control. He does it again because he CANNOT process why it's wrong. Show him something else. When he wants to hit you, teach him the patty cake game and the song that goes along with it.

I told him off a few times today and i think its getting through to him but im not really sure.

Let's go back to my non-English speaking analogy. If you yelled at the person who does not speak your language enough, they might just stop doing the undesirable action. But they did not learn anything from it, they are simply afraid of being yelled at. Children are curious by nature, and they want to explore the environment around them. If you continue to yell at your 19 month old brother he may become too fearful to be curious of his environment, and may all together stop exploring it. That can cause developmental delays in talking, communication, co-ordination, and many other skills.

I hate to sound harsh, but there is no other way to say this. Yelling, or as you put it, "telling off" a 19 month is just wrong.

I agree with North...
you must remain consistant when trying to teach your brother a new behavior. Doing something only once won't teach him, you have to do it over and over and over and over. Just like learning your abc's or learning to tie your shoes. You didn't learn in one try, it took many, many trys. It is much easier to learn a behavior than unlearn it so give it some time and stay consistant.
:)

If he hits you while you are holding him, you simply put him down and walk away. That will send the message that he won't get your attention when he hits.