I was at my OB-GYN's office this morning for a yearly check-up. A lady came into the waiting room with her baby and we started a nice conversation. She had a 7 month old, I have a 5 month old. We started talking about sleeping. I joked that by about 12 or 1am, she always ends up in my bed, snuggling with me and sleeping. Another lady sitting nearby, said...and let me quote, "you will kill your baby doing that, when you roll over and smother her." She said I was asking for my child to die!!

I stayed calm (somehow) and let her know I did not believe that, i was a light sleeper and quoted some statistics. This made her very mad and she quoted her own statistics and said she was a nurse of 27 years who specialized in infant CPR. Luckily, I was called back and that was it.

I even mentioned the encounter to my Dr. who said that was nonsense and I should do whatever is working for me. She even joked that her 25 year old would probably crawl into bed with her, if it weren't for the size!

Later, I started to feel guilty about what I'm doing. Am I risking her life? Am I setting her up to HAVE to sleep in our bed for years to come? I guess my hormones and stress got to me and I got really upset. I know the woman was trying to help, but her demeanor was rude & thoughtless.

I am so sick of people telling me what to do, being preached at etc...

Any thoughts??

You have to do what is best for you and your baby. You can't worry about what other people say because EVERYONE has an opinion. I am sure you are very aware of the cautions you need to take when having your baby in bed with you. Perhaps the lady in the waiting room was correct to some poiont - but it still doesn't give her the right to be so rude!



I am sick of people telling me what to do and being preached at as well - heck, we even get it on these boards from time to time. I guess it teaches us patience with adults - as well as children, huh?

wow shanz what a horrid way for her to put her opinion across. personally i worry about everything so did not have ds sleep with me i probably would roll on to him knowing my luck or he would be sleeping with me still in high school and i definately don't want that.

you weigh up the risks for yourself and make your own decisions for what is best for you and your child. being a mommy is a worrying time noone can tell you what you must do you decide for yourself and remember lots of people are very passionate about their views and sometimes crush other mommys and create self doubt in their minds i am sure you are a great mommy if you want to co -sleep it is up to you, if you don't see it as a risk then fine but remember others will also see it otherwise. take care:)

Well your baby is old enough that if you did roll over on it it would carry on most likely until you got up! I do worry about that some when DS sleeps at MILS, and this sounds awful, but they sleep on a water bed and MIL is very overweight, and I am not sure she could feel him.
Anyway, SIL did actually sleep with MIL until she 28, yeah I know odd. But anyway, most children will not WANT to sleep with you after they get older. Maybe if they have a bad dream or what not, but not as a general rule. And once a kid gets three or so, you can explain to them that they HAVE to sleep in their bed.
Don't worry about it, she was just being mean!

Well, I'll say up front that I'm not a believer in co-sleeping. I personally believe the most a child should sleep in their parent's bed is when/if they get scared from a storm, bad dream, etc....but not an everyday thing.

With that said, I do feel that woman was out of line. There's always a way for 2 people with opposing opinions to have a diplomatic and respectful conversation without accusations, name-calling, and general insults.

I would be hacked off if I were you too. I think it's just one of those things that we have to learn to walk away from, brush off, and know you are the mom and raising your child the best way you see fit. Curse her under your breath and walk away with your head held high.

You doing great. Don't second-guess youself.
Gayle

that woman is crazy. if everyone who co-slept killed their babies, well there would be a lot less babies in the world and nobody would co-sleep. my little has slept with me from day 1, before we even left the hospital!!! i actually think its SAFER to co-sleep. when you co-sleep, your baby won't sleep as deeply reducing the chances of SIDS. don't listen to crazies like her. she's lucky it wasn't me that she started spouting off that crap to because i really would have let her have it!

OMG! The nerve of some people! :mad: I coslept exclusively with my DD for about 1 and 1/2 months. She is now 3 months old and sleeps in her crib in my bedroom until she wakes at approx. 4:00 am to be fed, then I put her in bed with me to cuddle and there she stays until it's time to wake up for the day. Mothers have a built in device even in sleep that says "the baby is in the bed, be careful". I firmly believe that. The only time you shouldn't cosleep is when you or your DH are under the influence of drugs or alcohol obviously.
Don't worry about what others say. You are doing what is best for your situation. :)

She is now 3 months old and sleeps in her crib in my bedroom until she wakes at approx. 4:00 am to be fed, then I put her in bed with me to cuddle and there she stays until it's time to wake up for the day.
HA! Boy, talk about run-on sentences! My DH (a grammar teacher) would have a field day with that one. :p

I co-slept with my first but not with my second or third. My son was about 4 when he would finnnaaalllyyy stay in his bed all night. There's a big difference sleeping with a baby and 2 adults then a child and 2 adults:) . I really don't see anything wrong either way. There are pros and cons to everything. There is however a thing called tact. It's like on these boards, you don't come off in attack mode or nobody's going to hear what you say, you'll just automatically get defensive. She was out of line and I'm sure she regretted it later, or at least she should have.
Take care and do what you are comfortable with. That's what being a mom is all about.

Thanks for all the feedback. I feel much better about things today. Of course I thought of SO many clever comebacks during the night and what I should have said!!! (I always do that) I actually appreciate people who have passionate views or opinions about things. And, I love to debate topics and learn about the "other side." But, what bothered me was she interrupted a private conversation and intruded on our space.

PS, It was the first really cool night last night and we were so warm and cozy, snuggling this morning. She gives me the cutest look when she first wakes up in the morning. I would miss that if she was away in her crib. Also, we have a 1st floor master bedroom, so her crib seem MILES away!! We use the Arms reach Co-sleeper in our bedroom.

Jbaby, you said what I was thinking. I also have a girlfriend who would have told her where to go. This lady was such a B-you know what. She wouldn't even listen and kept interrupting anything I said. Ugh!

my little has slept with me from day 1, before we even left the hospital!!! i actually think its SAFER to co-sleep. when you co-sleep, your baby won't sleep as deeply reducing the chances of SIDS.

I totally agree!!

she's lucky it wasn't me that she started spouting off that crap to because i really would have let her have it!

Me too!!

After waking up stiff the other morning from Ava grinding her toe nails into my back all night, I was grumbling about co-sleeping. Totally normal. Anyway, I was talking to a friend about it, and she really put it in perspective for me. She told me about her grand parents who are retired in Florida. Her grandpa has his entire garage all categorized in neat little boxes. All his tools and gadgets are all labeled, alphabetized, and neatly stacked all in order. Her grandma did the same thing in the kitchen. Clearly they have way too much time on their hands. But the thing is, is that one day we'll be in their shoes. It's hard to think now, but yes, we WILL have time to spare. LOL

I stopped grumbling and picked my daughter up. Even if she does sleep with me for 4 years, when I'm old and gray and am reorganizing my garage for the umpteenth time, I'll be thankful I didn't rush her, and that I cherished the time when she WANTED to be with me (instead of shipping me off to Florida..lol). SO TRUE!!

Shanz, others have said my thoughts about safety already, so you should really just ignore that batty lady. I've had a few people say unwanted things, and even after reasoning with them they continue. I simply say "I feel confident with my decision to do [insert parenting choice here], so this conversation is done. Thank you for your opinion, I'll think about it."

Usually that's enough to shut people up. In the beginning I used to just keep my mouth shut, smile and nod. Not anymore. I'm sick of people thinking I'm a moron because I'm a first time parent with JUST a 6 month old. Every old woman and their dog thinks they need to school me in wise parenting. It drives me nuts. Now I stand up for myself, and when some people just won't quit I nicely tell them they're wasting their time.

I love co-sleeping!!! :D

Co-sleeping was never an option in our home. DS I think would be fine with me, I'm a light sleeper who wakes up at everything, but his dad sleeps like a rock. He's actually rolled on top of me numerous times and I've had to fight him off. Not to mention when he dreams of hockey and I get kicked and punched like crazy, (no joke!) I was actually encouraged by the nurses to sleep with DS in my bed at the hospital and a friend of mine told me she read a study saying that babies tend to syncronize their breathing with yours thus lowering the risk of them not breathing. If you are comfy doing it in your home, I say that's great.

As far as people giving unwanted opinions, I still just ignore them and do what I want anyway. He's my baby and I'll do what I think is best. My cousin and my aunt just gave me a huge lecture last week on how I have to buy DS these special walking shoes with supports so his feet won't get messed up. Ummm... aren't feet naturally made for walking? Why would I put a man-made set of shoes on feet that were designed for it? Especially when everything I've read says the exact opposite. Sometimes a fight is just not worth it. I just said "oh yeah" and never intend to do it. I don't need to argue. Too much stress in life already.

:mad: Man that makes me mad! I know you wish you had told her off, but you just showed her you are better than her!:D Though I think I probably would have showed myself. That subject is very near and dear to my heart and it really pisses me off when people think they have the right to say where my children should and shouldn't sleep. My FIVE year old AND my 10 month old BOTH sleep with me and I love it!! They love sleeping with me and I love sleeping with them. Anyone who thinks I am damaging or harming my kids can bite me because it's really none of their business. My MIL tried to chime in one time about it. I simply told her that time goes by so quickly and I am going to cherish every night that my children are sleeping safely beside me. When my children are older, after they are on their own, or God forbid something should happen to them, do you really think I will look back and say, :"OMG I wish I had never coslept". NOOO! I am going to say, "I am so thankful that I had so many precious and tender moments with my warm children snuggling beside me and waking up beaming at me". To each their own. I don't go around shooting off at the mouth at people who don't cosleep and I expect the same amount of respect for my parenting style. That women sounds horrid and if she truly is a nurse, her bedside manner must SUCK! To all the mommies who cosleep, enjoy it! It goes by too fast and you are NOT going to kill your babies. To all the mommies who don't cosleep, kudos to you too. There is no right and wrong way, it is just what works for you and your family. I got nuttin" but love for all of ya! :wave:

I agree that the woman was out of line for upsetting you. She may however be passionate about the issue because in her experience she has seen the tragic side of co-sleeping which you can not ignore. I personally do not believe in co-sleeping but in no way would want to tell another parent how to do something. When it comes down to it, the studies do seem to point in both directions in safety of co-sleeping versus crib sleeping, so safety isn't really the valid point (lots of babies are smothered from co-sleeping, other babies die of SIDS alone in their cribs). My question to co-sleepers is pure curiousity: How on earth do you maintain your eh hem... relationship with your husband when your children are in your bed? I love my son so very much, but my only alone time with my husband is in bed after my little boy goes to sleep (and of course when we go out on "dates" but I mean regularly). Just curious!

My question to co-sleepers is pure curiousity: How on earth do you maintain your eh hem... relationship with your husband when your children are in your bed?

LOL! Let's just say that the bed isn't the only place that sees any action. ;)

I agree that the woman was out of line for upsetting you. She may however be passionate about the issue because in her experience she has seen the tragic side of co-sleeping which you can not ignore. I personally do not believe in co-sleeping but in no way would want to tell another parent how to do something. When it comes down to it, the studies do seem to point in both directions in safety of co-sleeping versus crib sleeping, so safety isn't really the valid point (lots of babies are smothered from co-sleeping, other babies die of SIDS alone in their cribs). My question to co-sleepers is pure curiousity: How on earth do you maintain your eh hem... relationship with your husband when your children are in your bed? I love my son so very much, but my only alone time with my husband is in bed after my little boy goes to sleep (and of course when we go out on "dates" but I mean regularly). Just curious!

Annie, you're right...I'm sure her "heart" was in the right place. We all have certain biases because of our experiences and she may have seen some really awful things. As far as our "alone" time...she really only co-sleeps later in the night. We always start her in the co-sleeper, which she seems to like for the 1st half of the night. That way, we can wheel her into the hallway, living room or anywhere we're NOT!!!:D It works so well for us because we all get 4-6 hours of deep, uninterrupted sleep. (8:30pm to 2-3am) Then, it's just easier to bring her into the bed. (Her paci falls out and she cries, she needs a quick/half-asleep diaper change, quick nibble etc...) Then, she seems to sleep longer and better in the bed a we wake up together with the sunrise:)

How on earth do you maintain your eh hem... relationship with your husband when your children are in your bed?

we "maintain our relationship" on the guest bed, the couch, or the floor.

my DD is 6 mos old and ends up in bed with me every night around 3 am Im a light sleeper to.

I think if it was wrong the nurses at the hospital I delivered at would have said something to me about it. After being labor for over 24 hours and pushing for 3 I ended up have an emergency c-section at 12:38 am and at 3am they were bring her back in the room for me to care for her. I still hadnt been given the ok to move and the nurse gave her to me gave me a bottle, wipes diapers and put them all on bed so I could reach and told me have a nice night. We fell asleep together and I had to care for her by myself the 1st night. The baby's dr actually woke us up the next morning coming in and talk to me about her heart murmur. And she didnt tell me anything either. Hey I say if your husband isnt like mine where I have to place a pillow over my head so i wont get hurt by him flipping and flopping that ya'll should be able to co sleep. When he would go to work and she would wake up I would put her in the bed w/ me and we would sleep. Like PP said I think it does help control their breathing. I noticed when she slept with me her breathing was more tamed. Kaitlyn is now 10 months old walking, feeding herself and putting herself to bed. You will miss all those things that you had to do for them so eat them up while you can. Kaitlyn now cant go to sleep in my bed she has to be in her bed by herself. to each his own thats all I can say. We as parents know what is best for our child and noone knows your baby better then you. If its working why trying fixing it. good luck