hi, i'm new here. I was once anorexic and lost 29 pounds, but now i'm 27 pounds heavier. I'm now sorta anorexic bulimic. I'm also severely depressed and was currently on prozac, and i used to self-mutilate. I've also attempted suicide before, but now i'm a not better. Anyway, I've gained a little too much than i wanted. I'm currently in therapy, but i've realized that it's somewhat unrealistic to expect myself to COMPLETELY recover. I know that i can be a lot better, but i don't think i'll ever get to a point where i wont care about my weight. Right now, I feel digusting. I really want to lose about 10 pounds, but it now seems impossible. I don't want to lose it in an unhealthy way, but it seems like my metabolisms so slow now. Is there anyway i can make my metabolism faster? I've been dieting for two weeks on a 1500 thousand (more or less) calorie diet and exercising a lot, but it seems like i've lost maybe a pound at most. This is really depressing me. I've also been on prozac to help me with my bulimia, but i think i gained a lot of weight from it. I now refuse to take it because of that. I think that if i can just lose a little bit of weight, it'll make me a lot happier. I don't want to be anorexic...just lose a little. I'm becoming really depressed again because I feel like i can never ever ever lose weight anymore, and that i've lose all control over my eating. Please help me. Thanks.

Jenuine

hey JENuine...try to feel more positive about your body, even though you have put on weight, i am SURE that you look much better than before when you were anorexic and severely UNDERweight! Eat healthy normal meals (you seem to have been doing great!) and get regular amounts of exercise, and dont focus on the scale! focus on feeling great about yourself! take a bubble bath or do something relaxing. Do you take any diet pills or have you before? this could have altered your metabolism. but dont worry with a healthy diet and regular exercise, your metabolism will shoot up! keep smiling!
emilia

Hi I've been in your situation before and now i'm back to being anorexic. So, i'm going to tell you how not to do things. First off you have to keep going to therapy. They'll teach you new ways to cope and deal with your problems instead of not eating. You've reached that point in recovering where you're getting over learning the new habits of eating and you've dealt with that, but now you have to deal with what happens when something stresses you out. Anyone can recover for a short period. It takes hard work to remain at a normal weight. You're right and wrong in that you'll never recover completely the tendency and want will always be at the back of your mind but you can either give in to it or rise above it and not let it rule you're life. It's all about control. Your metabolism is slower from all that not eating. It will become normal with time. Another thing that helps is not weighing yourself everyday. I'll pray for you.
Lily

Thanks you all for replying. I really appreciate the support from you guys. I'm a little worried now. I feel that it's so hopeless to lose weight that i've started taking diet pills again. I had stopped for a little while, but now i guess i'm mentally becoming dependant again. I also exercise a lot. Yesterday, i burned over 1600 calories at the gym and at dance. I've never done that from just pure workouts. Am i relapsing? I don't want to...I just want to lose weight to prove to myself that it's possible if i wanted to, and I'm now at a higher weight because i choose to be healthy, not because i've lost control of my eating. I dunno..do i make any sense? Gosh...I hate being so depressed and anxious. You guys all take care of yourselves. Thanks for the support.
With love, Jenuine

Jenuine,
your welcome. It's not hopeless to lose weight it's just not healthy and it's not a good idea. Diet pills put me in the hospital. I'm not joking you those things can be bad for you.You sound to me like you're starting to relapse. You need to talk to your therapist. You know it's possible for you to lose weight, why do you need to prove it? I think you should tell your therapist all you told us. It's really really hard to recover and I wish you sooooo much luck. I'm hear anytime you want to talk.
Lily

I guess I feel like I can no longer lose weight...I know i did before, but now i'm scared I won't be able to do any of this again. I dunno...i guess my biggest fear right now is that I''ll never be able to lose weight again, only gain weight, and become fat! I dunno if anyone else went through this to, but when i started eating more and trying to gain weight, i felt really out of control, especially with food. I found myself eating and feeling like I couldn't stop. I guess that was kinda good because it made me gain weight, but now its making me gain too much weight. I sorta became bulimic after I was anorexic, binging and purging with ipecac or starvation, but now i'm over that. I dunno, is this a phase that anorexics go through...the whole binging period? I don't want to become a compulsive eater...I'd rather die!

Jenuine,
Yeah I did go through that too. Then I started to loss weight again and now i'm back where I started from. You really have to be careful with dieting especially if you haven't fully recovered yet. I found I felt out of control when I was starting to recover and I gained 6 pounds. To use pigging out is not the same as it is to most people so maybe you just feel like you're pigging out when actually you're eating like a normal person would. I had some bulimic tendancies for a while too. I don't know that it's a phase we go through but I know a bunch of other anorexics that have done this too.
Lily

I understand your frustration.....I have been eating 500 calories and exercising and have weighed the same for the last 3 days. It is "that time of the month" for me so I am hoping that maybe that is why I haven't been able to lose but I am not sure..it could also be that I have completely killed my metabolism. If you don't want to go back to your old ways and you are not considered medically underweight and you want to lose some weight in a healthy manner then maybe you can try meeting with a nutrionist or dietician? they may be able to give you some healthy safe pointers.

Also....remember to drink LOTS of water the more water you drink the less you will retain..

Good Luck to you

Rachel