i've never posted *anything* anywhere before and this is the first time i've actually admitted to having a problem with eating...

i eat *tons* of food, and i hide it. i don't purge, just binge and it's starting to affect my personal relationships. a few months ago, i was on a weight management program (i'm in the air force and we have to comply with standards), and as soon as i completed the program (meaning i lost the weight/body fat that was required), i started eating every chance i got. now i'm twenty pounds overweight and 7% over the bodyfat standard. i know i have a problem, and every time i eat, i wish i could "un" eat, but that will never happen. i need to know what's going on. any time my husband leaves the house, and i'm alone, i scarf down a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter and as many cookies or pretzels as i can before he gets back. now i'm away from home at school and i'm alone, so when i eat, its mostly alone. just yesterday, i ate five bowls of cereal, a sub, 3/4 of a bag of cookies, 1/2 a bag of chips, five lollipops, and a large handful of chocolate covered pretzels. as soon as i'm done posting this, i'm going to go to the store and get more food... help me.

Hi SunDrop,
First off, welcome to the board! You seem to be in a similar boat as many of us -- unable to control food. Whether you realize it or not, you could be on the verge of helping yourself. You see, you've identified key situations when you lose control. You mentioned that you eat when you are alone -- is there something you can do to distract yourself from eating? Maybe take a walk, read, work on a computer? Try anything to keep your mind occupied.

Have you spoken to a therapist about your eating habits? I've never been involved in a weight management program, but from what I understand they deal a lot with nutrition and not necessarily the reasons why someone overeats, purges, restricts, etc. A therapist may be able to help you more clearly identify why you feel like eating. It's kind of hard to fight something before you know what it is. The worst thing you can do for yourself is get angry at yourself or beat yourself up. Easier said than done, I know. Both are really counter productive, and beating yourself up can just lead you to feel worse which could make you eat more.

Tricky,

Thank you for the advice on distracting myself. I've come up with the idea of wearing a rubber band on my wrist with things written on it to do when I get the urge to eat without hunger. Whenever I feel the need to binge, I'll try snapping it and looking at some of the things I've written for ideas to distract myself. I haven't tried this yet, so I'll have to see how it goes.

I haven't talked to a therapist yet, but I have called the Behavioral Sciences clinic at the base I'm stationed on and they said that I would need to talk to one of their psychologists before going to a private therapist if I want things to be covered by my insurance. Since I'm not at home right now, I told them I'd make an appointment for early July, when I'll be back from school and vacation.

To get a head start on the therapy process, I've started a journal to keep track of the things I eat and when and why I eat them. Hopefully this will be useful.

Thank you again for your quick response and useful suggestions.

Love,
SunDrop

Welcome to the board!! Admitting you have a problem with eating is a REALLY good first step. Congrats on that too.
I don't know how much you know about eating disorders so if I tell you things you already know i'm sorry! I must have heard and said this a thousand times but it's not about the food it's about the other deeper problems in your life. I understand about wishing you could "uneat". I think that everytime I eat!! What in your life is causing you stress and making you unhappy. You may not even realize that it's upsetting you but when you realize what those things are and deal with them things get better. This doesn't happen overnight but you can get better and I hope and pray you do. You can talk to me anytime.
Lily

Sundrop,

Welcome to the board... It's good that you are aware that you have a problem and need help... I think that activity would be helpful...Is the weather getting nicer where you are? It is here and I have started rollerblading and not only is it great exercise it is fun! Anything to keep you out of the house when you are down or alone would probably be helpful...

Another thing to try is to really focus on your stomach signals telling you it is hungry... try forgetting the clock and eat when your stomach growls instead ...and then after you eat a regular sized portion of food or a meal if you think you are still hungry force yourself to stop and wait at least 20 mins... it is amazing and really true that waiting 20-30 mins you might realize that you really aren't hungry anymore. If after that amount of time you really are still hungry then have a little more. Try not to buy junk or keep any binge triggering food in your house and never go to the grocery store hungry!

Good Luck to you
Rachel