Just wanted to post a note to tell everyone I had a really good day today and felt terrific about myself. I went out and ate healthy and regularly and enjoyed a beautiful day with friends. I just wish the day could have stayed that way but I was so happy that when I arrived home this evening I decided to "reward" myself with food and now that I am so full that I am tired I will go to my bed and sleep until I feel better. Why did I do this? Why must I continually sabotage myself like this? I am in complete amazement that I have lasted this long without having a heart attack. I think I have good support and advice for others and yet I can't even control my own body and mind. Sometimes I feel like I am slowly hurting myself on purpose without even knowing it by binging like this. I really want to get better and I really want to feel good inside this skin of mine. Tomorrow is a new day and with all my strength I will forge ahead. I just pray that I make it through without stuffing myself to the brim once again. This disorder is really taking a toll on me and I am exhausted. I hope others on the board had a better outcome today than I did...

Much Thanks for listening!

Peeka Boo

PeekaBoo,

I can totally relate to how you feel. Somedays I will do "really well" with eating, and then by the end of the day I feel good about how I did, but then something will come up, like a friend wanting to go have dessert or something, and I will think to myself, it's ok, just this once, because I did well today, and so I go with them and have ice cream or something and it makes me feel like my whole day was a waste! It's sad too, because it seems that when you're trying to fall asleep, all that matters is what you did just before you went to bed, and not the good things you did all day.

Sorry I don't have any advice to make you feel better, but maybe it will help to know that you're not the only one who feels this way! Good luck, and remember, each day is new, and while we cannot undo the past, we can change the future.

-LilBear

Peekaboo,

Try not to beat yourself up too much over one slip up... Sounds like most of the day was great and that is something to be happy about. Every day you get a new chance and tomm is another day... We may all suffer from different types of ED's but I have a feeling we are all VERY hard on ourselves... most people would probably say "oh well, I shouldn't have eaten that or done that" but we tend to dwell on the negative...I know that I am definetly my own worst critic!

and thanks for responding to my post http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Rachel

Peeka Boo,
I'm glad you at least had that part of the day that was good. I don't know why you did it, or why any of us do it. I don't know you well but I think you're good at supporting others too. It's far easier to give advice than to take it~i'm the same way you are. You're exactly right about slowly hurting yourself. That's a great attitude about forging ahead for tomorrow. I think i've said this a lot lately but i'll say it one more time(sorry)~therapy helps!! Have you tried it?
Lily

Thanks to all of you for responding. I know most of us know that things are easier said than done and I believe most of us know what we need to do to get better we just don't know how to use it, especially when we feel out of control. I am very happy I have joined all of you in this forum and can't wait to share with you the day that I fall asleep at night with a tame stomach and a smile on my face.

Peeka Boo (a.k.a. Greg http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif)

Dear Peekaboo,
We all have days we "slip up" and just binge, I've been there too and know exactly how you feel! After I binge I get so depressed and mad at myself for giving in...I don't binge as much anymore, mostly because I hate myself so much for doing it, I've learned to stop. In some ways I think I may have too much control. Anyway, just remember that today was only one day! You ate healthy and were happy for the earlier part of the day, you should feel proud of that! Don't let this slip get you down, tomorrow maybe just throw in an extra exercise, and eat healthy again, just keep trying, one day you won't binge anymore! What helps me is that I never "forbid" any treats, if I want something, I'll have a serving everyday. That way is more healthy I think. Maybe eating too healthy is what makes you binge? Try it.
Hope you feel better
Emilia

Hi Greg,

I was reading through your post again, and I noticed that you started eating that night to reward yourself. What other kinds of activities do you like to do that you might use as a reward next time? Maybe next time you eat well (woo-hoo!) you can go see a movie, or take a long bath or do something else you enjoy that will make you feel good about yourself.

Good luck!

-LilBear

Greg,
I really really hear you about things being easier said than done. I don't know about knowing what needs to be done. I had a pretty bad day though so i'm not feeling to optimistic maybe that's why I don't see what you mean. I'm glad you've joined the forum too http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif. I can't wait till the day when we all go to sleep at night with calm stomachs and happy minds.
Lily