when I started my diet I was so in control. I knew exactly how many calories I was going to eat, when I was going to eat them, where and with who. Same for exercise. How many I was burning.....how many times a day I would workout.....and cross them off once accomplished. I felt great. I was in control.

I am so NOT in control anymore..... my eating disorder (yes, I guess I really do have one)is the one in control. It is very scary to realize that you have lost control. I have lost control.

Rachel

I hate that feeling. I like to control the empty feeling in my stomach and I hate it when I can't. I hate feeling like my needs (food) are controlling my actions (eating). Does that make any sense?

Do not feel bad about eating pasta for breakfast, that is a healthy choice! Carbs for energy and maybe if you used sauce or cheese, a little fat to sustain the energy. I am not bulimic, but I have binged before. Try to think that it was only one time, and it won't really affect you, since you've been eating so little everyday your body probably needs those extra calories.
Emilia

I am sorry Per. I meant to respond to a different message! but instead posted here...anyway, I know what you are going through about feeling out of control. After being anorexic for a year and sooo in control of my food I lost control and had a binge period. Luckily it didn't last too long for me, but it made me realize i was depriving my body of food and this was a sign it wanted to be fed. So i became healthier, added more fat and calories into my diet. I am still obsessed with calories and planning out my food, but I guess I look healthier. This is just a step in the process of recovery, dont worry
Emilia

Thanks Emilia.... Right now I am torn between wanting to feel better, get better etc. but I still don't want to gain any weight back! (in fact I still have 5 to lose...Arrrghh)

Rachel

I know exactly how you feel. I started 'controlling' my eating because I felt that it was the only thing i WAS in control of. My mum and dad were in the middle of a seperation and I felt so down.
Then it just got out of control.
Try and get the control back. Try eating some thing little like a slice of apple or something that wont scare you, when and where you want to eat it. This is the method i used and it really did help me.
Good luck darlin',
lots of love,
Katie xxx

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Don't dream the dream, be the dream.

Rachel,
It is scary to realize you're not in control but it's also a good thing b/c now you know for sure that you need help and you're facing the ED. I'm sorry you feel out of control though b/c I know how much fun that isn't.
Lily