I have been having the worst week!! My parents came to visit and seeing them, being around them is one of my triggers. I was feeling better mentally and had gained a pound but this week I lost two. So not I weigh 89 pounds and i'm 5"3. I tried to go running today and I couldn't b/c of the dizziness. My gymnastics look really bad b/c all I can think about is how the room is spinning and my coach really went off on how I must be eating too much and how I need more discipline b/c I looked like crap out there today. Him yelling at me is also a trigger of mine and i've been living off water and vitamins for the last day and a half. I don't know how to get myself back on track and I feel really out of control.
Lily

Dear Lily,
I know that gymnastics means a lot to you, but do you even realize what your coach is saying to you? When you say that he accused you of eating too MUCH,...well there is something wrong with that. Sports are supposed to be fun; coaches supportive. Your coach sounds horrible, he seems like he doesnt even care about your health. You are hurting your body by depriving it of food. You need your strength and energy to improve in gymnastics. If it were me, I wouldn't have been able to handle all the pressure and probably would have quit by now...but you haven't and that shows willpower. You just have to direct your willpower in another way, to get over your ED and take control of your life. You don't need to take that from your coach. You deserve to be praised! Try talking to your parents and friends..maybe you will find out why your parents are a trigger for you. Take care,
Emilia

Lily-
you were so understanding writing to me that i want to share a little of my understanding with you.. I was in your same shoes with gymnastics a few years ago. It actually had a huge hand in starting up my ED. I hate to tell you this b/c i know how hard it is to give up somethign that you love and is such a huge part of your life, but it sounds to me like continuing in gymnastics is just fueling your ED. And your coach is not helping one bit unfortunately. maybe you should really sit and think if it is worth it to your health to keep on with gymnastics. For me the decision to quit only came when i was forced. My body would just no longer hold me up and I was forced my my coach and doctor to quit. However, looking back on it now I wish i would have quit sooner. it may have helped cut off a lot of my ED that seems second nature to me today. I'm sorry to be so negative but I really hope hearing my story helps you out. Maybe you won't end up in my shoes one day. feel free to email me if you ever need someone to listen that understands. Good luck!

Emilia and Kendy,
Thankyou for responding. I know what my coach is saying is wrong but it's part of the sport and he's trying to put together his "dream team" so if I don't lose the weight and get better in practice I won't be on it. In a way it's an honor that he yells at me, he doesn't waster his time on girls he doesn't think can hack it. I know mentally that I should eat but when I look in the mirror, and i'm sure you can relate, all I can see is fat. I've done gymnastics since I was three so it sort of defines me and it would be really hard to just stop. Hearing your story did help, I appreciate you telling it to me.
Lily