Hi all. Just wanted to touch base here, as I feel like I'm forever part of this board. I've gotten a lot of support here over the past 8 months. I'm the crazy one whose been obsessing over HIV and not accepting any of my negative test results. I've struggling with this fear for over 2 years now.. My last HIGH risk encounter was over 6 years ago... Since that time, I've had 2 tests, both negative. Recently, the fear crept up again, and since I've been single for about a year now, and completely risk free, I figured I'd test again.. I had 2 more Elisa's done, both negative... Then I ordered the home access, that was negative.. Still fearful.............I went to therapy. Helped alot. I've finally accepted the fact that I do not have HIV. :) Everyone here who's going through the crazy fears and the "what if" thinking, I can totally relate to you, and empathize.
I promised myself, that when I finally get to the other side of this fear, and accept the fact that I'm negative, including all other std's, that I would start donating blood and giving back. So I've donated twice in the past 4 months, and I even got a Red Cross Blood Donors card in my wallet. For some reason it's my most prized possession. It keeps me ever mindful of my struggles the last 2 years over this overwhelming fear, and helps me to forget about MYSELF for a moment and realize that I can reach out and help others. I just wanted to say that my prayers and my heart are with everyone on this board, both those who are positive and those who are fearing their unknown status.
When it comes to knowledge of HIV, I really quite a novice......... I don't know much but the basics, but when it comes to the FEAR and the unrealistic stereotyping/stigma this society has given HIV, I know it quite well.. I would just like to be a member of this board, and help in anyway I can. Thoughts and Prayers...........Shannon.

Dear Shannon: membership on this board (and I certainly am not the moderator) appears to be based upon a desire and willingness to be of service. You letters, as I recall, where compassionate and understanding, and I certainly think that you presence here is a blessing.

Now, I want to share this with you: in Eastern philosphies, it is understood that, at basic level, we are all one in the other. There is a part of me in you and you in me. Crap, there's even a part of me in Donald Rumsfeld and a part of Rumsfeld in me (and I'm not too happy about it, either!). So that, every deed we do is like looking into a mirror. We see ourselves in others as we, with compassionate understanding, view ourselves. THerefore, every act becomes an act of clarity, and the act of seeing ourselves in the person we have come to assist that act of compassion (as you have showed others) is 'polishing the mirror." Hence, the clearer the mirror, the brighter the image in which we can see ourselves. chris