marshmallow
09-28-2006, 09:46 AM
I saw my husband last night we are separated. He came over and said he cannot take being without me. It has been 2 years. Now he said he wants a divorce to make it hurt less since I won't let him move back in due to violent behavior. My question is this. Can a person with bipolar or borderline be in a depressed state for 2 years and not have mania? Or is the irritable and angry behavior part of mania too? I just dont understand how a person can be so down for 2 years and not see he has a problem and want help. I just want to help him and there is not a thing I can do. I feel like I have been threw a meat grinder. Any suggestions or answers?
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kiehn
09-28-2006, 01:26 PM
Hi Marshmellow
You ask some good questions but the answers can vary from one individual to another. My understanding absolutely YES there are different types of bipolar and some can be depressed most of their life with on a few if any manic episodes. Also depression is repressed anger, yet can also be a symptom of hypomania or mania which either can also cause extreme irritiability. To answer your question about why doesnt he want help, it could be a number of reasons or combo of them. 1) Denial is a major symptom of Bipolar 2) For many depression in itself causes despair, hopelessness, negativity, just not caring. fear of failure which if occurs deepens the depression. Emotional support is all you can give. It's ok not to understand it's even ok to tell him that and you'd be happy to listen if he ever want to talk, you could even tell him you trying to learn more online. You'd be surprised how easy it is to feed the negativity simple things like
saying your always negative, your always complaining, showing or doing anything that would expresses negativity, many bipolars are extremely sentive, often picking up on vibes that arent meant for them. etc etc. making him feel bad for this, discounting his depression, or feelings, will only push him away further. It might be hard to comprehend but he may not even understand his own feelings futher frustrating his own problem. I know
Ive been in his shoes. I hope others express their opinion and experiences, you must be a very loving person to have come to this board to seek understanding. I hope this helps a little. take care, K
You ask some good questions but the answers can vary from one individual to another. My understanding absolutely YES there are different types of bipolar and some can be depressed most of their life with on a few if any manic episodes. Also depression is repressed anger, yet can also be a symptom of hypomania or mania which either can also cause extreme irritiability. To answer your question about why doesnt he want help, it could be a number of reasons or combo of them. 1) Denial is a major symptom of Bipolar 2) For many depression in itself causes despair, hopelessness, negativity, just not caring. fear of failure which if occurs deepens the depression. Emotional support is all you can give. It's ok not to understand it's even ok to tell him that and you'd be happy to listen if he ever want to talk, you could even tell him you trying to learn more online. You'd be surprised how easy it is to feed the negativity simple things like
saying your always negative, your always complaining, showing or doing anything that would expresses negativity, many bipolars are extremely sentive, often picking up on vibes that arent meant for them. etc etc. making him feel bad for this, discounting his depression, or feelings, will only push him away further. It might be hard to comprehend but he may not even understand his own feelings futher frustrating his own problem. I know
Ive been in his shoes. I hope others express their opinion and experiences, you must be a very loving person to have come to this board to seek understanding. I hope this helps a little. take care, K
marshmallow
09-28-2006, 01:34 PM
Thank you so much for your reply. I do care deeply for my husband but his rages just got to be more than I could live with. He took things I said wrong and would scream at me for hours punching holes in walls and many other things including spitting on me. I tried to rationalize that it was the illness and not him but it got too bad. I know he loves me and I love him but I feel so helpless. He is super sensitive and will think I am saying things I am not. He refuses treatment saying if I trusted him and would let him lead me he would not rage. I know it is more than that involved. He use to be superman able to accomplish anything but the past 2 years has been a downward spiral for him. It is almost like he is the child and I am the parent. Today has been hard thinking of how much he is hurting and his saying he wants a divorce because he can't stand being away from home. When I mentioned getting help he just got so angry and left. (he came to the house last night) Thank you again. This is all so hard.
kiehn
09-28-2006, 03:00 PM
Hi again
You have just described bipolar to a T, taking things the wrong way, oh how
well I know that. I know it, Im a bipolar veteran yet I still do it. You cant do anymore for them then you already have, he needs to get help but will have to see it for himself. Seperating may do him some good, time to reflect on his actions, which I hate to say will be clouded by the bipolar, sometimes
when were alone we dont have anyone else to blame for our behaviors. Keep coming here and post whenever you need. Take Care, K
You have just described bipolar to a T, taking things the wrong way, oh how
well I know that. I know it, Im a bipolar veteran yet I still do it. You cant do anymore for them then you already have, he needs to get help but will have to see it for himself. Seperating may do him some good, time to reflect on his actions, which I hate to say will be clouded by the bipolar, sometimes
when were alone we dont have anyone else to blame for our behaviors. Keep coming here and post whenever you need. Take Care, K