ok, so I just found this sight a couple of days ago and im obsessed with it. There are finally people who understand!!! Anyway, Im staring to "recover." So they say. I don't think I ever will personally, but I can at least try. THey put me on a 14-16 hundred calorie diet to gain me some weight. I gained 5 pounds. The problem starts there. I have never felt so fat in my entire life!!!! I'm humongous! And I want to stop eating again right now! My therapist says I can't go past a certain weight. So I can lose a few without getting into trouble. But I don't know how to lost it without starving myself. I thought of using laxatives but here's the question. Can you die from overdose of them??? How do I lose weight so I'm nont a hog anymore?!?!?!?!! Advice and empathy accepted and desired http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

rad916, if they put you on a special diet to make you gain weight, then you are obviously not fat. In fact you are probably very very skinny. 5 Pounds is a good start, maybe you should try to put some more on and try to stop worrying about it so much. You will probably start to enjoy life a lot more and be happier.

the prob is that I'm not that skinny. For some reason my dr thinks I should be 112, but I'm only 4"11! So if they keep making me gain that weight, I'll get so fat! I think that if I ever get to 112 I'd die. I can't even imagine being past 100. But they keep making me gain. I'm so scared. Sorry to complain. Just fear of getting fat and maturing!
-Rachel

Hi rad916,
Can you believe it, it's 1:25 a.m. I woke up and my mind started racing and couldn't go back to sleep. I didn't get a chance to check in yesterday, so I thought I'd fire up the computer and see what I missed.

As you can see, I too just found this board and I'm a little obsessed with it myself. My problem is that I don't have a lot of time on the days I work to post. But I have 4 days off a week and I'm going to try to spend some time here. You're right, there are people here that understand.

About the laxitives, It's funny you brought that up because I've just started becoming a little curious about using them too. My problem is that I'm a serious binge eater, but I don't purge. So I just keep packing on the pounds. It's horrible and sometimes I wish I could just make myself throw up to get rid of the calories I'm consuming. So... back to the laxitives, I used some about a week ago because I was so constipated from the poor diet. Needless to say, the next day I was running all day. I have Fri. off, so I'm going to use some more Thurs. night. I suppose I shouldn't be saying this, but if I can't bring myself to throw up, maybe this will work.

I can't answer your question about weather using laxitives will make you die, but I know you can become dependant on them and like the purging, it will pay a toll on your body. Maybe someone will answer your question and help us both.

Welcome to the board and I hope to get to know you better. I'm going to do a new post expressing my own difficulties. I hope you'll read it so that you can get to know my problems as well. Maybe we can help each other or at least just offer our support.

I wish you the best in your recovery journey. Oh, and you ARE in recovery. That doesn't mean that you are all better now that they told you that. It just means that you've began the process and you are at your own place with it. About all we can do is keep puting one foot in front of the other and eventually we'll make some type of progress. Even if all we are able to do at first is make little baby steps.

((HUGS))
Cindy

Hey again rad916,
It looks like we are both on the board right at the same time. You submitted your reply while I was writing mine. Are you still there? I'm from Michigan, are we on the same time?

Cindy

I'm here Mertz, if you're still on I would love to talk http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif thanks for your words of encouragement, it makes me feel like someone cares!

Hey, I'm 4'11 too. However, I did manage to gain weight over the years, even with all my attempts at dieting. I've finally broke 200 and it's devestated my life. The only good part is that I've managed to stay between 200 and 210 for about 2 years now. But it's been such a BATTLE! Binge-diet, binge-diet, binge-diet. There is no grey area for me. Just black and white. That's what my therapist is trying to work with me on right now. Eating in the grey area. Ya, right!! It works for a couple of days and then I go right back into the binging. I think it's because I want to lose this stupid weight and we both know you can't do that while doing a half a-- job of it.

Cindy

Oh Rad916,
I do care. I care because I know what a hell this kind of life is. And just because they are telling you that you are TOO thin, it doesn't take all your problems away. Your feelings, no matter how crazy, or abnormal they may seem, are very real. If you feel fat, you feel fat.

What I'm having a real hard time with right now is getting people to understand and accept the fact that I have a very serious eating disorder. I have all the same symptoms and problems as a bulimic does. But I don't throw up. Sometimes I wish I could just to prove my point.

Cindy

people tell me I'm good at reading other poeple. For some reason I feel like I can relate to you well, even tho we both have opposite ED's. I have so much faith that you can beat it! I know you're strong and you can. Just from the way you write. Did anything new happen to help you get a new psych?
luv ya,
Rachel

Actually, I'm still stuck in the should I, shouldn't I thing. I have both a therapist and a psychiatrist and I see the latter of the two on the 22nd., so I'm just kind of hanging in there to see what he says. Then again, I've got tomorrow and Mon. off, so I might just call this lady therapist who deals with ED's that I saw a few years ago, and see if she can see me. It's also a matter of changing the scheduling of my other weekly appointments around if I do this. Which is another of my problems. I don't adapt to change in my regular routine very well. I'm pretty confident that it would all be workable though if I made the decision and just went through with it. I go back and forth from feeling better to feeling worse. And when I'm feeling worse, that's when I think I should. I'll keep you posted. Maybe tomorrow will be the day???

Well we are having such a good "chat" I hate to run. But I'm supose to be up for work in about 4 hrs. and I don't function well without my sleep. Thank God it's an easy job. Tell you about that later. I'm wondering too, are you high school or college student? Talk to you tomorrow...

Luv ya too!! Night...
Cindy
e-mail me if you wish.
cindy_waldecker@hotmail.com

don't let your inability to deal with change stop you from seeing that woman!!! PLEASE get help! You know you want to and I want you to! I'm telling you, once you find someone who can help, half the problem is solved! please, decide to see that woman! pleeeaase!
Anyway, what is your job? what do you do? And to answer ur question, I'm a senior in high school. Think about how happy you will be once you start getting better and let that oush you toward recovery.
Luv ya,
Rachel

hi, i'm caz, i am a recovering anorexic and when i say recovering i dont just mean psychically i mean emotionally too, Anorexia has been a huge part of my life, but i am battling by, I understand what it feels like to put on the pounds and while everyone else is praiseing you you are starting to hate yourself more. I have been using this board for a year now and i have found that it has been the best help i could have got. I have recently got of hospital firstly because i only weighed 30kgs and secondly because i o.d. In hospital i realised that there is so much more to life then anorexia, its hard to admitt you have a problem and i know that better then most people, but think and take a look at your self-what do you really see? I fat person or a person bursting to be free? i am guessing it would be the latter. I was told in hospital that i couldn't have kids, now look at me..... i am going to be having a baby girl in Febuary- in fact i am naming her after two people who use this site from time to time- Jen a.k.a Running queen and Kathrin a.k.a kit-kat
i have batteled through so much but i have come out stronger, this is what you need to do. love always caz.

p.s e-mail it you want-neversayneveruk@yahoo.com

I just want to thank you caz for what u wrote. I've given up hope to have kids and that frightened me to death. but what you just told me makes me feel a whole lot better. I'm so happy for you! Also, how did you deal with it when you were getting better and losing your identity? what did you do to get over that? and how'd you get used to gaining weight?? thanks so much for what you said b4.
Luv ya,
Rachel

Hey guys, this is in reply to the laxative question. Don't even get started with those, they don't help in weight loss at all. Think about it, how is eating something that makes you go to the bathroom more easily going to help with weight loss? It just makes your body retain less water which doesn't count as real weight loss. Plus, the last thing that any of us needs right now is to get into another habit that will hurt our bodies.