Could someone please give me some good advice? I feel so trapped and no one seems to understand me. Today my mum started shouting at me because I hadn't eaten a proper lunch. She said I was heading for annorexia. If she ever found out that I haven't really eaten breakfast or lunch for about a year now I would be so dead. She was so angry because she thinks I don't eat enough but I'm so scared that if I eat more, I'll get fat. She started threatening me that if I don't start to eat more, she was going to make me go to the doctor which would be the most embarrassing thing in the world because I really don't look very thin. Anyway she also said that she was going to start weighing me every week if I didn't eat more and she and I arn't that close so it would be really embarrassing for me. Besides, she thinks that I am about 10 to 15 pounds more then I really am. I'm so scared that someone is going to find out about this so called 'obsession' of mine. Today my mum watched me to make sure I ate my dinner. I sort of guessed she was going to so I choked down about 6 all-natural diet pills first. They said they would speed up my metabolism and some other stuff and I know it was stupid but I really felt I had to. Then after that, I ran to the bathroom and tried to throw up as much food as I could but it didn't really work. I feel so fat now. A few hours ago, I suddenly felt really light headed and I passed out. I don't know why I did but I know it had nothing to do with my weight; it's not that low. Could it have been the diet pills? I don't really know if it could have been because they are all-natural and people have told me that they don't even work so they could hardly have been harmfull. The other possibility is the heat. I have passed out because of the heat once before, and it was kind of hot, but who knows.
I'm so sorry for going on for so long but what should I do now? I don't think I could handle it if someone found out about all this, and because of one of my friends, one of the teachers who I don't even know is now watching me at school. I hate going there now because I'm scared my friend will say something to her about me, and that she will say something to my parents. Someone PLEASE help. I'm getting so desperate now, I sometimes don't even want to live.

Check your pills to see if they contain ephedra. Some all natural diet pills do and it is VERY dangerous. Taking more than the recommended dose has caused many deaths and it is being considered to be outlawed here in the US.

The reason that your mom yells and threatens you is that she is scared and that is the only way that she can think to possibly make you eat more. My mom would yell, threaten, and cry. She even slapped me once she was so upset.

Your mom doesn't know that the more she tries to control you and your weight the more that you want to lose weight fast. Try telling her how you feel first. Maybe tell her that you want to be closer to her and that you really do need her. Then later on, when you feel comfortable, you can tell her about your food habits.

I really don't know what to tell you. When I was anorexic school was aweful. People would make fun of the little vegetable meals I would eat and come right up to me and ask if I was anorexic (as if I was just going to say 'yeah, will you please help me to gain some weight' or something). The last thing that you need is to get into bulimia. You think it's a one time thing and it slowly makes your life worse and worse.

Just hold out faith that life will get better because it will. I PROMISE you. Don't give in to this, fight it all the way. You will come back here (hopefully http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif ) and tell us how you never knew what real life was until you started recovery. It's true, it's like the world is your oyster.

Work to improve your thinking right now and realize that what you see of the world is not what it really is. You're feelings, although very real, are wrong. You also might have clinical depression. If so, medication might really help, which is another reason to try to work up the courage to tell a parent, so that they can get you real help. Therapy also does wonders even though at first it doesn't seem like it will.

Keep on going. You can make it. You CAN and WILL recover from this and you still have your whole life ahead or you!