As I write this right now tears stream down my face. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything's been prety decent, school's pretty good, I'm involved in 3 different choirs which I LOVE to do more than anything, and yet I have never felt so sad in my entire life. I'm sorry for posting again, especially about nothing, but I feel so confused! I don't know why I should be so unhappy but i can't stop crying and thinking bad things. I've been home for 2 days not feeling well and I've not answered a phone call cuz for some reason I have no interest in talking to any of my friends, not even my boyfriend, all I want to do is be alone or talk to you guys. I'm so miserable. I'm even seeing a therpist but when I went to her today for some reason I didn't tell her. And I'm taking my medicine, but now I feel so sick with sadness. Anyway, I'm sorry I rambled about nothing, I just don't know where else to turn. Thanks for all you who listened.
Rachel

Don't apologize for posting!!! that's what this place is here for, isn't it? Anyway, big hugs <HUGS> to you, plus some good vibes ~~~~~~~~~~~~!!! I understand how you're feeling (I think most of us here do), so know that you are not alone in this. Isolating yourself isn't going to help, even though that's what you feel like doing. Reach out to people, let them in. This board is a good place to start, but you really need to talk to the people who are in you daily life, too. It'll feel so good to have a good cry on someone's shoulder, to just say "I feel bad" and then talk it out. Everyone has a vault inside them, and sometimes it just gets too packed and you can feel it, you know? That tightness in your chest, that overwhelming feeling, the one that brings tears so easily for "no reason" . . . I hope that made sense! I hope you feel better soon, and keep posting to let us know how you're doing, okay?

Fiona

Hi Rachel.
First of all, you are not annoying, you have given so many people here some really great advice, we are hardly going to get annoyed with you for wanting some too!
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling at the moment. About a year ago, I went to visit my best friend oversees, and when I came back, my life was great! But for some reason, deep down, I didn't feel 'great' and I still don't know why. I used to cry myself to sleep with overwhelming sadness, and during the day, I would excuse myself from the room just so I could go and cry in the bathroom and I didn't understand WHY! Sorry, I don't mean to change this post to be about me, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, that this has happened to me too, a quite possibly, to a lot of other people on this board. For me, the sadness slowely went away over time, but it probably isn't a bad idea to talk to somebody about it. I don't really know because I never have but that's what therapists are for right? I'm sure it would be helpfull to talk to someone in person who you know and trust. Good luck and I hope you're feeling better soon.
-Ashlee

Hi Rachel,

I can relate to your sadness and sometimes being alone helps to get to the core of the problem. Tell your therapist next time. Maybe you can gain some insight yourself through this pain. I know it's hard and I really feel for you cause I often feel the same way. Sometimes I just go with the tears and I prefer this to the frustration and emptiness sometimes when you can't cry or feel anything. Hey so you are human and you are alive at least tears can tell us something. How is your ED going? Take care and go with your feelings I know I always try to anyway.
Mel

thanks for all of your responses, it's great to know that some people care. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Things haven't gotten better but they haven't gotten worse either so I guess that's a good sign. I hope you're all doing great and keep smiles on your faces. Cuz at least some of us have to! Thanks again for your caring.
Lots of luv and luck!
Rachel

<<<MAAAJORR HUG>>>!!! I am feeling bad. How selfish to rant and rave about myself...I am sorry.
This maybe totally irrelevant and I dunno if this is a stupid thing to ask but are you not PMT??? When I have it...I just don't wanna speak...I get upset and annoyed very easily and dunno how to put myself!!!!

I am going to be here a little while tonight and will be checkin this tomorrow when I come down. I will type u a longer entry...but I am truly here to listen...u were brilliant with me!!

Looooads of love

CarolineXXXX

Caroline, that was the nicest thing in the world to say. Thanks http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif This may sound kinda dumb, but what does PMT mean? Anyway, don't you dare stop talking about yourself just cuz I'm sad too. And don't feel stupid. I care so much about you, I really want to help, k? PLease don't stop telling me about you. Anyway, thanks again, you're awesome, and I hope things are going well with you.
Lots of luv and luck!
Rachel http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

I know that when I feel overwhelmed or inexplically sad, I either go for a long run outside or a long walk. Being outside does something to me that I can't explain-I also try to look up and out at the horizen. It seems to make me feel better http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif I guess I was trying to tell you in my rambling way that maybe a walk outside, preferably on a beautiful trail in the woods, will help lift your spirits. Hoping you feel better!

That is good that you are taking medicine and going to therapy. What medicine are you taking? You might talk with your psych about changing it or augmenting with another if it's been a couple of months and still isn't working.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. My friends will call and I'll see their # on the caller id and I will just not pick up because it would be so much unpleasent work to talk with them. I don't dislike school, but all I want to do is lie here at home all day like a lump.

Just know that you aren't alone and that things will get better some time in the future.

ps- I think PMT is the English way of saying PMS http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

PMT.....well it's Pre Menstrual Stress....similar to PMS!! :-)
I was just wondering, actually, how u were doing. Have u had better days this week or have you been down still????
It's 23.26pm where I am.....I will be coming here in the morning....

Hope u r ok...sorry this is short!! Trying to hide away.U'll find out why in my entry!!!

Caroline XXXXXXx ;-)

Thanks guys for writing back and caring, it makes me happy. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Well, I wish it was PMS (or PMT), but it''s not. It's just a horrible depression. And unfortunately it has not gotten better. I take paxil-40, but I'm thinking I might need more, like you said Cloudy. But I do get happy thinking about all you guys being here for me to talk to. I really love you all and I hope all of you are doing great.
Lots of luv and luck!
Rachel

If you think that the paxil is not working-which it didnt for me ask if they can switch you to effexor 37.5mg once a day and they will eventually move you up to twice a day.