I was just wondering about eating disorders and cutting. I have been cutting myself for a long time now and sometimes I don't even know why. I used to only do it when I was upset or angry about something but now I do it at other times too. I don't think I even understand it myself anymore. I know of people who do it to try to make themselves feel better and I'll admit, I kind of do it for that reason too, but why do I do it on 'good days'? It's kind of like a wierd obsession to me but I can't help it, I can't seem to stop. Does anybody else do this when they are not upset or is it just me? -Ashlee

Hi Ashlee

I also cut myself, but only when I'm very upset. I'm trying really hard to stop, but sometimes it's the only thing that calms me down. I've never cut myself when i'm feeling good, so I can't really give you any advice on that one, but I just wanted to post so you know that there are other SI sufferers here. I hope someone else on this board can give you some good feedback!

Fiona

http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif. I can reeeeally relate to you on this. I used to do it aaaages ago...then, out of the blue I started doing it again. I usually do it to get some guitl out of me...u know what I mean? But this time it was just the spare of the moment thing to do. i felt asthough I HAD to do it coz I hadn't in a long time.

If u EVER EVER wanna talk....I am truly here for you

Love
CarolineXXXXXX

I've never cut but I found out my best friend was cutting last year and told someone. I know the pain you must feel that you feel the need to cut. I've tried numerous times to cut but I can't stand the sight of blood. All you guys who do it, how do you manage that, doesn't it scare you? Can you explain to me the kinds of things you think to make you do that? Does anyone know that you guys cut? Do you do it in places that can kill you?

Thankyou so much for replying, all of you. I'm so sorry to hear that you cut too, it isn't exactly fun.

Rad916, I really don't know why else I do it except for the same reasons Fiona and Caroline said. I usually do it when I am really upset or frustrated about something and it helps to make me feel better and makes the hurt go away. No, nobody knows that I cut. I always do it so that I know nobody will notice it, like on my arms where a t-shirt will cover it. I just don't want people finding out about it I guess. A few times I have cut myself on the wrists, and I suppose that's dangerous and quite stupid, but I have never done it deep enough to really hurt myself.

-Ashlee

I don't cut in a place where I want to kill myself. It's usually on my arms but further up so noone would notice.
I can't explain what it is not to be afraid to do it. When u do it...it honestly doesn't hurt at all if you do it fast (sorry , that must sound awful)...but it really doesn't. The one on my arm from 2 weeks ago is deep and big enough...and although I get an impulse to do it...I regret the scarring afterwards!!!

I will reply again to you soon.....

Take Care!!XXXXXX

Hmmm . . . when I cut I'm usually fairly hysterical. And alone. I don't usually think when i'm doing it either, I just do it. Afterwards, I just say to myself "I deserve to feel pain." I think I do it because I'm often incapable of expressing my emotions, especially anger, sadness, frustration, etc (all the negative ones). Cutting is my way of SHOWING my hurt, just like self-starvation. If I can't TELL people what I'm feeling, I'll show them. Perhaps it's the same way for some of you . . .?

Fiona

That's excatly why I do it too, Fiona! Only, sometimes when I cut, I am far from being hysterical, I just tell myself, "you deserve this pain, it's your own fault" and other stuff like that. I'm also not into discussing my emotions. It embarresess me to talk about my feelings so I always avoid it. Not on here though, this sight is so great cos everyone is so understanding about everything. Thankyou!

Hi Ashlee

I'm so happy that you can relate to me, sometimes it really helps to have someone who feels things the way you feel them, you know? I had a major cutting episode the other day, it freaked my boyfriend out. He suggested that I start writing him daily letters to tell him what's going on in my head so that I don't feel the need to show my pain. He knows that I'm basically incapable of talking about my feelings, so hopefully I'll be able to write abou them. Maybe it could help you, too, and not just with the cutting. Posting here is sort of like that, getting things off your chest and receiving positive and understanding feedback. i'm glad you found this board, you're such an active poster and such a nice person, it's great! Feel free to email me if you like, okay?

doozerck@yahoo.com

Fiona.

That's great advice, Fiona, maybe I'll try writing about it instead, next time I feel the need to cut. The only problem is, whenever I try to write anything, like for short stories or essays for Engligh, they usually turn out to be about death or something else just as horrible! Just my wierd self, I guess. Anyway, I hope it works for you.

Ashlee

By the way my e-mail address is lonely_fairy_@hotmail.com if you want to e-mail me sometime too.

Hello all!
I usually post on the acne board, but I was kindof jumping around the other day at work and I was drawn into this topic. Here is my question: what would constitute self-abusive behavior? Is it limited to cutting? I guess I ask this because reading your posts reminded me of myself when I was a teen. I was not a regular cutter, per se, but I did have several self-abusive incidents that I have NEVER (well until now, but this is anonymous) had the guts to tell anyone about. I feel that I can write this now because it has been so many years (I'm in my late twenties now) and I feel that it is good therapy for myself. Anyhow, when I was in my teens, I felt frustrated, left out at times, and unable to talk about my emotions. I never really had an eating disorder, although presently I do tend to overeat and exercise to make up for it at times, but instead I would abuse myself. I did cut a couple of times; I punched out a small window in my basement and used the broken glass to cut my knuckles for several weeks in a row. But the most painful thing that I did was to take a hammer and repeatedly hit my arm with it (my forearm) until my entire forearm was bruised and swollen. I wound up in a cast for a few weeks. I have also punched walls until my hand was swollen and bruised. These incidents seemed to be isolated; perhaps a total of 10 times over the years. I have not done anything in years and years, partly because I've come to resolve, at least internally, most of my issues. But the memories still haunt me and the urge is strangely still there at times of stress though I don't feel that I would ever act on them.

If anyone has any tips on how to deal with the urges I would love it. I really don't feel that I would act on the urges; too much explaining if I was found out plus I've discovered the joy of running which burns off most of my stress.

It's amazing at how much better I feel now that I can write down what I've done to myself in the past. I suppose it's easier when your anonymous.

Hey Jersey Girl.
Welcome to this board! I'm sorry for not having any advice for you because I don't even have any idea of how to stop myself from doing it yet. Anyway, I am really sorry to hear of the way you used to self abuse yourself when you were a teenager, and never talking to anybody about it must have been so hard! If you decide not to talk about it to anybody in person, I suggest you write about it or post a message on here when you feel the urge to self-abuse, seeing as you said it helped for you the last time. Good luck with everything and I hope someone else has some better advice for you then I had.

Ashlee

Knowing that other people have experienced the same things that I have is comforting enough! Like I said, I haven't done anything in years, but that old urge and the frustration is still there. Writing it out does help-and reading about others experiences really makes me feel like less of a "freak", not that any of us are for what we do/did. Thank you for the support!

Knowing that other people have experienced the same things that I have is comforting enough! Like I said, I haven't done anything in years, but that old urge and the frustration is still there. Writing it out does help-and reading about others experiences really makes me feel like less of a "freak", not that any of us are for what we do/did. Thank you for the support! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif

I used to cut, just last year. I was like you and most of the time I did not know the reason why i was doing it. i did it to see the sight of my own blood-it was very soothing to me. i was able to hide it for about one month, and i could of hid it longer, but im glad i didnt b/c the cuts were getting deep. i was the strong one who came out and told someone...im very proud of ALL of you that have posted on this subject. PLEASE get counceling and tell someone you trust, in person. i know how many times you must of heard this, but it is
sooooooooo helpful b/c together you can come up with a plan of action. this was VERY hard for me-it took me about two weeks to tell someone...i am here to help you to the best of my power and ability. E-mail me at guymagnet2005@hotmail.com. Some helpful tips that i learned b/c i was put in two rivers for this-very helpful-dont think about what others think of it-do it for yourself...get a red pen and as hard as you can press on a piece of paper all over the piece of paper-
i know it sounds wierd and it takes a day or so for this feeling to take effect, but it works...this gives you the feeling of the pain and the sight of blood. if that doesnt work then shred paper-i know that it supposedly means your crazy, but believe me you're NOT.
this works almost immediately-it gives you the same feeling of self-mutalation-but in a MUCH healthier way.
CRY-i know this is so general and sounds stupid but it works-b/c i used to HATE crying in front of people and refused to-but it loosens you up and you dont usually cut if you cry first.THINK about who you love and who loves you-i know the feelings go both ways. To start off i love every single person on here-thats a start. If you dont believe anyone else loves you-i do-LIVE FOR ME!!! Hope these starter tips help. keep me posted.
E-mail me!!!-i dont care if you e-mail me just to say the sky is blue-but talk to me!!!I will look for some other tips for you guys but in the mean time...Love ya,
Becky

Hey Becky. Thanks for replying.
That was some great advice. I'm glad it worked for you.
I know you're going to hate me for saying this, but I CAN'T get councelling. I just can't bring myself to tell anybody about this. I like the fact that it's up to me, just like it's up to me when I eat or not. I know how stupid that sounds, and how completely wrong it is to say something like that, but I can't help it! It's just the way I feel so PLEASE nobody hate me!!! Besides, I have done this for over a year now, and I don't think I do it as often as I used to so maybe soon, I wont feel as though I HAVE to do it anymore. Anyway, I'm going to try that pen and paper thing, and see if that helps. Thanks for the advice.

Ashlee
lonely_fairy_@hotmail.com