I think that I am having anxiety attacks, but it is so strange. I am so energyless that I sit on the couch in a daze, but on the inside my thoughts are going a million miles a second and I'm worried and scared and panicked that my life is falling apart. I am gaining a lot of weight and as much as I try I just can't stop. I tell myself to wake up and stop eating so much, but I just eat all day long. I just CAN"T stop. I can handle hunger, I just can't handle cravings, which I get a ton of. I'm so scared that I'll get fat like I used to be. I need help, but I can't just flat out ask for it because my mom is always saying things will get better. Well, they're only getting worse. I am binging all the time now, and I can't throw up a lot of the time. I don't know what to do. I just want to cut my stomach open and peel all the fat out. I feel that I will never be able to change, and even if I start now it will be so far in the future that I am okay that I can't handle all the work now for no pay off. I don't know...I just want someone to really help me, but that is selfish to ask that of my family because they are all very busy and deserve to have their own lives. My chest hurts from straining to throw up when I couldn't. Ouch.

Hey CloudyDaze!

First, take some big deep breaths, breath in deep for 3 and out for 6. This will help slow your heart rate down and make u feel calmer!
Second, be reassured to know that u r not alone with this. I can relate to EVERYTHING u have said.
Third, u r strong enough to change - u know u want to so you're half way there already! Try not to identify with the 'cravings to eat'. Think of them as urges. YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to fight them. Instead of thinking "I'm dying to binge", think "I'm experiencing an urge to overeat - it will get strong but then it will go away". U don't have to give in to the urge. If you don't give in it WILL eventually weaken and then go away. Try to distract yourself: go for a walk(with no money!), phone a friend, do some exercise, anything that will take your mind off it that works for you.
Once you've successfully fought one you'll feel so elated and rightly proud of yourself. The next urge will be a little easier to fight. Some you'll win, some you'll lose but it's all part of the learning/recovery process. No biggi if u lose one, nothing to beat yourself up about http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/nono.gif - just gotta keep fighting!
Last task is to identify what's causing the urge. What's triggering the stress/anxiety? Helps to keep a diary of your thoughts feelings & you'll soon identify the reasons. You'll probably have more than one trigger, so by keeping a log in a diary you'll be able to identify a pattern. Once you recognise what's stressin you, you can then decide how to elimate that stress from your life.
Believe me, it doesn't take 2 long to start feelin better once you've fought 1 or 2 urges.
You are NOT selfish - you deserve a stress-free happy life too.
You sound like a caring person - thinking you don't want to burden others with your problem but I'm sure your mum and lots of other people around you care about you and would want to help you. You just gotta start caring about yourself.
Anyway, you can be sure that everyone here cares and wants to help you. Go fight it girl - we're all with you.
Keep us posted. Worrying about you and sending you loads of warm fuzzies!
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/round.gif
Love,
Hazel

I know EXACTLY what u r feeling. Coz this last week I went through that. I didn't give a flyin f*ck basically and ate...not matter what calorific content. It was usually all of the foods I would avoid e.g cheese, chocolate etc.
One thing that scared me into stop doing that is to write everything u r eating in a day. Write down what urged you to eat. And then say to your 'other half'...who's bingeing 'Hey!! You don't control me!! I control u and u are gonna STOP bingeing....coz u know what??? U aren't gonna win coz I am stronger!! It sounds dumb but once you proove to the bingeing side that u CAN resist the urge to binge...then you get your control back and feel better!!!!

That sounds a load of bull crap...but I hope u understand the minority!!
The first few days you'll feel like this blob
http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/blob_fire.gif but trust me...things will get better. I am here to suport you...I am still struggling to get the control back!!!

Love CarolineX

Thanks for the responses guys! Hurt2Deep, your post really got to me and just really encouraged me so much! I guess that I tell myself that I can beat this, but I don't believe what I am saying. I always think 'well, I really need to binge today and I'm sure that this will be the last time ever that I'll have to, so I might as well do it.' HA! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/tired.gif I will try to keep fighting it. Sometimes I think that I just overanalyze my feelings and I think about something so much that I bring the craving on myself! Well, I really think that today will be the first day in a week that I won't binge. I CAN do this! (We all can!) http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

CloudyDaze

I don't know u but I'm soooo proud of you! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/dance.gif
Fighting talk - like it.

Sincerely hope you get thru today - I'm with you 4 sure.

You know, all the stuff I wrote didn't come naturally! I leant it all from self-help books, took a lot of convincing my brain but I gave it a go. I was doing so well and feeling really good (proof it works!) until the divorce thing and my recent bad time with bingeing again all over the place. But, if others can learn from what I have, & even what I'm going thru now with starting to lapse & how I'm fighting it, then I could sit here and type all night.
Have you ever read any self help books? There are a couple of really good ones that give a very clear and defined six step programme on beating this. Also there is a very defined way of how to record your eating/lapses/feelings in a diary - let me know if you want this and I'll type it all out for you.

Hope you made it today - but if you didn't, hey, **** happens, learn from the experience and what went wrong today and carry that forward until tomorrow. Small steps.

Thinking of you and PLEASE keep me posted - I'll be loggin on again tomorrow especially to see how you're doin!

Love, support & understanding
Hazel

I'd just like to take credit for everyones' use of the smiley now!!! he he http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/wave.gif
luv u all! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Rachel