I was just wondering if anyone else who posts here does this...

I'm not going to bother posting my height and weight b/c I don't want to trigger anyone or anything.

I used to be bulimic,and I use that *used to be* loosely because I still fall back into it a lot. I used to binge and purge (making myself throw up) when I was younger (around 14/15/16) and felt like crap for doing it. I've been dealing with this illness for a very long time, not really telling anyone about it except for my boyfriend who is understanding but since he doesn't know how to help, he doesn't really concern himself with it. Sounds horrible, but sometimes its better that he doesn't involve himself in it.

Anyways, so I'm 20 now, sounds all grown up, but I'm still dealing with this little immature girl disease. Not trying to offend anyone, that's just how I see it. It's funny but I think I thought I'd outgrow it. :-/ Instead of throwing up though, I go to the gym. I obsess about burning exactly 200 calories every time I go--which might not be much but if I don't do it on the treadmill I'm move over to a different machine until it's done. Either that or I'll do 2 miles. Which again, isn't much, not at all, but I have to complete it. It's a mindset that I can't get rid of. And oh, forget it if I ate a lot the day before, I'll spend 45 min just doing ab exercises, leg presses, anything to burn off that extra food. During the day, I allot myself a certain amount of calories and if I go over that, I chastise myself and punish myself with extra time at the gym.

I feel like it's slowly taking over my life and routine. Fitness is supposed to be about feeling good but I've twisted it into a punishment, a sort of checks and balances for my body.


Does anyone else have this problem?


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Feel Free to Respond!

I used to have this problem. I would go to the gym for at least 50 minutes 6 days a week. Now, I hardly ever go and if I do I go for only 20 or so minutes and make it a point to enjoy it.

This is a form of bulimia. It could also be considered exercise addiction/compulsion, which is actually pretty common because you can hide behind the very acceptable 'I want to be healthy and fit.' If it is taking over your life, you should seek some help for it.

It might be extremely hard, but try to go one week without exercise. I did that and freaked out all week until I weighed myself and saw that I didn't gain anything. I didn't get ugly and flabby all of the sudden, either. I don't think 20 year-olds can be flabby looking unless they are obese or just genetically like that, so don't worry (easier said than done!)

Have you tried lifting weights for a routine? It really improves self-esteem. Also, those calorie counters aren't very accurate at all, especially if you don't have to enter your weight (except on the bikes, because weight doesn't matter much).

Try to find some people who you think are attractive and hardly ever work out, or do so very lightly. It will be encouraging for you to think that you can still look good without making yourself miserable.

Hi,

I can relate to the bulimia which I had about 4 years ago. Now I have been restricting my food and exercising/ eating like mad and not doing anything. My metabolism sped up so much since the bulimia I find I don't need my exercise compulsion which was extreme and didn't help me really lose any weight. I actually think the exercise makes things alot worse. Now I only exercise 2-3 times a week and despte my eating a reasonable diet and even overeating I have not gained any weight even maybe lost more. I was restricting in my feeble attempts to gain control over my fears of being a dependent little girl and I agree this plays a part in ED's. Yet now I am afraid as I am eating so much I will either need to cut back in a healthy way or reduce some of my stress which has led to trying to control food again despite being ok for 4 years till this year. Be careful with the exercising it can spin things out of control and has definetly got me back to my ED. Try cutting back to 3 times a week. I find this speeds the metabolism enough so that you can try to get into other hobbies. The gym thing and all those obsessed people just makes the insecurity issues come up when they are not really there anyway. Its just that ED perception and it helps to exercise at home if anything so you can avoid that pressure. Take care.
Mel

A week? I don't know if I could do that right away. I feel awful if I don't go one day. I mean, I usually "take off" wed and sun, just b/c it doesn't fit in my schedule, and I don't want to be unhealthy. I know that there's good things in moderation. It's like one side of my brain understands that, and this other side is like, no you're fat, you don't know what you're talking about.

I do lift weights. I use the weight machines and it's really kind of exciting to see definition in my arms now and like, tone in my thighs and legs. It really is a self esteem boost, i totally understand what you're saying by that. The thing is, part of me likes it and knows it's so healthy for me to get in shape and be strong. That's my real motivation. But somehow things get out of my control...

I guess I was just looking to see if someone out there understood. B/c most people look at me like I'm absolutely nuts when I'm like, oh I do X amout of calories or run X amount of miles otherwise my day is ruined! It could also be some whacked out form of OCD...I also have this thing where I count stairs or I spell things out in my head and count letters on signs and stuff. Anybody else know about that??

thanks

Wow! Sounds so familiar! I've been exercise compulsive for about 10 years now. Exercised before that but it was 10 years ago that I began loving it and hating it at the same time. I worked up to running 5-7 miles every day (Sometimes splitting it into 2 sessions). 2 years ago had foot surgery and since then can't build the stamina back to running, but have to run/walk 5 miles each day. It takes presidence over everything else in my life. Hadn't missed a day until this week. Been so depressed about falling behind in work have been there till 7 or 8:00 each night trying to catch up. 2 of these nigihts I didn't walk. I'm so angry with myself, I've been scratching myself as punishment... and eating sweets and carbohydrates like I've never done before. I'm sure I've gained 10 pounds this week. My clothes feel it but I'm afraid to weigh myself. I'll hate myself more and punish myself more. I have to stop this downslide. When I get overweight the whole world seems blacker than ever. I've totally lost control. How do I stop?
patches

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I do this. I run 5 days a week, doing 40+ miles a week (one day a week I'll run between 10-13 miles) and I lift weights 2-3 times a week. I've been known to workout for up to 2 1/2 hours at a time. But I really don't feel that I could ever stop-I enjoy running too much. But I've found that there are days when I have to skip doing any exercise and I tell myself that I am not fat or lazy for doing so. I don't let it interfere with my life, but I do make every effort to fit it in, just as I would fit in a meal or time with my friends.

My suggestion would be to tell yourself-out loud if you have to-that you are not going to become fat for skipping a day here and there. Try to limit your time exercising and don't worry about the calories. The calorie counters are not accurate in the least. Everyone has a different metabolism and thus will burn calories at a different rate.