It's been a year and 3 months and he called me from the hospital begging me to see him that he wasn't going to make it. I (very ignorantly) said" I have to work, what if you get sick later?
He had cancer( I never had to deaL with death like this, (a person soo close to me) He was staying in the town close to his family.
I don't cry and go as crazy as before but it is still very hard. Not too mention because I hate this fact but we were seperated too. We werent married by paper and I was dating someone else, who wasn't as good of a man as he was. I wanted to be there for him. The night he called me my chest actually hurt. I felt soo weird. He died the next morning.
I hope I see him in heaven. How do I forgive myself?

I am so sorry you have to deal with these feelings. I know how hard it is to forgive yourself, but it sounds like you had no idea he was so ill at that point and so didn't think it was necessary to go straight to the hospital. It sounds as though you still loved him and you must have been devastated when he died. But we all make mistakes and I think we have to forgive ourselves and just try to learn from our experiences. He will know now that you are sorry for not going to see him and he will have forgiven you long ago, I'm certain of that. (I too lost someone I was very close to this year and I would have liked to have been there at the end for him, but it was impossible.)

I know you will always have regrets, but if you can tell yourself that he wouldn't wish you to keep on punishing yourself then I think you will eventually have peace of mind. I do hope so.

tryingtobe-
We all learn by our mistakes and this was a very hard lesson. It will take time to move on but you will. Compassion for sick people is something I truly did not understand until I have become chronically ill myself. I look back now on how I could have been alot more helpful to some ill people in my life and trust me.........my whole outlook has changed and if I recover from this illness I will spend the rest of my life being more understanding of those in bad health. Sorry you are having to deal with this and only time can heal the pain.