Hi-- So I'm new here and I hope somebody will reply to me. I'm 24 and quite depressed. I've been this way for close to 2 years now. The feelings come and go. Some months are worse than others. I've seen two different therapists but I still have my very down moments. I've never tried meds but last week my therapist brought it up. I would be open to it if I knew they worked. I have my doubts. My life looks great from the outside. I have a decent job and a loving boyfriend. I live with a couple of girls my age. I hate myself and I tend to be my toughest critic. People just don't understand how I get to be so sad. I don't really get it either but it happens. When I am sad I tend to drink and I have many nights where I have great trouble trying to fall asleep. I just want to be "normal" and happy. My boyfriend has been supportive but recently has become frustrated with my condition and has asked for more space apart. This completely broke my heart and now I am at a loss of what to do. If I lose him, I lose everything. Just a few months ago I thought we were on the road to being engaged and starting a life together. Now this?? I never expected a "quick fix" for my depression but this is going on 2 years. When will I ever be better? I work really hard too. I've read countless self help books and call my therapist when I need extra support. Sometimes it feels like wasted effort. Unfortunately, I am not getting any better and I am embarrassed to be the person I've become. I sometimes wake up thinking it would be better for everyone if I just weren't alive. I question whether I would ever want kids b/c if depression is based on genetics I would hate to create child that can't stand the person they are. I hate myself, my drinking/smoking, and the fact that my boyfriend has requested more space. I've grown distant from my family recently and that has not helped my condition. Please help me. I'd love to hear what you think.

Oh honey, Im so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I am going through the same thing. Our problem may be that we try too hard to figure out why these horrible things are happening to us. Them we blame ourselves for everything that is going wrong around us. Im glad to hear that you are seeing someone and are open to medication to help ease the pain. Sometimes the meds help take the edge off of your emotions so you have more time to get to know yourself and learn to live again. They take some getting used to. Don't be embarrassed...THis is not something that you have asked for. I know you don't want to feel like this...Who does? You may feel alone. Kind of like living the way you are expected to or just existing. Not living. Maybe? It takes time sweetheart. Some more than others.

As for your boyfriend, try not to be upset at him. Im sure it was hard enough for him to ask you for space. But what would happen if he didn't ask and became overwhelmed because there was nothing he could really do to help you? He may feel helpless. No matter how he tries to make you happy, you may still cry. It may be difficult to see you that way because he loves you so much. But none of this is your fault...Whatever the reason he asked for space, please don't blame yourself. As much as we want to, we can't control everything. Unfortunately that includes our boyfriends. Just focus on you and try to get better the best way you know how. You were brave enough to recognize that there is a problem. You are brave enough to still be alive and you should be proud that you are getting help.

All bad experiences take time to either get passed or learned to live with. So please, try not to beat yourself up. If you feel sad sugar then cry til the well runs dry. They are your feelings and you have a right to them. Give yourself time and don't let anyone else try to tell you how to feel. You are doing well and if you keep it up, you will be smiling and living your life happily again soon.

LOL. PS. I wish I could take my own advise!!:rolleyes: