hi guys. I had a bad day today. For some reason I feel like my friends are ignoring me, except for 1. I don't know why they're mad at me. Also, today in advanced fitness everyone was complimenting this girl on how skinny and little she was and I just couldn't handle it anymore and I started crying and ran out of the room. After I calmed down I thought I was ok so I went to class but I ended up leaving and cutting myself-for the first time. It hurt but felt good. Then I realized what I did and called my therapist. She's making me tell my parents tonight. I'm going to throw up from nervousness, I don't want to tell them. I have never felt so worthless in my entire life, I feel like I have no point. WHY AM I ON THIS EARTH???
luv and luck to the rest of you, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Rachel

Rachel,
Do you feel as tho your friends are ignoring you as far as your ED goes... b/c sometimes I felt as tho my freinds didnt care that I was struggling with Anorexia b/c they never asked me how I was doing, or seem to care and ignore me on that aspect. Or they were to caught up in their lives to bother to notice mine.
I know exactly how you feel when everyone always compliments on how small, tiny and cute someone is, its VERY annoying and sometimes makes you feel 10x worse about yourself!!! I feel that ALL the time. It makes me feel disgusted with myself. And feel as tho I'd give anything to be that "skinny" girl.
I am soo sorry you've had a bad day! But dont worry b/c...

"Just breathe, b/c the sun is gonna rise..."

saying.... dont worry just do whatever you can to get through it just PLEASE dont hurt yourself that there is awlays tomorrow. So until the meantime SMILE http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif B/c you never know who's day your gonna brighten!
PLus its been clinically proven that even tho ur depressed if you smile it will make you happier. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

If you need anything Im hear for ya!

~~~Lindsay~~~~~

Hi Rachel.
PLEASE don't cut yourself! If you start, soon you wont be able to stop and I'm sure you don't want that. Trust me, it's horrible, and soon they will become deeper and deeper. Well that's what happened to me anyway. You arn't worthless, none of you are. I'm glad you told your theripist about what you did. I hope I wasn't the reason you started though, because it was me who brought it up on this board. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Sorry. Anyway, hope you're feeling better tomorrow.
Ashlee

Hang in there Rachel. I know how you feel. Whenever I hear people compliment someone who's really thin it makes me so mad. I feel like saying 'oh, you compliment them but when I lose weight you gossip and say nasty things about me behind my back.' Hearing other people get complimented on their thinness is a real trigger for me. I have to really talk myself out of doing anything that will set me back in my progress. Try to talk to yourself when it happens again.

Don't worry about telling your parents. They love you and they want what's best for you. They may not understand, but they won't love you any less or think that you're wierd or anything because of your cutting. I've felt like cutting before, but I try to think ahead 10 years. When I get over all this and am recovered I don't want to have scars all over my body to remind me of this horrible time in life.

I know that you feel worthless. It's easier to feel worthless than to have face the facts of what's really going on. You aren't worthless. You are getting into some destructive behaviour that could affect your future and definately will change you as a person. By feeling worthless you brace yourself for any critisizm from others. If someone says something mean, instead of being really hurt you can just say to yourself 'well, so what? I already know that I'm nobody. It's about time everyone else knows too.'

Please try to practice being kind to yourself. It takes a long long time to really feel it, but it starts with saying kind things and stopping when you say something bad. It really is freeing to stop being your own worst enemy. I will pray for you to recover and face your parents! By the way, I have your screen name in my file, but I just haven't seen you online! Maybe sometime soon. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

dear ashlee lindsay and cloudy,
you guys are wonderful, thanks so much for your support, I don't know what I would do without you guys. I told my parents, it wasn't the biggest deal, but I'm going to my therapist tom and I think she's gonna tell me I can't go to israel for the year. That would be the saddest thing in the wold. But I'll tell you guys what happens. I hope you're all doing great! Tell me stuff!
Luv and luck, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Rachel

Hi Rachel,
Hope your feeling better. It really may help to tell your parents. When I did tell my mum it was such a weight off my shoulders and she really helped me just by talking and talking and just holding me when I cried. Still do lots of this, crying that is and you really need to lighten up on yourself. Talking to your therapist will help especially when others are called skinny, that really throws me too but it's easy to forget people have said this about you too. It's never enough I know and don't worry about your possible change even though you may want to go to Israel. You may be meant to stay and learn something more valuable here and give valuable support to others. Take care and remember how much your parents would love to help you if you opened up and friends too if you can. It's hard to confide but you seem to be a very caring person and others will want to be there. Be kind to yourself and go with your insight it will help you even if it's sometimes painfull.
Mel

: http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif Oh rad!! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif I hate to see you feel **** about yourself!
I feel upset at school every time there's a skinny girl...and who si 100% natural...it P*sses me right off!!!!
This is just my opinion but...if it's a one off...the cutting thing...then is it worth the anxiety of telling them? If YOU don't feel comfortable telling them then don't. However, what u r going to do/have done is brilliant though!!!

Never hurt yourself (cut). I have and I have got this obvious red scar. People ask "how did you get that"...u have to be very fast with an answer and make sure it's believable!!!

Looooooads of love!!!!!

CarolinX

oh Caroline, I wish i could just not tell my parents but I didn't have a choice. Thank G-d though, I'm doing better and I don't feel as depressed as last week. HOW ARE YOU??? tell me stuff!
luv and luck, http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/heart.gif
Rachel