I just slept for 11 hours straight, and could probably go back to bed for a few more. The previous night, I'd slept only for about 5 hours and leapt out of bed feeling terrific. I've lost all of the clarity I once had, I'm not social anymore, I have no hope for the future. I am afraid that my meds aren't working as effectively anymore. Could it be that, or am I stuck in a depressive state???

(I've been trying to read "Why Am I Still Depressed?", but it is hard to read as of late, and, since my pdoc diagnosed me as BP I, I'm not even sure the book applies to me...but I still identify with much of what he says, all while being further confused...I thought I had a handle on things, but that's just it, I thought I did. I never do and probably never will.)

Ugh! So sorry your feeling that way.... At least you are recognizing it forzeninside... some people can't even do that!

I was depressed/manic this weekend, for some reason the weekends are hard for me... I was trying to read up in my room, couldn't do it so then I tried doing a cross word puzzle downstairs, couldn't do it... It sucked! I had the urge to hurt myself as well but I didnt' act on it and i'm proud of myself for that!!!! Keep your chin up and know your not a lone, I'm not going to be fully satisified until i'm on the correct amount of meds and if that means going to the docs every week then I'm there. I'm getting a journal of them all and how I react... I'm not letting this diease control me and nor should you!

when i was initially diagnosed my pdoc (who was the best i've had of about 6), told me it would take 12-18 months to actually understand, who I was and what I was feeling. Not that the meds weren't working, because generally mood stabilsers have a short half life, meaning they take effect very quickly. However, you're having to come to terms with many emotional and physical changes. Essentially, if you read between the lines they are saying to you that your behaviour prior to meds was not the behaviour of the everyday person, and yet for many years you believed you were, 'normal' 'rational' 'knew your own mind and decision making capabilities'. Seeking help with the pdoc indicates that you yourself came at least to a recognition that maybe everything about you wasn't quite right. But, it's still an enormous emotional rollercoaster of learning who you are, again. You WILL, question every emotion. am i high, am i down, is the decision or thought i am having this moment the right one based on what i'm doing right now. It's really difficult and confusing. Don't expect an overnight fix. What you're experiencing is normal!

Thank you both. Your replies made a lot of sense, and I feel a little better. I will most definitely have to inform my pdoc of all of these changes. Journaling is so valuable, but hard when you're tired and depressed and all of the life is sucked out of you!

Dee-nah, what a wonderful accomplishment you made by not following through with your thoughts!!! PLEASE don't ever harm yourself! :( :( :(

I am exhausted. What is going on???