ok, im now 18 and at University. ive hid depression,self harm, eating issues for 4 yrs, ive also never told anyone about sexual abuse as a child. im a shy, timid person. i make freinds but its hard and you have to catch me in a positive good mood whcoh is hard, its hard to pretend alaso. im gebnerally shy aroubnd people, get panic attacks when i have to stand up infront of others, im just very different.also i get anxious and my initiative seems to switch off.

the problem is now i have to get a part-time job. ive never had one. not cos i was lazy, i just had alot of work and repeating to do of exams-so there was little time, also i changed schools and they advised against the job. my parents seen it as a cop out, a let down that im lazy or something-but i was caught between knowing i couldnt handle all the work, extra classes, extra exams and the secret depression and all those other issues as well as keeping a job down and keeping them happy. i wanted to keep them happy but i dont think id be here if i had have tried. ive worked a day a wek doing communtiy service in a charity shop but thats it.

now though ive bin looking since june and i cant get anywhere. why will nowere take me! either there is nowhere or they havnt started processing applications yet. but my parents dont accept this, they keep harping on, poking fun or getting angry at me. i hate feeling like more of a failure. im trying so hard, i hate feeling i cant do something, it makes me cut sometimes. but now they are telling my at UNI the max hours to work is 12hrs, ive spoke to mature students and those from this year and some say they are even oly taking 4-8 hours cos of all the work. i understand this but still feel i have to do more hours than that. but my parents keep pushing, i cant even mention it or the other students without them shouting, it gets me sooooooo deperessed and i cut sometimes. they want me doing 20 hours, and working this chirstmas and all bank holidays. which i know people do, but i feel i have no control and with the depression eveything seems so much worse, its horrible. i feel in dispair when i think of this.

im also scared of working a bit although im pushing myself, im shy,timid and what if i cant do it. my parents dont understand i have a real fear of this, they say im lazy or being stupid. please help,i feel so down about it. what as adults do you think??? how do you guys keep looking on the bright side with jobs and work?? xox

I have this same fear! I'm still in high school, and I FEEL like a lazy bum because I've never had a job, and I don't even have a drivers license. But I'm TERRIFIED of driving. I don't know how to get over it. Do you drive? And I also had another question for you as I read your story...how has this been for you socially? You say you have friends, which I do too, but do you go out much with them? I never go out with my friends. I feel like I'm not a normal teenager.

i can feel your pain and fear coz I, as a guy, feel shy and timid around people especially girl too. although now I get better but there is still that intimidate feeling inside. I try slowly and not to take myself so seriously.

I did have a habit of cutting myself until it's bleeding whenever i feel really down. but after going through a long period of soul searching, i find that the subconscious in me is TRYING TO PUNISH MYSELF OVER MY MISBEHAVE OR THINGS I DON'T APPROVE ABOUT MYSELF. By cutting myself, I subconsciously bring my pity-loser-flaw self to justice. THIS IS NOT HEALTHY. You have to stop cutting yourself. You don't have to be perfect to love yourself. You have to forgive and accept yourself. Imagine that little girl inside you who is so frighten and scare about herself, she long for love and understanding yet you are hurting her, pushing her more far away. She must be very disapointing and sad.

Being shy, timid, having depression is not your fault. Don't blame yourself over it. Accept that it's already happened. but Accept the fact doesn't mean you can't do anything. You can improve it. Seek a caunselor or friend who you can truly trust and relax to share your feeling. Learn to let go and don't take things too seriously sometimes.

I know it's easier to say than action. but just like "thegardener" told me, if you wanna change, you have to try. Take each step slowly. Don't give up on hope coz there a rainbow after the storm.

Hope you'll be better.

hey!!! gurly gurly-ive never had a job and i dont drive yet-i havnt even sent off for my license. its just never top of the list and at the back of my mind, i feel it takes so much damn energy to push and to do it, it makes me want to cry at the thought of it.

soically ive always bin weird. in my first school i had 1 freind, i was bullied badly, by teachers too.its why i just cant make myself be comfortable with them no matter how hard i try. im very conscious of myself really. with freinds i have a little group. i do go out with them, but i also make excuses a good lot of the time when i just am not in the mood to be with anyone. im close, but not close enough to tell them how im feeling ever. ive never even said'i feel down today' in my life and id die of embarressment if i did! we dont really say it in my family(they are good though), if i said it id get sarcastic comments, or comments on feeling sorry for myself, or theyd say something about being in'bad form today'-and say they cant be bothered with me like that.

i know what its like to feel so detatched, i too dont think im normal, theres just too many things that say im different. and i dont understand why everyone else can just be ok. i was in a class last week and we had to go round the room and introduce ourselves. well, i got hot, sweating, started to shake and feel sick, my throat closing over and i cant breathe, its hard to talk then. my mind went blank and i cant find anything to say, theres just nothing.i tried to fix it, telling myself there was air, try to take deep breathe slow and feeling the air in ym throat, i prepared what i would say-but it didnt work. i cant help but feel envy at the others who just speak so easy and are 'happy', i really do try, ive bin trying for 4 yrs, ignoring it, delving into it, going out more just means i feel it around people and its annoying. what about you?? how are you socially??? xox

Puccachick, You Have To Tell Your Parents About The Sexual Abuse By That Neighbor Boy When You Were Eight Years Old! Please, Please, Please tell them!!!!!! Of course you can't handle all of this stuff with this unresolved abuse going on inside of you. Your parents don't understand because they have no clue as to what happened to you. I am a parent, and I would want my child to tell me these things. They need to take care of you!!!!! Now do it today!

depresso, that is very insightful of you to figure out that you were cutting to punish yourself for your believed shortcomings!!! If you continue to find such insights about yourself you will be recovered!

hey!!! gurly gurly-ive never had a job and i dont drive yet-i havnt even sent off for my license. its just never top of the list and at the back of my mind, i feel it takes so much damn energy to push and to do it, it makes me want to cry at the thought of it.

soically ive always bin weird. in my first school i had 1 freind, i was bullied badly, by teachers too.its why i just cant make myself be comfortable with them no matter how hard i try. im very conscious of myself really. with freinds i have a little group. i do go out with them, but i also make excuses a good lot of the time when i just am not in the mood to be with anyone. im close, but not close enough to tell them how im feeling ever. ive never even said'i feel down today' in my life and id die of embarressment if i did! we dont really say it in my family(they are good though), if i said it id get sarcastic comments, or comments on feeling sorry for myself, or theyd say something about being in'bad form today'-and say they cant be bothered with me like that.

i know what its like to feel so detatched, i too dont think im normal, theres just too many things that say im different. and i dont understand why everyone else can just be ok. i was in a class last week and we had to go round the room and introduce ourselves. well, i got hot, sweating, started to shake and feel sick, my throat closing over and i cant breathe, its hard to talk then. my mind went blank and i cant find anything to say, theres just nothing.i tried to fix it, telling myself there was air, try to take deep breathe slow and feeling the air in ym throat, i prepared what i would say-but it didnt work. i cant help but feel envy at the others who just speak so easy and are 'happy', i really do try, ive bin trying for 4 yrs, ignoring it, delving into it, going out more just means i feel it around people and its annoying. what about you?? how are you socially??? xox

I'm so glad that I've found someone to relate to Pucca Chick. But I have a question, has it always been this way for you, or were you different when you were younger? Did something happen to make things this way, or was there a point in your life when things started to change? Because for me, I haven't always been this way. I used to be really care-free, and happy, and REALLY social. I had a boyfriend, and a great group of friends that I was REALLY close to. But then I got really sick and i'm getting better now, but as I get better I can't seem to pull myself out of this...I just feel worse and worse emotionally, and more and more distanced and detached from everyone else. I know this might sound random but have you had a boyfriend Pucca chick?

well i ahve and i havt always bin thios way. ive always bin shy, a day dreamer alot. i was always the quietest in the class but once i got to know someone i never shut up. as a child i had male freinds too, i even had little'boyfreinds'-althpough it wasnt official we got little kissess lol.

but then at 8 yrs old-till 11 i got sexually molested by a boy of 15/16. i got confused, and after that u just never really progressed into the whole'girly, obbsessive luvy duvy boy mad teenager'. i felt nothing for guys or girls. i see them more as objects, its like you fancying a chair or a table lol. i try sometimes, but im soically anxiois which is my first problem, then i dont know hopw to interact with them, and then i dont really trust them either(no offense to the guys). ive met some nice guys in the past, but never gone far. we kissed, danced and stuff, but nothing ever goes past that, i feel its an effort to look interested or show passion or anything, its tiring. i wish i could feel exited about something.i was managing ok, i mean i was a little different until i was 14, then it went downhill and ive felt depressed since-but no one knows.

i have my own little group of freinds and thats fine, buit i have probelms interacting with others.

what made you change?? anything in particular?