Hello!! My name is Becky. I have been married these last eight years to a wonderful man named Ty who just happens to have Cerebral Palsy.
Let me tell you a bit about him. His CP affects him in these ways - he is legally blind, has a speech impairment, has problems with dexterity, and has balance/coordination issues,which is why he uses a wheelchair quite a bit. His CP doesn't affect him mentally, in fact he is one of the most intelligent people I know. He has spastic cerebral palsy, but thankfully doesn't have to take any daily meds. He is the only person w/ cp i have ever met who doesn't have to take meds daily (in no way am i saying that meds are a bad thing, I myself have to take meds daily, and they have been a lifesaver for me. I just think it's a wonderful thing that he doesn't have to).
We have had many trials in our married life, many of which I'm sure I will share in future posts.
But i married him because I love the person i know he is on the inside.
I am glad I found this site, and will surely post in the future, as I have a few questions of my own to ask, and I love to give hope and advice, as well as share my experiences, with others, especially people who are in similar situations as my hubby and I are.
Thanks!!!

Welcome. :)

Welcome to HealthBoards, Becky! I'm Michelle, 23 y/o with CP. :)

It's always nice to see new people (especially able-bodied people dating/married to people with CP, as dating tends to be an issue for some of us...well, at least for me ;) ). Welcome :)

It's always nice to see new people (especially able-bodied people dating/married to people with CP, as dating tends to be an issue for some of us...well, at least for me ;) ). Welcome :)


Thanks for the nice welcome everyone!!
Dating/ getting out was also an issue for Ty (my husband).
I think dating was an issue for me also, as a look back. as a teenager, a big part of me really didn't care about dating, but yes, there was a part of me that did, too. I am tall (6 feet), and rather a plain jane. not exactly what most guys are looking for.
When I was in high school, the only date i went on was one where I asked the guy. Same thing in college until I met ty, and there again i was the one that first asked him out.
I also have a few able bodied single adult friends, and it's not easy for them, either.
Yes, dating can be tough. Just remember, 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince'.
And if a person can't accept you for who you are, Cp and all, that's their fault, not yours.

the best thing i can think of to say is don't let dating issues ruin your self esteem. It's not worth it. As for me myself, I know I am a wonderful person, even if others can't seem to see it.

Have a great day!;)

Just remember, 'you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince'.

The frogs also have to be willing to accept that that they aren't getting a fairtale princess out of the deal though!! I'm 23 years old and haven't even had one date... Trust me, I get it... keep kissing the frogs but they've got to give you the chance first!

Welcome, Becky!

Boy do I sympathize, Michelle. I'm 20 and in the same situation. I'm fairly outgoing, I've even asked a guy out before, so I figure that things have GOT to change eventually, right? *Le sigh*

Now I'm at the point where a part of me is becoming indifferent to dating, which scares me a little, because, at the same time, I really want to get out there and do it!

Welcome Becky,
I'm a 39 year old female with spastic cp. It has affected my left side only. I am another person that does not require med's. Never have and hopefully never will.

It's nice to see an able bodied woman asking a fella out that has cp. I feel it is harder for men with cp to get a date/or married than it is for women. I have had several dates growing up. It was never a problem. I married once than divorced and now remarried. My hubby does not think of me has having cp at all. I am able to do everything on my own. I just use one arm. Nice to see you here. Take Care

I hear ya, ladies! I'm almost 21 and I've never had a date either. I want to date, but I know when the right guy comes along it will happen... so for now I'm just waiting. Waiting is a little boring though:yawn:

That's why I like this site, I don't feel like such a weirdo for never having gone on a date at 20 ;). I'm indifferent to dating, too....oh well. Maybe something will happen to me like happens in romance novels...haha

Hi Everyone,

I'm new here. I'm a 44 yr old female with Spastic Diplegia. My legs are mostly affected and I have poor balance. My upper body is fairly normal and luckily my speech is normal. I walk with one forearm crutch.

Of all the challenges, the physical is nothing compared to the loneliness and rejection, especially by guys, but girls too in terms of friendship.

I'd have to say that disabled girls have a much harder time finding romance than guys. Guys are really into looks and the physical appearance.

I think I'm a fairly attractive and a nice girl, but I think my walking gait, my crutch, and just being disabled, has been a turnoff to guys. I've been on one date in my life and that's it. That date was a blind date, the guy did not know I was disabled when he asked me. He still went on the date with me even after I told him that I was disabled, but that's as far as it went.

At this point I've decided to just focus on what I have. I have a job, I live independently and I'm healthy. I've been working at a regular gym for a year with a personal trainer in an effort to keep everything loose and moving and I enjoy that.

welcome to the board!!! feel free to post here any time!!
have a great day!
Becky

Hi Everyone,
Of all the challenges, the physical is nothing compared to the loneliness and rejection, especially by guys, but girls too in terms of friendship.


You can say that again! This basically sums up my feelings on my disability. The physical stuff is a pain, but at this point it is still manageable (since I've dealt with it my entire life), the awful part of it is the emotional aspect of it.

It would be nice to have one person (that I am attracted to) like me back. I realize you can't depend on another person to make you happy or feel fulfilled, but knowing that someone loves you the way you are I think can work wonders in helping one to accept themselves.

Please don't take this as complaining. It really is not. I see it more as stateing the obvious:)

(Please excuse the typos ... its late and I'm too lazy to spellcheck:D)

Christine
31, spastic diplegia CP, walks with crutches.

Yeah, I agree guys AND girls (friends) are an issue, although that "that I am attracted to" got me thinking...isn't that the same thing we're complaining about?

Maybe you meant that in terms of personalities matching, Christine, but for MYSELF I know that I personally have simply not wanted to date someone who might've dated me because I just wasn't *physically* attracted to him. The fact is, some (most?) AB people aren't physically attracted to someone in a wheelchair/using crutches...so it's the same thing. That guy I didn't want to date probably says "I wish some girl could look past my looks" just like I say "I wish some guy could look past my disability." Sad thing is we are influenced by society's idea of beauty/desireability (sp?) just like everyone else.

Just something I think about sometimes to make sure I don't get bitter about the whole dating thing ;).... My mom (hmmm, maybe it was a hint?!) bought me the book "The Year of Yes" by a woman who said yes to *anyone* who asked her on a date, and found the guy she married doing that. In an ideal world, that's how everyone would be, but I realize if I'm not like that I can't expect others to be.

Still working on that though :). Again, I'm talking about myself and I'm not trying to say anyone else on here is like that...don't want to offend anyone ;)

Yeah, I agree guys AND girls (friends) are an issue, although that "that I am attracted to" got me thinking...isn't that the same thing we're complaining about?


I see what you are saying, but the one or 2 instances I have had where the guy is interested in me have been with guys who had an obvious mental disability which definitely would not have worked for me. It was more of a how they acted in social situations, then how they looked.

There was one or two other situations, In one of the situations ... after talking to the guy for a bit it became obvious that we differed greatly in regard to beliefs and values so I saw no point in attempting to escalate things.

The othe situation happened when I was in my late teens early 20s and the guy approached me out of the blue ... it looked like he could have been in his late thirties. It kinda creeped me out:)

I haven't really had an opportunity where I was friends with a guy, and turn him down because I wasn't attracted to him.

For all of you who are down about getting a date. Don't be down. Just be yourselves and you will find that special person. When I was 18 years old (many, many years ago) I still had a crush on my ex boyfriend. He was a terrific guy who looked beyond my cp. He seen me for me and did not see my cp. Anyway, we broke up due to peer pressure at the time and another girl liked him too. They dated for three months and soon after became teenage parents. Their relationship lasted until the baby was 18 months old. He and I were at a party one night after he brkoe up with this girl and cried on my shoulders and I comforted him. I let him know that I still liked him and wanted to give our relationship a try again. He of course was not ready. He did however turned to me and said "There is someone out there for you. It may take 5 months, 5 years, etc..... " I thought he was crazy.

Well, he was right. After going through a divorce, with a man that I thought I loved, I met the man I am married to now for 12 years. He is AB man, and does not flinch on the fact that I have cp. He walks proud with me on his arm, shows affection to me in public, says sweet things to me. Get the picture! So what I am saying you all who are going through these feelings, just remember there is someone out there for you. It may take awhile to find that person, but donot give up hope.

Just have to tell you something about the ex boyfriend. I spoke to him a month ago. I have not spoken to him for 9 years and it was 23 years ago we dated. He informed me that he was having marriage problems and if he had done things different we would be together today. Ironically, I gave him his own advise back to him. Just thought I would share

Hmmm, this may be out of line, but I read these dating tales of woe and I know of a pretty cute young "hippie" guy with CP in Eugene, OR.. if anyone's in the area. My sweetie (who has CP) calls him "the cowboy" because they have a little bit of a rivalry going on (but my guy is much older.)

I know that's really a long shot. I just thought I'd put it out there. I'd certainly date him if I weren't so much in Love.

That's really sucky that people are generally so closed to others, but I guess it's a way to protect yourself too. Before I met my fiance, I hadn't really thought about dating someone with a "severe" disability, but he just smiled at me and it was love at first sight (for both of us.) I've had people say to me things like "well you're a very attractive girl, why are you with someone in a wheelchair?" but when it's right, you just know. So I'd say to just be true to yourself and the right person will come along that doesn't care about CP and sees you as a PERSON that they love with all their heart.

Oh, and just to agree with Albertarose about having patience.. Emery (my sweetie) had to wait until he was 47 for us to find eachother, but he said it was worth it!

Hi, I'm new here but I jupmed in on another post on what we do for fun.

When I was 14 I went to a dance for visually impaired kids such as me and my then boyfriend. Anway, my mum drove me and I envited an AB kid who was the son of a friend of my mums. He brought another friend with him. At the time I had a boyfriend and at the dance, my boyfriend made it clear we were no more. He was glued to someone else. Before the end of the evening the friend of the kid I invited set his sights on me.

He didn't care that I was visually impaired and had CP. I never got together with him again but in that one night, he gave me so much. I knew it could happen again and it did. So who did I marry........the boyfriend who dumped me at the dance. :)

I find among my friends who are sight impaired that they feel you have lucked in if you have an AB partner. Those that do have an AB partner, see their friends unable to take advantage or enjoy what they can because their partner drives. I find too much is based on this kind of thing. So no matter the disability, there is always some aspect of it that makes one feel left out and frustrated.

It's so important to have friends who know where you are coming from and who understand why you are down. People often mistake feeling down for feeling sorry for yourself when you have a disability, not so. I think being able to vent is one of the best tools for coping we have.

The most hurtful thing I have ever heard, is someone say to an AB person 'your so brave being with him/her'. Perception is the biggest attitude barrier there is. You see dating sites ect for AB but what about disabled??

Glad I looked in here. :)

Erin




















:)

Hi erin!!
Gald to hear that the 'ex-boyfriend' came around. obviously he learned to love you for who you are and learned to accept your 'challenges'.
my dh is also visually impaired, along w/ having cp.
We are active in a blind group here. I don't really feel too sorry for the friends that we have in this group, because many of them are able to get out there (thatnks to taxi's, friends) and work hard and keep themselves busy. The ones that i do feel sorry for are the ones i don't know, and i don't know them because they just sit in their house all day and hardly ever go out and do anything.