Hi Everyone,

I don't even know where to start. Today i had to say goodbye to an uncle.. he was leaving to go home... he is riddled with cancer and its pretty 100% certain that the next time i see him he will be dead... I hadn't seen him since he got sick as we live a long way from each other.. and i had the most overwelming feeling of sadness when i did see him.. hes not the person i once knew... he is a 50yr old man in an 80yr looking body... I can't begin to explain how sick i feel in the stomach everytime i think of him dying... He has been sent home to die... I have a strong family history of cancer having lost many important people in my life to it. Namely my father when i was 8 years old. I have lost so many people in my life another being my eldest brother to a brutal car crash that i have started worrying that much about the people that are still alive that it consumes me. I have nightmares of my daughter lying dead on the road.. i constantly think the worst is going to happen to everyone so that i can begin to start the process of setting myself up for the worst. Seeing my uncle today was the last straw.. how on earth was i meant to say goodbye to someone that i knew i would never see again.. and oh my god he looked so ill i can't even begin to explain it.. it was a horror story.. he used to be much bigger and now hes a skeleton.. what on earth do i do... how do i begin to cope... i need help to move on with my life.. plus i have this feeling now with having such a strong family history of cancer that i am doomed to die of it as well... and that is something that i would never want to put my family through again.

Today i saw a 50yr old man cry at the thought of leaving his best friend.. his wife.

help me please

thanks for reading
cathryn

good morning cathryn----i don't know if i have any words of advise since my life has been the same. lost my Dad who i adored to cancer in '92, my best friend in '03, my only sister to suicide 6 mos. later and the worst being my 21 year old daughter in '97. i often talk to the Lord and tell HIm i just can't take anymore. i know exactly how you feel about those that are still here. i have 2 surviving daughter and 2 grandchildre. I have told them before their sister passed i always needed to know whaere they were but i am really adamant about it now. my oldest is 34 and still calls to let me know everything is ok with her, her husband and the kids when they travel. we are in touch everyday in some wasy could be e-mail or phone. my youngest who is 27 i think it has bee the hardest on . she is single and still lives with me so i know when she goes out she might stay out or come home really late. she knows she has to call and let me know or i will have eveything under the sun in my mind that has happened to her. i don't think i'll ever stop being like this. my daughter who passed away died in a horrible car accident on her way home from helping a friend. i think once something like this happens to you it's almost immpossible to think clearly when you have these horrible thoughts in your mind. i am so sorry for what you are going through. no words of wisdom but wanted to let you know i feel and think the same way. i have accepted it as part of the very different me since my daughters passing. best to you and God bless.:)

Hi there, Thanks for your words of advice and support.. just to let you all know my uncle has now passed on.,, it happened today. :(