I don't throw up food or anything like that.I do go days and only eat popcorn.My main problem is what I see when I look at myself.My husband tells me I look great, but all I can see se someone FAT.I know I am not ,but I still see it.It is so bad now I won't even have sex with my husband,but maybe 1 a month.I am ashamed at the way I look.He does not see what I do.I am to the point of surgery, it is my only fix.I don't eat much,maybe once a day,but the fat is still there.Can someone help.I cant stand hating myself ,but I do.

I am unfornute to be the one to welcome you Micash to our club-the club of eating disorders for it sounds like you have one-it's unforutnate for I wouldn't wish an eating disorder how my best friend or my worst enemy-eating disorders are hell-plan and simple-as my therpist stated today 1 out of 5 anoexrics die(yeah I was paying attention in thearpy but I won't ever admitte to that). Hon the most I can tell you is get yourself help for even if you don't think you have a problem it's obvious you do-there's days(a lot of them lately) were I tell myself that I am the normal one and it's the rest of the world that doesn't have a clue what eating right means-that they don't have a clue what skinny really is-that what I do is normal and what everyone else does isn't-I mean look at any magazine-it adiverties thinness so what's so wrong with achieving it-the thing so wrong is when we, as people with eating disorders, look in the mirror(and for some of us when we look at others) we don't see what is really there-we see ourseleves(and sometimes others) as bigger than what we really (or they really) are and our preception of what is "thin" is actually unhealthy-I am going to stop here for Id on't like admitting to all of this-I pray that you do get some help.
God Bless.

Micash, have you been to counseling? Counseling is probably the best thing you can do. You know that you don't look as bad as you think. Talk to yourself and counter the destructive things that you say to yourself with things that are positive. Even with surgery you won't look the way you want. You were given a body and it's all you get forever, no matter how much you hate or abuse it. You wouldn't believe the peace and freedom allowing yourself to slowly accept your body will bring you. Are you actually overweight? You can get through this. Do it mainly for yourself, but for your husband, too.

What is the name for my problem?

Yes, I would talk to somebody.
Could be an eating disorder or also a body dismorphic disorder, where you think a certain part of you is ugly or deformed, even though it is not.

Kathrin

Thank you all so much for your help.At least I know what to look for when I am looking for someone.I had been told about the Body Dismophic disorder once before.I just hope there is something I can do.My life seems to be passing me by, and I just don't wanna jump in ,because I don't want anyone to see me, or call me fat.My mother used to tell me that I was fat all the time when I was young(14), and I was only a size 4 ,and now I am a 10-12, and she is about a 20.She was smallat my age, and I see me becomming her everyday.I am not sure if depression goes hand in hand with this, but it is sure hard getting out of bed now a days.So maybe I have come to the right place, to find the support I need to get on my feet, and not feel so alone in all this.Agian Thanks

The solution to all of this is to replace disorder in your life with order. Instead of having bad eating disorder habits, replace them with good eating habits. Eat healthy foods, exercise, and try to not focus on just on the appearance of the body. We are all imperfect; just do your best. Take extra care for your husband as you do for yourself. I hope that helps.

I write quite a bit on the diet and nutrition section. I started on all of this, when I was so sick that I turned to natural healthy foods and exercise to assist me in healing. When I got well after many years, I realized that I did more than just be cured of that health problem. As an adult, I have been neither underweight nor overweight in about 20 years (weight probably hasn't varied by more than 5 lbs up or down). Before, at times, I could not walk very well because of the pain. Now I run almost 20 miles a week.

Yes, you can be better. Yes, things can improve if you take the time to find them in a positive manner.

I try to eat right , but I will eat something like freah baked Salmon(a washington thing)and steamed carrots , and whole wheat bread , and fresh fruit .then I feel so full no matter how much or little I eat, and feel like a pig.Then it all starts all over. I won't want to eat but 1 time a day for weeks.How do you get there in your mind? I want to be normal, but I cant beat that voice that calls me fat?

Then know this. You are doing GREAT because you are trying to eat right. That's wonderful. That's a positive step in the right direction.

Also know that creating good healthy habits are going to take some time. Just keep that balance, by not being overweight nor underweight. Try some exercise too, even if it's just some hiking or walking.

You are right that a lot of times it is psychological, when that inner voice says we are FAT. We often believe what we think, even if it isn't true. So, why not just say that you're are doing GREAT.

You are doing GREAT, because you are going to take any imperfections and change in a good way, starting today. There nothing wrong with being a little overweight (even if it's your own false perception).... Remember that you can always maintain a healthy weight by following a better eating and exercise pattern.

Give your friends and family lots of love and support too. That's so important, to help bring fullness to your life. Love is like a circle; you give and it comes back.