Hi again everyone,

Thanks for the replies.

Today is my first day of trying to get control of my eating. I am definitely not thinking of much else, but still, being overly in control is much more comfortable for me than the bing/purge cycles I've been going through latley. My question is now, how do I avoid going back to being overly controling regarding my food intake? I feel like I have too modes: being a total control freak, counting every calorie, and obsessing about my food intake, or eating out of control, totally bingeing, and then feeling really guilty about it. Either way, it's all I think about. If anyone could offer some advice on how to find a happy medium, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks!

Hey, there.

Your post struck really close to home, since I'm dealing with pretty much the same problem. My bulimia has been really out of control for the past couple of months, so when I started to gain control over the binging and purging, it was a huge success. Unfortunately, I tipped the scales towards obsessing with depriving myself, as I was overwhelmed with fear that even the smallest indulegence could trigger a binge and ruin all my efforts and successes up until now.

If you are dealing with a similar problem, I think that the first step is to stop the purging, as scary as it sounds. I had 1/2 binge last weekend and almost decided not to purge. When I tried, I wasn't very successful, and even though the toilet was still calling me, as was the urge to run out and buy laxatives, the words of my therapist started to come, "You just have to deal with the uncomfortable feelings, forgive yourself, try to understand that you won't baloon up from one binge and that you can get back on track the next day." It was very hard. I wrote in my journal, trying to prevent myself from binging more, numbing the panic out. Somehow, I succeeded. There are gonna be many, many more of those situtions, because I know and understand that (unfortunately) it is the whole battle and the length of the entire journey to recovery that will make me get there, if you know what I mean.

Eventually, I hope that people like you and I can begin to understand that a life of deprivation is no life at all, but for now, to find the balance, we have to remember to push away these irrational voices, to think in terms of the future, our health, our abilities to concieve, have families, and find happiness in life that we so much deserve... I find it frusturating too, but sometimes I feel like it's finally beginning to get to me, even though I'm still not quite ready to take some of the first steps. Don't lose faith! :)

Stigma

Hey PJ, how're things going? I'm sure that they're not going as well as you want- perfectly with no problems- but are there any small advances that you've made? Have you felt better emotionally or eaten any better?