Hi guys

Wow, it's been ages since I've posted . . . I'll give a little update for anyone who cares. I just moved and I'm living on my brother's couch for a few weeks . . . I feel really uprooted and out of control and this has affected my eating a lot. I was on a long binge-starve cycle (eeek!! I HATE those), but now I'm getting back on track with healthy eating. Not too much, not too little. My boyfriend is helping a lot, as usual (what a sweetie, I'd be so lost without him!), and I'm even feeling happier. My weight is stabilizing again, which is nice. The bad news is that I'm doing more drugs than I used to. I don't know, but I feel happier and care less about my eating when I am doing them. Perhaps I'm just transfering my self-destructive behaviour into another arena, but as of right now I'm feeling better and more in control of myself and my head's in a better place than it has been in the last month or so. I am aiming to eat a certain amount each day, and I've started my food diary up again to make sure I don't slip back into ED behaviour by "accident" again. My trip to Ireland is getting closer and I don't want to ruin it by being depressed and worried about food there. I hope everyone here is doing well!

Fiona

Hey!! It's great to hear your progress...although I am a little concerned about u taking more drugs...but hey! It's your life!
I think u r taking more because your control is now on them? I don't know, I am just guessing.
I have a sister....I never speak to her about me really....she'd just flip and tell Mam or someone. I guess I am very introvert when it comes to telling people my inner most thoughts...but it's great that you be open to your bro!!!

Keep us all updated...and tell us about Ireland when you come back aswell!!

Love
CarolineX

Thanks for the reply! I'm trying to stay centred right now, but it's tough. I went to my ED support group and it made me feel really bad. I was listening to my friend's stories about her hospital stays and stuff, and it made me feel like a big failure for never getting to that point. At my lowest weight, no one even said anything. So I must have looked pretty normal (IE: fat). I'm trying to keep focused on eating healthy, but I just feel like a failure right now. I regret not going lower in weight when I was so close, you know? Oh well . . . Tomorrow is another day, hopefully a sunnier one.

Fiona

Hi Fiona.

I never knew you went to an ED support group! That's great!!! I know what you mean about feeling like a 'failure' at times. I sometimes feel like that too. I think to myself 'this is one thing I had control over and I couldn't even do that 'right'', but we all know that this isn't really the case.

Try not to think about your lowest weight too much. I think it's obvious by now that no matter how low any of us really got, it will never seem like low enough. It sounds as though that's exactly what you're thinking at the moment.

I'm also glad to hear you're doing better. Keep it up! http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif Have a great time in Ireland when you go there too.

Ashlee