Hi I have just joined the site. I have a friend with an eating disorder and I wanted to join the site to try and undertand. I have read books but they dont help me understand the way she feels. What starts it off?Why do you want to lose the weight? How can I help her see that she looks gorgeous anyway?

[This message has been edited by Vik (edited 04-03-2002).]

well, your friend has low self esteem more than likely, so trying to make her see that shes beautiful won't help. at least it doesnt when my friends try.

Plus, it's great that you want to understand her, but you really need to help her, before it is 2 late.

people get sick for different reasons i think...maybe they start off dieting or purging or whatever to look thinner and that is what the cover is, but there is something deeper behind it, some reason why your friend will see herself as ugly or fat even when she isnt...i coulndt tell you what that deeper thing is, but just know that her problem isnt just about how she looks...and no matter how much you tell her she is beautiful she wont see it...that's not to say dont tell her that, but it want change her self perception...you sound like a concerned and thoughtful friend...i'm sure it's frustrating to see your friend hurt herself and not be able to do or say something to make her see what she is doing...just continually let your friend know how much you care for her b/c of who she is (b/c she probably doesnt liek herself very much)...if she is not getting help try and convince her to, tell her what an ED can take away from her (any normal life-you cant even go out to eat normally,it consumes all your thoughts) ...and maybe let her know how YOU feel as a friend in this situation... i dont know, it's a tough predicament...please though dont take the job of making her get better upon yourself, it is her decision...i hope she gets better and i hope she appreciates your friendship

sorry, double posted

[This message has been edited by purplethoughts123 (edited 04-03-2002).]

thank you for your messages. I know the problem is deeper than justlooks. I just wanted to know what sort of feelings she is having. Talking to people like this on the net would help her as it probably is everyone. I will suggest it too her. But then I dont want to be pushy. Hopefully by reading the messages on this board from you guys I willlearn more about it all. Thank you***