Hi,

I've posted on this board before and always had great advice. I've kinda got to the desperate stage again, so am hoping somebody may have some advice.

The problem lies with my best friend. She's 19 and has anorexia. She spent 3 months in a psychiatric hospital last year and since coming out, things have got progresively worse. She went on holiday last week and came back after 2 weeks having lost a stone. She's been put on a very strict 4000 calorie a day diet and is really struggling. She phone me up this evening in the middle of dinner saying that she didn't think she could eat it and was really upset. We had a long chat and eventually she stopped putting off hanging up and going 2 finish it. She phoned back just now (about 2 hours after starting eating) to say that she had managed it, but it was really hard. I tried to sound positive and tell her that it was good, but it's really hard. I know how hard it was for her and I'm so proud of her that she coped with it - despite the struggle. I keep telling her that she should b proud of herself 4 getting thro each meal. It's a big achievement I think, that she doesn't just give up and admit defeat. The only thing is, is that she doesn't see it as a good thing still. She knows she has to eat and she knows that if she doesn't she'll end up back in hospital, but she still isn't happy after a meal that she coped with it. I don't no wot 2 say 2 her. DO I just keep encouraging her and being positive about it all? It seems 2 help - least she says it does, but I'm so scared that I'm making it worse. She's so on the edge at the moment, I'm petrified that if I say the wrong thing it'll cause a bad reaction. It's ****, cos I used 2 tell her everything and say exactly wot I was thinking, and now I'm scared that everything I say to her will be wrong.

I'm just so confused. I can't understand the illness still. I wish I could. It's been over a year that we've been going thro it and I'm still none the wiser as to how to help her. She says that by me just being there, that's all the help she could eva ask 4, but I can't help feeling that I should and MUST do more. It hurts so much 2 c her going thro such agony, yet I'm powerless 2 help. She's one of my best friends in the world and I just want 2 hug her and tell her it'll all end and everything will be ok. I do tell her that, but I don't myself believe it at the moment. She got 2 the stage before where she didn't find eating too much of a problem - but she never WANTED to eat - she just knew that she had to. Will she eva get to the stage where she WANTS to eat and doesn't have to worry about just eating for the sake of it? I guess I'm asking the impossible question. I just feel so confused and desperate to help - I just don't know how.

Any advice or anything would be brilliant.

Thanks for taking the time to read my rather jumbled and confused ramblings.

Take care of yourselves everybody,

Abs

sweetie, your post brought tears to my eyes. you are such a wonderful person, for sticking by her side, and being there for her. i know it is extremely difficult for you. i guess it kind of saddened me to read your post, because all of my friends have now "given up" on me. and that hurts more than anything. it breaks my heart, i know i'm killing myself, i've been near death a few times, but, i am trying so so hard to get better. when people give up on you though, you feel worthless, lost, alone, and then you have no reason to fight anymore. so, i guess my advice to you, is that i know this is so tough for you to watch, and go through, but the most important thing for your friend, that will help her recover, is that you will always be there for her, and never give up on her. which, you sound so sweet, and like you are ready to stand by her through it all. i know anorexia is hard to understand. unless someone goes through it, i don't think they will ever fully understand it. your friend is lucky to have you. i'm sorry that this illness is troubling both of you. i will say many prayers for you and your friend. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Hi,

Thanks so much for your response. I still feel very helpless, but perhaps feel slightly happier in the sense that I know that perhaps I am doing all I can to help her.

Something I did want to say was how hard it is for the friend's of people suffering with anorexia to know whot to do for the best. I know that many friends of the person I know with anorexia are desperately worried about her, but don't speak to her all that much because they are so afraid of making things worse. It must be hard, because it must feel that your friend's do not care or have given up. From my experience, this really is not the case. I really hope this is so for you 'hopelesslyfalling'.... I'm sure it is. There are many people out there that care for you I'm sure, but perhaps they are scared of making things worse for you.

I wish I could say something to help you more. U sound like a very strong, caring and wise person. I really believe that everybody can get through anorexia - I'm positive you are no different. It must seem like a never ending battle - but u will beat it and until u do, my thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.

Thanks http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/smile.gif

Abs