I don't understand it. Why is it so hard for people like me to talk to others, and be even slightly outgoing when it's so easy for other people? It just doesn't seem fair. I feel like I'm ready to drop out of school I'm just so ashamed of myself. I hate the way I look, the way I act, basically anything about me. One of my 'friends' wont even talk to me as she is hanging around with the popular crowd now. I'm such a loser. I can't even talk to people that I don't know well anymore and I especially can't give speeches in front of people which I will have to do a lot in my subjects this year. If I know one's coming up, I begin to really panic and worry over it. I can tell my mother is annoyed with me acting this way. She's always wondered why I couldn't just 'be more like my sister' but I just can't. I know I'm not as pretty as her; in fact, I'm not pretty at all, and she has so many friends I'm sure I'm an embarrassment even to her. What can I do? I hate having to walk around school looking down in shame every day and I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. How will I ever get a job??? I'll never be successful acting like this. I'm sorry for rambling, and if this isn't the right place to post this, I'll understand if it gets deleted. Thanks for listening.

Ashlee

Hi, Ashlee,
There is no way that you are all those bad things you think you are!
People are different, and you are not as outgoing as some, that's all. It doesn't make you a loser. Probably oyur friend is the loser, because she no longer associates with a wonderful, sensitive young woman (that's you!) People are far more sympathetic than oyu may think. When you have to speak in front of people and oyu are nervous, simply admit it to them, and proceed. They wil;l make allowances.
Perhaps interracting with peopole outside your school...an interest group or hobby group, might equip you with the confidence you need at school.
I have friends who were shy at school...a couple painfully so, and I'm happy to tell you that they are very successful people. Difficult though it sounds, try not to worry. Sit down and write a list of the things you like about yourself...force yourself to come up with a few things (you will try not to, because you are determined that you are worthless...but that's soimply not true), and think of those positive things frequently during the day, when you're tempted to feel down. Don't give in to those nasty thoughts, and hold your head up with pride next time you walk around the school. You know what? Confidence is all bluff...everyone is insecure...we just learn that we have to face the world. And you'll learn how to do that. Hang in there, and best wishes

I do feel how u do...esp with the school bit. I have absoultely no motivation to do anything really. I just seem to keep putting it off and putting it off....
Your friend can't be much of a friend if she has gone and left u for another gang. I am teling u now...they won't be n e more popular than what u r!!! It will just be an act. I really wish I could help u...but I wanted to tell you that I am here if u need to talk.

XXXXX

[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 03-24-2002).]

Thank you so much here2help and Caroline.

Here2help; I like what you said about making the speeches. Maybe I'll even try it one time. I've once had to walk out of the classroom during one of my speeches. I just couldn't do it! So maybe it WILL be easier if I let them know, although I don't think that the teachers would make any exceptions with my marks but that's just something I'll have to live with.

I already do a few sports in and out of school, but I even dropped out of those a while back because I just couldn't do it anymore. I'm back into them now, although I'm not sure I want to be. It's hard to explain, but sometimes I just feel so overcome with shyness I just want to be somewhere alone where no one can see me.

And thanks for telling me that about your friends. It actually gave me some hope. I think that one thing that terrifies me the most is wondering, when the time comes, how I am ever going to face the 'real world'.

And Caroline, thank you too, for replying. I'm sorry you feel the same way though. Maybe if you ate a little more it would get your motivation up? You obviously don't have a whole lot of energy. Good luck!

Ashlee

Ashlee, do we share the same brain? I could have written that post, except i have a brother and not a sister. Anyways, I TOTALLY understand what your saying and going through. It's hard being shy and not feeling connected to others and school is the WORST for people like us. Don't worry though, I'm just about to graduate from university and I have finally realized there is nothing wrong with me and that there are a ton of people out there who feel the same way I do. I just had to get out of my town and into a bigger pool of people to meet them. I used to want to be like everyone else and go hang out with a bunch of friends at a party or something, but i didn't have very many friends (but the few i had were great) and i didn't get told about ahy parties. Now I realize, after all these years of trying to fit in, that I don't need to be like them, in fact, I don't even like those types of people. Sure being shy makes it hard to get to know others and can make it really difficult in social situations, but it also means that the people who you do let get to know you and those that take the extra effort people like us require, are really worth it and really do like you, FOR YOU, and not for who they think you are.

Hi Essex, thank you for replying.

We obviously have a lot in common. I guess it really doesn't bother me THAT much that I don't have many friends. And just like you, the ones I DO have are great. I just find it difficult having a sister that has so many, and a mother that thinks that I should too. I'm sick of it. I'm NOT my sister and I shouldn't have to be. http://www.healthboards.com/ubb/frown.gif

Being shy makes life so difficult. We’re always the easy targets, as there's nothing we're going to do to defend ourselves. I just wish some people would get over themselves and stop taking advantage of that.

Sorry if I sound really angry, I’ve just had it.

Thanks again,
Ashlee

Hey there! You sound just like me at your age! I was exactly the same way. I was very shy when I was younger to the point that when a boy would talk to me, I would turn red in the face. I did this is class also. I think that even until the age of 21 I was the same way. When I got out on my own and made a great group of friends, that's when things started changing for me. They were full of compliments and probably the best group of friends that I ever had. I hope that you find the same thing one day....soon! You sound like a good person and I wish that your mom could read your posts because she may not know how bad it hurts you for her to compare you to your sister's amount of friends. I know that being honest is always the best thing to do. In my family if I had a problem I would sit down and say "Mom, I really think we should talk because something you do makes me sad"

Anyways, I hope you find happiness because you deserve it!

school can be really harsh. at that age we are trying to figure out who we are and where we fit and theres all this pressure around us to be perfect or to be the same as everyone else.
for me life really started when i finished school. i went traveling and had an absolute ball. made friends that fit with me totally.
when i was in yr 11 and 12 i had moved into the first stages of anorexia and then i put on weight and i struggled with mild depression. it was horrible but its all good now and ashlee i truely believe that you are more than you think you are and that you will come to realise it sooner than you think.
good luck and remember - unlike what most people say - life is not supposed to be hard and complex. its supposed to be fun and experiential.
enjoy it!!

Thanks for replying Marlz and Shan.

I guess there really are a lot of people like us, huh? I don't think I ever realised just how many... I always feel so alone with it. Anyway, I'm glad you both finally found happiness. Maybe you're right, a lot of people I know always seem to say how much their lives improved when they finished school... so much for your school years being the best years of your life. And talking about anything even SLIGHTLY personal just doesn't happen in this house, it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Not that that bothers me, I wouldn’t really want to anyway.

Ashlee

ashlee, as for talking about stuff to someone - ive found that its always good to have at least one person you can really talk to about anything. it doesnt have to be a family member.
when i become a naturopath and counsellor (which i am studying to be) you can come talk to me anytime. until then i think ive got a lot to learn even though we are always learning - no matter how old we are. lol
keep your self as healthy and happy as you can.