Hi,
I sort of stumbled across this board and would like some advice. My boyfriend of 9 years is a drug addict. He smokes weed daily (almost hourly), he takes percosets and does cocaine at least a few times a week. He drinks alcohol regularly. He misses work and is late for work regularly. He has been fired from jobs before.

I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't think he has a problem. What is everyone else's opinion?? Am I just being concerned for no reason or is this something that needs to be addressed??

Any advice is greatly appreciated :)

Leave him and forget about him, don't waste anymore of your life. Its not your fault. He has no self-will. He has chosen to ruin his life. If you stay with him, you have chosen to ruin your life also. Get out now!!!!

I agree, you need to get away so you can enjoy the rest of your life. You wil not get him sober by staying and nothing will change either. My Mom stayed with my Father who was an addict for 37 years. He just passed away in April in prison (3 strikes law striked him out for life) he served 7 years and if he did not go to prison 7 years ago I probally would not have had the last years of his life to really get to know him as a sober human being. I have never really known this of my father, he has ALWAYS put me and my poor mom through his horrifying addiction. He broke into our house and stole our tv and my moms only money, he had 3 long term prison sentences throughout my life (which takes its toll on a little girl that is starving for male attention) , a constant battle between my mom and dad (cause she STAYED!) This really affected me and is probally one of the root reasons I started to abuse drugs. The saddest part of all of it though is when I was in the delivery room about to have my daughter and the Drs asked me who I wanted to stay while I pushed her out and I hesitated because my father was nodding out in the chair (As he did my whole life) and some driving force made me say I want my father in the room, even though I was a little embarrassed (You are completely exposed when you have a baby) I let him stay and you know what? He got a life sentence 1 month later! He got to see his granddaughter be born before he went to prison, and do you know that he stayed alive for the next 7 years because of her! It gave me the opportunity to really get to know my father for who he really was and I cherish and hold on to those years like you would not believe! The reason I am telling you this story is because this is the kind of life you live when you enable, support, and stay with an addict. It affects EVERYONE around them, and what kind of life is that? You either end up DEAD or IN PRISON from drugs. Please get away while you can. No one deserves to be second to some f@@@@d up drugs. If you feel bad for him (like enablers do) just know that he will be just fine, addicts are extremely good at manipulation and will find a way to stay high and survive. SO please dont feel guilty, you should feel guilty about ruining your chance at a nice and peaceful life. I hope I gave you some insight. Take care and make the right decision.

mara:wave:

Very good advice!!!!! Coming from someone who lived it, you gave excellent advice.............

Thank you so much for your advice.

You are right when you say they are good at manipulation. When we are together and things are "good" he stays away from that lifestyle. But he has always slipped back. He can tell me he's clean but how am I to really know?? He is good at lying and hiding it.

I recently found out he is dealing cocaine with another one of his so-called "buddy". He never seems to have any money and owes me quite a bit (I'm actually embarrased to say how much).

And when you say I come second, YOU ARE SO RIGHT!! Everything else is more important.

But why can't I just pick up and leave?? I recently moved out into my own place but I hate being without him.......I've racked my brain and don't know why.......

Sorry, I'm just having a venting moment...thanks again for the advice.

Buy a drug test at the drug store and test him. If he refuses to take it, then you'll know darlin.....you are as strong as your actions. If you stay with him, get ready for a bumpy ride, lies, wasted money, and no future happiness. Your choice....and his............good luck.........:angel:

You feel like you can't leave him because that is all you know for the past 9 years. You have to get a suport system, make a plan and just wait to adjust. Adjusting will be the hardest part, but if you just write down and remind yourself daily of all the bad,horrible things he has done and just keep those negative thoughts in your mind. It is almost like an addiction to him and the madness. No one can ever be happy in a relationship with an addict that denys his addiction becuase he will never get help and therefore you will live a life of pure hell. Make yourself REALLY busy and that helps alot. Get out while you still can. talk to you soon. mara

You are just used to him is all. Brake up with him and tell him if he ever gets it together and changes his life get in touch with you. The best remedy for a brake up and missing someone is to find a rebound person. Anyone you are slightly attracted to? ask them on a date. i know it is not the most healthy thing to do but it usually does the trick. it will take your mind off him. Call up some old girlfriends and go out and have some fun for yourself. you deserve it.

Boyfriend troubles,

I am curious to see what happen with your boyfriend. Not seeing you on the boards worries me that you took him back. I hope everything is ok and I wish you the best.

mara:angel:

Hi,
No I'm still here :)
My boyfriend is oiut of town working for a few weeks so it's giving me some good time to think. Jessy is right - I'm just used to him and I guess I'm used to his ways. He is all I've had for 9 years and all I've known. I do have a great support system. I guess you could say I'm scared of the unknown. I hve faith in him that he can be clean and he has shown that to me in the past (although he has always gone back). I don't know what to do.....I'm just spending some time thinking. I have been reading all of your replies and I thank you soooo much......it helps more than you know :)

oxoxox

Good, I am glad to help. Yah, you are used to him and this time is good. I heard something that made me think of you, someone said that He's addicted to drugs and you are addicted to him. So as hard as it is for him to stay clean it is equally as hard for you to stay away from him. Good luck to you and I hope you make the right choice. take care xoxoxoxoxox back at ya

mara

Hi,
I sort of stumbled across this board and would like some advice. My boyfriend of 9 years is a drug addict. He smokes weed daily (almost hourly), he takes percosets and does cocaine at least a few times a week. He drinks alcohol regularly. He misses work and is late for work regularly. He has been fired from jobs before.

I have tried to talk to him but he doesn't think he has a problem. What is everyone else's opinion?? Am I just being concerned for no reason or is this something that needs to be addressed??

Any advice is greatly appreciated :)

I lived with my drug addicted partner for over a year. It got to a point where i had to leave although i still cared a lot. That person is now in prison for dealing AGAIN. they brought me down with them and i we were both stuck in a rut. They were very self obsorbed and nothing else comes before getting what they want (drugs) and making a sale etc...not even you. Trust me, don't put yourself through it. He will only drag you down. No matter how much you love him etc drugs will always come first and it will ruin what you have, if it hasn't already.
Please don't put yourself through this. There are plenty of good people out there, go get one! :)