My son is MIA again. It has become a weekend habit. Disappears after Friday night work and doesn't show up until Sunday. His phone goes right to voicemail when he does this. Works two jobs (FT and PT) all week and then screws up on the weekend.

He is going to tell me he hung out with some friends this weekend and why am I being so nosey. Duh, I know he hung out with friends this weekend but I know he is using drugs too. Why else would you shut your phone off and disappear for days?

How/why does an addict keep his act together all week and then binge on the weekends?

Last drug test results came back positive for methadone (we tested him two weeks ago). Methadone is supposed to be more addictive than herion! Out of curiosity does anyone know the cost of this and how much a person would use over the weekend. I am trying to figure out how much money he is throwing away.

And does anyone know, he has been sick with a cold/allergies for weeks now. Stuffy/runny nose, congested, isn't this a side effect of using methadone?

So sick of this cycle!

I think the pills go for around 20-30 dollars depending on strength and the runny stuffy nose could be if he is snorting them also common in cocaine users. I dont know why he does this I think because they think they earned it cause they sat home all week and worked. Its kinda like going out after work on Friday after a long week. Sorry to hear this. THinking of you. Kim

Been right where you are. And I can't explain it. They stay away from home cause they know we're watching and we have wised up to their actions. They can't be around us......I feel your pain. Cause I'm going through it too......

Still here,time off is next friday,cram i here of many professionals who can do drugs this way,thier habit is weekends,my daughters is 24/7 and cant function,drugs are evil but it could be and may get worse.The sniffing etc.was always a sign of w/ds with daughter and if he is using weekends the first couple of days afterwards he is in w/d.take note is it only the first couple of days and does it get better as the week goes on.He maybe able to continue like this for years=we call them functioning addicts-but it may progress to a daily habit,bit like alcohol eventually you need more and more.
God help us all,when will it end.sadmum

Flintrock, you hit the nail on the head. Why come home, they know one look at them and we would have all the answers.

He was supposed to come home last night. I have been depressed all day. Depressed because we are hurling towards what we went through before rehab. I told my husband (who is losing sleep over this) that we can't do this anymore. It's sucking the life out of us.

I know he will call tomorrow to see what time he should be home to go hiking with us and what am I cooking for dinner. Today though I don't know if he is alive or dead.

He needs to rent a room, I have been checking the internet for options and they are out there. I need to take control back of my life.

Kim, everyone deserves down time and I agree he feels he busted his butt all week and deserves his weekends but not at the expense of my health and that is exactly how I am going to explain it to him.

Thanks, you are good friends. I don't feel down anymore I just feel tired. It is so good to be able to talk to people who don't judge.

Yes, you get drained. We worry when we dont hear. They can't even call and say, hey mom, won't be home tonight. See you tomorrow....or Sunday, or whenever.........but they won't. they don't care or think when in this condition. Mine will have to call soon, he needs his winter clothes....and they are here. but he'll have to come when we're here...he doesn't have a key...and we lock all doors........he can't come here when we're not home....sad, but true.

I hope cram your son is not like my daughter because when on drugs the least of her worries is my health and wellbeing,i look ok,function ok so short of having a heart attack im ok,just nagging.when i finally realised this i got tougher and realised that no amount of worrying and hair pulling would change the situation,only she could do that,doesnt stop me worrying but i dont work myself up to a frenzy just think-well she survived up until now-and there are 1001 dangers out there and i dont woory about them.You must do what makes you feel best,whatever that is,for me its not throwing her out-altho shes not at home now,her choice-i just feel guilt when i have done that,i feel better with contact,no enabling tho.Has taken me 3 yrs to get to this position and when i used to say to hubby-she has to go- he would say-why ?you are worse then-and i realized he was right.If she was trashing the house stealing from me-i dont give her the chance-then it would be different.Get to a place that is best for you.sadmum

Flintrock, see, that's it, I am drained. Before rehab I finally got to the point where I had enough. Summer was peaceful, my guard went down. Now I am pre-I had enough and it isn't a pretty place. Daily, I am in and out of focus.

I hope your son contacts you soon. My son also doesn't have a key. We are supposed to go away at the end of this month. I don't know how I am going to enjoy myself worrying that my son is killing himself somewhere.

If I were you I would hold on to something he is going to need for winter and say it is packed in the boxes, so he has to contact you again.

Sadmum, did you go away? We would all feel better with contact. I still haven't heard from son and I should have by now. I am happy that your daughter is contacting you. Your husband has a valid point, this must be killing him also.

I have to contact his dad and let him know what is going on.

I think we have to get to a point of almost not caring...to guard ourselves from so much worry and hurt. I am nothing like I used to be when all this started...about his age 16....it was always something with him. School, wrecked cars, lying, smoking.....always something. Now this. My hubby keeps saying he will grow up someday. I sure hope so. I just want him to mature into the man I raised him to be. He's been such a disappointment, but that can change if he wants it to. We are always here for him. He always has a home to come home to. But we will NOT tolerate the drug use. And we have stuck to our guns on that one. We used to say, where on earth did we go wrong. I don't think we did now. We were good parents are still are. He hung with the wrong people and dislikes himself so much that he can't get ahead. He doesn't thinnk for he acts, even when not on drugs.

It will take us a long time to trust him again. Once that trust is gone, you have a hard time caring so much. Doesn't mean we don't love him, cause oh we do!!! But he can't take us down with him. We have worked too long and hard and are too old to be put through any more. We have really gotten a little numb to him. Everytime something happens, we say oh what now. used to say, Oh no, what are we gonna do??? Now, we just roll our eyes, and say, what has he done now. It's very sad place to be, but he put us there. Some people do grow up, and I hope my husband is right, someday he will. But he sure has a long way to go. And I hope and pray he doesn't run his life in the process. He is making his future right now.

Keep the faith, and we'lll stick together...it sure does help when you have people who know exactly what you're going through.....and we do!!!

Hugs!!!!!

Pam:p

It's difficult being a parent of an addict and I admire all of you for your love and courage.I've been an addict for 26 years now with the last 4 being controlled with methadone.Both my mom and dad were addicted to codeine.My mom died from drug use and up until 5 years ago my dad used codeine daily.He now has quit the pills but has gone back to drinking daily so you can't win.I know when I was growing up both my mom and dad hid their addictions from each other but really both of them weren't fooling me or themselves for that matter.They would constantly lie about everything and my mom especially developed a very nasty attitude as she became more addicted and depressed.So I understand what it's like to watch people you love destroy themselves right in front of you.I lost count the number of times I sat down with my mom and dad and told them that everyone knew they were abusing codeine and that they looked like hell ect.Time and time again they lied to us about not taking anything but we knew.You just have to let nature take it's course so to speak after you have tried everything else.Hopefully these people will be able to kick their addictions some day or at least control them like I do.Well this is to long and I'm rambling,sorry,have a good day everyone......Dave:)

Appreciate your input. I wish I could figure out what it is that my son is so unhappy about. As we all know, addictions come from within. I know he has issues and have tried to get him in counseling..lasted 2 sessions...prayer is the only thing I have and I know the Lord can do what it takes to bring my son back....so that's what I trust in. I am so sorry you had to grow up like that. I can't imagine....but oh yes I guess I can...lol

MPVT, I am a child from a dysfuntional family, my father was a functioning alcoholic and a gambler, I feel for you (and by the way my father would never admit to having either problem, he thinks he hides them). Fortunately not me or my siblings grew up to be addicts or alcoholics. My son however has the gene and one of my sisters married a man who is an alcoholic.

Flintrock/Sadmum curious, was your child ever diagnosed w/ADHD? Are they followers or a leaders? Suffer from anxiety or depression?

I am just trying to compare, why who knows. When son was younger he was diagnosed with ADD (now ADHD), which they say they are more prone to drug abuse. In in HS days he had gone to anger mangement classes (which I had no idea he even had a problem with but obviously he was very angry out of the house) and had bouts with anxiety, depression, migranes.

Oh update, my son has been sleeping on the back porch for the past 1 1/2 hours. He has no idea I am home. He has no key to get in. He looks cold but I am not telling him I am here until he figures it out himself. Guess I am re-growing some thick skin. We took pictures and sent them by email to his dad, I asked his dad for help and told him everything.

You know you might be on to something. They are now starting to do research on this stuff. Like did your child seem to be a loner, or have add, or not alot of self esteem, friends, needing to fit in, or just looking to feel different like not themselves cause they werent happy. Then the drugs made them feel different like not themselves and not so self consious (sp) not the lonely sad depression they felt before the drugs. Do any of you have more than one child one who is an addict and one who isnt. They grew up in the same house with the same enviroment yet very different. You might notice a strong difference between the 2 kids. This is something to look into. Also genes play a part too. This is something that needs to be looked into more. Kim

Cram please sign end of post,am in bad menopause or anxiety,symptoms are the same and i become confused so easily,worse with no ciggies,daughter was a model child,still is without drugs,situation very complex,but i know she has issues with self worth,addiction runs in my family,alcohol but then drugs wernt readily available.are you ok with him on back porch,go with instinct,i am a big softie and would cave in but then again i am having no success,if you can be tough be tough but not so that it makes you feel bad,we are trying hard to do what makes us feel better,i once beat my daughter up,never fought in my life and cant believe i did that but it sure did make me feel better,probably made situation worse,but i felt better because while i was hitting her i also poured out all the things she was doing to us as a family,only another mother understands,we need kim here for an addicts input,love and hugs and millions of sympathy,sadmum

Yep, my son was ADD...also has anger issues...not sure where those came from. Was a very spoiled child and only child till he was 6.........we spoiled him rotten. He was very smart in preschool. pretty boy...never has much to offer others...always self absorbed....I guess we made him that way. No compassion for others...always boasting...nothing to boast about...trying to make himself seem better than he is...we all see through it........full of BS....so the issues are there....trouble in school since 1st grade....grades were ok but had t work hard....now he can't seem to keep a job or friends...must be a very lonely feeling. so, there's my story.........

Pam

Frightening Flintrock but your son sounds like my youngest,nearly 13,we hope this will warn him from drugs but then again if he wants attention what better way to get it,his sister did,so hard being a parent,sure mine didnt have this problem,sign of the times ?,sadmum

I am pondering over our posts and thinking of addiction as i know it and there is every chance our kids didnt want to be addicts.I have smoked for nearly 30yrs and 15 yrs ago i only smoked 10 a day and it took me another 15yr to increase to 20,but class a drugs seems to escalate much ,i never thought of addiction when i started smoking,our kids could have been looking for escapism or just a high-i always loved to party when i was younger-but they could never in thier wildest dreams have believed it bring them to this.We are talking nasty dirty highly addictive drugs,is this an illness,i know they can only help themselves but do we need to remain compassionate without enabling,input from recovering addicts would be most welcome,sadmum

yes it is frightening. My dad was an alcoholic. Was very mean when he drank. Son doesn't drink much at all. Unless he's doing the xanax, then he will drink or smoke weed to enhance the xanax. he remembers nothing afterwards. While he was growing up he was never around alcohol or drugs. Had a great childhood...just spoiled...that's what made him so selfish I suppose. But I was very poor growing up and just wanted mine to have all I didn't. Guess that was a mistake. Youngest son, 16, is the total opposite. Doesn't take much to make him happy. He's the most honest person I've ever met. He has a soft heart for others...always concerned.....and worries about others....tells me and his dad he loves us....3-4 times a day....We raised them the same, but 16 yr old wasn't as spoiled...he won't take money from us unless he's earned it, mow yard, work aroud house...very refreshing. he is not ADD........

SadMum, I hea ryou when you say you're a softie...I used to be...but it got me nowhere...didn't help me ro my son. I've always been the strict one..hubby was the easy one. But when it comes to my son's health and his living or dying..I can't be soft. I've seen the personality change that xanax does to him. I've seen him so messed up that he's curled up on the floor and doesn't realize where he is. I've had him be in a stupor and try to light the fireplace and turn the gas on full blast and almost blow us all to high heaven......I can't sit back and tolerate this behavior. So I don't. he can come home anytime.......but under the condition of no drugs........I think him knowing that I expect high things from him, makes him accountable...or what to be accountable....he knows I want the best for him and I do....but I won't watch him kill himself......I can't....so toughness and highe expectations have to take over....I've seen him at his best...and when he is there, he thanks me...and loves me for it. He has told me many things while he is straight and sober...he has poured out his heart in truth.....so I know what's in his heart.....sometimes better than he does....we love our children so much it hurts...it really does...:p

Ah Flintrock we live paralell lives im living the same nightmare and when i listen to you its me talking,wish when the need takes me we could hold hands and cry together and when we feel strong we could laugh together,addiction isolates you so much,pointless talking to our friends who dont understand,but at the same time im pleased they dont understand because then they are not going thru this,take care wonderful lady and look to the future when we are giving advice to others because our nightmare is over,karyn

I was thinking as I was reading your posts, our children are similiar, even from the begining. That got me thinking about their drug friends and their similiarities. That is what forms their circle. Kind of like misfits that belong somewhere when they are together.

I spoiled my son too. I loved giving to him. I have two children. An older daughter, not a drug user, she went through a drinking phase only. The addiction gene missed her.

I don't believe they want to be addicts either and we should start a post and ask that exact question to recovering addicts. But how would we word it, Sadmum you are good at that.;)

Thinking back he didn't change at 17, I only noticed the change then, he started changing around 16.

I find this looking back is helping me understand things, is it helping you?

Son finally woke up and came in. He was in good spirits, just a little off. I now know he would come wasted, interesting, he is thinking. I told him I told his dad the truth, he didn't believe me, until his cell phone started ringing. He didn't answer it but eventually he is going to have to. My ex can provide some scare into him, that I cannot provide.

You can count on my prayers tonight, I say them everynight for everyone on these boards and their families. Good night all, Cram315

You know, that is soooo true. The people my son hung out with...are the ones that were lacking something in their lives...in their families...in their souls...a couple of the boys were so sweet and handsome. Everyone knew when they came to my house, and only a couple were allowed..the ones that fooled me, that I would be ready to feed them. (we didn't have a lot of food growing up) and I tend to want to feed everyone.......LOL...my son would laugh and say, she's gonna try and feed you, might as well eat...but little did he know why I do this...The nice friends he had just dwindled away...they didn't like his other friends either.......

I'm not really sure about this and pardon me for barging in on this one. When I was in high school some people looked at me like scum cause in their mind I was a druggie. Yeah I did smoke pot now and then but never liked it. My mom hated ALL my friends but a few she was absolutly positve they were my bad influence. Guess what she was wrong it was the ones she like the ones that made honor roll the ones that dressed nice and she thought they came from something better than my "other" friends. Those were the ones I would get high with and drink with. While the ones she hated now own homes have kids hold jobs married no drinking smoking or anything. The ones she loved I dont even speak to cause of the drugs they chose to do. Cocaine and pot and drinking all the time. I hate street drugs. I know I sound like a hypocrate and yes I am, I dont think my addiction is any better than anyones else. I never knew I would become addicted to pain pills, but I had a suspision I might like other drugs if I tried them. I guess there is a stigma between street drugs and pills. I didnt go seeking them I didnt find them in the street I never lost anything, I got them legit from my Dr. I was very popular growing up I was voted class clown but on the other side maybe I was insecure about things and I used humor to save me a few times and people like me cause I was the funny one to be around. So I can see a connection but I dont think I was running from anything. Then again I dont know I'm not very good at self nit picking (couldnt think of the right word). Plus I did like the way the pills made me feel never in a thousand years did I think things would get to where I couldnt control them. I think every addict thinks like that. Lay in bed with a moment of clarity and say tomorrow will be different I'm not going to use, I'm going to stop! Boom and like a habit you wake up and take drugs and hate yourself again lying in bed that night. Its horrible and somedays you feel its your destiny and you cant do anything about it. Yes its a disease but its a disease with a cure and I can cure it. I'm sure people with other diseases (aids, cancer, parkinsons) would kill for a cure. We can cure our addictions its NEVER gone but I can control. Kim