The bad news is that I'm going absolutely NUTS!

After a slight scare with W/Ds a few weeks previous, spent the last week of drinking tapering off. The W/Ds this time were pretty much a non-event, as they usually are.

The problem is that I'm in my apartment w/ nothing to do and every ounce of my being is screaming at me to GO GET DRUNK! This has always been the hardest part by far of quitting drinking for me. And the worst part is that it can come back at any time...even after 2.5 years once.

I really want to quit...everyone knows I "shouldn't" drink, so I'm basically lying to family and friends about it. Plus, my use has escalated to the point where I'm spending most of my meager funds on it and am deep in debt. The only way out of it is sobriety, or if I continue, I'll have to economize by staying out of the bars and just drinking the cheapest gallon vodka I can find.

Really want to hear how to get through this...I'm getting through w/ clenched teeth for now but can't maintain that indefinately. I have done the AA thing with some success (the 2.5 years previously mentioned) but currently am quite angry with God. Is it neccessary to be a hypocrite to save my butt?

Congradulations on the 4 days, that is a long time in our world. You just listed all the reasons you need to remember to stay sober. My husbands Dad died from alcoholism 2 years ago, and not only did he die he died alone in mexico so he could afford to drink excessively. None of his family wanted anything to do with him because none of us could handle his alcohol abuse. He drank a fifth of vodka everyday all day, and my husband remembers peeking in on the kitchen in the middle of the night to see his dads hands shaking so badly while he is downing vodka down his throat that the bottle was banging on his teeth. He also remembers ALWAYS having 2 huge bottles of vodka in the fridge at all times. He remembers chopping chalk into lines at the age of 6. These are his childhood memories because of his fathers abuse of alcohol. He died of liver cancer and sclerosis alone in mexico. How sad, so please keep going and dont ever look back. These boards are amazing! Look for Marilyn she is recovering from alcohol. Everything happens for a reason.
mara