i'm an addict. i went through treatment 3 yrs ago when i was hooked on xanax..was clean for about 18 months...then i started over using ambien and have had a horrible time getting off everything..i'm just plain sad and scared now...i';m on a LOA from work because my depression got really bad. i feel old and broken and i don't know how to fix me...maybe it's not even possible.
that's all for now....just wanted to sign in...hope someone out there can help somehow.....peace

Well I am glad you are here now. You are probally feeling that way because of the pills, they put me into a severe depression when I kicked them. How many ambien do you take a night? Are you still using them? You know more than I do what a better life it is without pills! I am only 13 days sober and you have had 18 months so you know you can do it. Just look how bad they really are, you were in a low in your life and there are many lows in life you just have to face them head on and make the situation better. These boards really help there is always someone with advice and encouragement. Maybe try going for a walk to realease, or go visit a friend so you are not alone. Being alone makes depression worse and digs you deeper into a hole. Wish you luck and take care.

mara:wave:

Hey Peace

I hope that your situationa at work improves, and more importantly I hope that your depression gets better! I just started Lexapro! Have you taken anything like that?

This is my very first time to post anything on a board! I am definitely nervous about posting on here! I am 26 years old; I have never admitted a problem to anyone, except to myself. I take about 20-30 lortabs a day....this has been going on since I had surgery 2 years ago. I am so ready to quit but dont know how or when I can take the time to do so. I work part time, take 18 hours at school, and raise my 3 year old by myself..... in addition to this my fiance is a pyysician...he has NOOO clue. He has found a couple here and there and he thinks that just the "couple" is horrible. If he knew the truth, I am pretty sure our relationship would be in serious jeopardy!

I have got to end this! I have a great life, except for the HUGE secret I am hiding from everyone. I take Soma, methadone (when I cant find any lortab), and thats about it.

I guess I just wanted to say hello...and try to open up to someone about the truth.

This is my first post as well, but I already feel so relieved. I take about 20 a day myself. I work 50 hours a week and have a 3 year old. My problem is different in that my husband has the same problem. I'm ready to stop, but I'm very scared. Someone told me that my brain is rewired now and doesn't know how to send "happy" signals without the hydrocodone. Will I ever be happy again? I can't do this for much longer. The expense, the guilt, and the fear of quitting have to stop. I know I'll have to face my fear to actually get better, but I can't stop my life for 2 weeks in order to do that. I'm so confused and just need some advice. I ran out for one night and half a day a few weeks ago and I've never felt worse in my life. I was up all night. I was sweating, nauseated, aches all over, and trying to chase a 3 year old. I would love any advice, and would even be willing to do this along with someone on this board for support. My husband works nights so I couldn't go to any sort of meeting because of no childcare after work. I'd love to hear from anyone.

hi everyone who wrote me,

thank you for your words and the hearts that are behind the words...i am poly addicted which just means that i have misused a whole bunch of different drugs...all i did was to switch from one drug to another and abused each until i almost killed myself....doctors can't tell me how i even survived..

the one thing i want to tell everyone is don't just switch to another addicting drug to get off the one you're on...that is what happened to me and it sucks....now i can't take pain meds, xanax, or any other benzos...then next came ambien for sleep....surprisingly the only thing i'm not addicted to is alcohol...thank you god...

if i can survive and recover, anyone can....i am so pathetic i can't stand myself anymore...

so continue the fight for it is truly for your very life that you are waging war with these drugs.

thanks again everyone........peace

Peace you survived and recoverd once and you can do it again,remember all the things you put into practice last time well maybe you had to come here to share with all the people who are answering your post,come on girls you can do it,together-Tony if you had serious illness you could be off work for months-HH docs are supposed to be the caring profession and he should understand addiction,dont short change him until you know he wouldnt be supportive,and if he isnt well hes not worthy of you,good luck to you all,sadmum

Cany anyone tell me why you go back to xanax after going thru the horrific withdrawals? Son has done it 3 times...this time I am not sure where he is and what he's doing.................plese explain to me why????????????

hi flintrock,

i can only say what is true for me....i have gone back to xanax after several withdrawls because to be numb and unfeeling is so much better than trying to live in the real world...something in his world is so awful and hard for him that he turns to the only relief that he knows....just think of your worst day and then think of living it over and over and over....pretty soon you forget about the withdrawls because you just need relief and you need it NOW.

what is at the root of his addiction may not even seem that big a deal to you, but i also remember as a teenager thinking that the world was ending and to look back on it now i can actually laugh at myself... what i percieved was out of proportion to what really was, but you could not have told me that back then...

but there is hope, if i can get off xanax and stay off it, anyone can....i actually was so addicted that i had seizures when i came off that crap. i live alone and could easily have died...just make sure that when he decides to try it again, it is medically supervised for his own safety.

don't know what else to say so i'll quit....keep the faith,, peace:bouncing:

Tony,

I'm very glad you found this board. This is the BEST place I've found for support. I'm reaching out to you because I was/am in the same shape you are (addicted to painkillers). Fortunately, (for the umpteenth time) I have gotten myself off of them. Sept. 23rd was Day 1. Relapsed for one day on Oct 2nd, but have had none since.

Click on my name and you can read my story (kind of long) but might be good for you to read, if you want to. I'm here to talk most anytime of the day...I patrol these boards a lot! It's my rock, along with my husband (who is a recovering alcoholic, with over 1 yr sober). So I know all too well the nature of addiction!

I'd love to help you any way I can. JUST DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST PILL!!! Sign on and post like crazy, or call someone...ANYONE.

God Speed to you. :wave: