We met when we were in highschool, went to the prom, had to keep track of our parents curfiews and make sure your make up was put on right when I drove you back home. The endless nights on the phone talking about our future together. We got married after graduation, 1986 and had 2 beautiful children together. We were best friends first, and husband and Wife 2nd.
I got a job to support us, and we left the safety of our parents homes and eloped, and moved to the bigger city where I could make more money.
We were always broke, were happy when we could eat out once a month. As my career took off and took me more away from you and the kids, we ended up getting divorced......after 18 years. Although the decision was yours, I understood and we made a clean break with you keeping primary custody of the kids and I held joint custody. You went out on your own with little experience in dealing with life, and I was always afraid for you. I was afraid because I knew you didnt like to drive on the highways, you always depended on me to be your voice of reason and without me, I was afraid you would be in danger.
I couldnt have been more right, when on 4/28/06 you were talked into getting on the back of a motorcycle by your new boyfriend, and you were killed instantly when someone turning into a 7-11 didnt see you both coming.
I knew you hated motorcycles, it was a motorcycle that took the life of your brother when you were so young. You always forbid me to own one. You put your trust into this moment, a whim, a carefree moment of time.
When the funeral home gave me your personal items, your receipt from the ice cream store was in your pocket along with 6 dollars. You just went down the street to get ice cream, left our babies at home and never came back.
Today I have them back home where they belong, we grieve for you, we dream about you every night, and we come to see your grave every week.
I had 2 years of living alone to get ready for this. I never thougth I would be MOM AND DAD to our babies, but somehow god has given me strength to carry on where WE left off. Sometimes when the kids bring home good grades, I just want to call you and brag on them, but there is nobody home.
I still have your voicemails on my cellphone, our 18 christmases together on my computer hard drive, and I have the closest thing I will ever have next to having you here.....our children.
I love you Adrienne. I miss you and I never, ever was mad that you wanted to see what life was like outside of marriage before you turned 40.
Either way, our first Christmas apart will be in a few months, and our Daughter will be graduating High School in a few years. I always dreamt we would do those things together. How it will hurt when I have to appreciate those moments for BOTH of us, when only ONE of us is there to see it.
God bless, honey, I truly miss you.

D@N******God bless you. i am so sorry for your loss. i had to read your post several times before i could answer. my 21 year old daughter died in a tragic car accident after going to help a friend in need. her husband was 25 and they were only married 10 months. childhood sweethearts at the top of the world. planning a family, their careers were in the workings. when i read your words i still feel my son-in-laws pain 9 years later. You will always love her.I wish you peace and the strenghth always to be Mom and Dad. God watch over all of you. what a beautiful tribute.

D@N---That was beautiful! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Peace,Cheri:angel:

D@N******God bless you. i am so sorry for your loss. i had to read your post several times before i could answer. my 21 year old daughter died in a tragic car accident after going to help a friend in need. her husband was 25 and they were only married 10 months. childhood sweethearts at the top of the world. planning a family, their careers were in the workings. when i read your words i still feel my son-in-laws pain 9 years later. You will always love her.I wish you peace and the strenghth always to be Mom and Dad. God watch over all of you. what a beautiful tribute.

I appreciate your blessings and you have my condolences as well.
I cannot fathom the loss of a child, especially now. The best part of my healing is when I look at whats happened since the death of my loved one, and considering I now have my children back home in a stable environment, everything that was taken when she moved out is now home, and the Social Security payments for my kids have allowed me to take a step down at my job, take a lesser position and spend more time with them, something I wish I could have done with ALL my family. If I had been able to do that, the divorce may never have happened.
I tell my children that one day they will reflect on their lives as an adult and it will finally dawn on them that everything happened for a reason. When they are 30 years old, they will understand that her death brought on change that was mandatory for their future. They will look back and realise their lives couldnt have worked out any other way.
The real tough part is when you get comfortable with your new outlook on life without the loved one, for some reason, out of thin air, reality sets in that they are gone, forever and never to return. This cycle seems to repeat endlessly. Watching the kids stand at her grave is something I cannot get used to and going to the cemetary absolutely kills me inside.
I usually wear sunglasses so they dont see tears. I dont want them to know how bad i am grieving. It will cause them to be weary of leaning on my shoulders in fear that mentioning her death will upset me. So I have to grieve in private, away from them. I have to appear strong and be the person they can lean on, although they have caught me more than once shedding a tear. They have no doubt how much I truly loved their mother.

D@N---That was beautiful! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Peace,Cheri:angel:
Thank you, Cheri.

D@N-----thank you so much for your beautiful words. you must be a wonderful human being. like a breath of fresh air. your children are very lucky to have you as thier parent. i agree with all you say of when they grow up they will understand why their Mom had to left. my concern for you ar this point and i if i were in your shoes would do the same is grieving alone. i spent the better part of 9 years worrying more about my other two daughters and my son-in-law that i got lost in the process. i was strong, continued to work and comfort all those who love my daughter. when it finally hit me i neerly lost my mind. i am now in my own stages of grief all these years later. is it easier? in some ways since time has passed but you'll notice at times the pain is as bad as it was from day one and other times you have such wonderful memorites that you can enjoy with people closest to you. you and your family will be in my prayers. if you need to talk i have a strong shoulder and will check from time to time to see how you're doing. always remember there are no right or wrong ways to grieve. it is each individual's right to grieve in whatever way is best for them.:)

That was so sad. I'm terribly sorry for your Loss Dan. :(

Reading your story was so sad, You can tell you are a caring man.
You tell your story so well, I know your children will make you so proud!!

God Bless you D@n ...Mandy

Reading your story was so sad, You can tell you are a caring man.
You tell your story so well, I know your children will make you so proud!!

God Bless you D@n ...Mandy
Wow, I didnt notice the thread carried on to a second page.
Sorry I havent responded to anyone.
ICC, you are right, sometimes I do feel very alone. While helping the kids deal with the grief, I never have time for my own. I keep it bottled up. There is just too much going on with them for me to feel open about showing emtions.
My daughter had a verbal confrontation with her mom just before she left, and they never got to reconcile. I dont have to tell you what that has led up to...just alot of guilt on her part. I have used everything in my arsenal to buffer that, but I fall short, and as time has progressed she has come to use her guilt as a defense for falling short in school. My true and honest response to her is that the world will NOT care about all this when she is trying to get a job.
My son has been superhuman at the age of 12 and I dont know where he gets it from, but he worries me. At least with my daughter, I know whats on her mind and where she is coming from, but with my son, I have no clue. He expresses nothing, unless we go to her grave, but other than that, he stays the course and acts like nothing has happened.
I know he tries his best to emmulate me alot, so it could be that he doesnt want to show any weakness because I havent been able to.
I am just glad I put so much money back before all this happened. I have been able to shop for them for Xmas and I went out of the way to decorate the house 10 times more than we used to,.....hopefully distracting them from the pain of the up and coming holidays.
So in short, my daughter has turned into a rebel..hell bent on punishing herself, and my son is cold as wax.
I'll get through it. I have patience on loan from god.
:angel:

D@N-amazing how kids are able to show their feelings in their own ways! I remember when my mom passed away in July how one of my nephews-heart broke and he felt guilty that he hadn't given mom a updated school photo-so he asked my sister if it'd be ok if he took a recent picture to her gravesite and put it under the grass. She explained it'd disolve after time-he understood. I think it was his way of getting a photo to her. I think it's great on how you've decorated for xmas! I haven't done too much-nobody comes to visit me @ my home-so I didn't put too much out this year. My family will be getting togetherthis Sat. so the kids can get their gifts-but doesn't sound like anyone wants to get together on Christmas...Seems like the spirit is gone with mom. How'd you get that loan from god? cherie

God Bless You D@n!!!! Your story brought me back to this board!!!
Hang in there and be strong.
TC

D@N------i haven't checked here in awhile so am sorry i didn't see your last post. children are amazing and when it comes to death they sometimes pick up another personality. I like your daughter had so much guilt in that i was the parent and why didn't/couldn't i prevent this. I had to call my daughter for a reason the night she died but didn't since i was exhausted and it wasn't important enough that it couldn't wait until the next day. she died that night so the next day never came. I have done all the would have, should have, could haves that you can imagine. They get you no where. the last time i saw my daughter was 2 days before she passed and her husband and i were picking on her in a fun way but she got annoyed at both of us. so yousee my last words with my daughter she was annoyed with me. I have spent years thinking about whether or not I was a good parent and if i ever did anything to hurt her or neglect her. I have driven myself mad with the thoughts. Having been dx with PTSD for multiple reasons, my daughter's death bringing it out I have gone back into therapy again recently and my counselor told me i was in a very bad place as i had bonded with my daughter at the time of her death and was living in 2 worlds, hers and mine. I still disassociate as I did the night I was told she was dead. can still see myself on the other side of the room watching myself on the phone. everyone grieves differently and for different reasons. it will be 10 years for me this august and I am still not of healthy mind and heart. I hope o someday be able to live a happy, healthy , peaceful life and be able to keep the wonderful memories of my daughter in my heart. God bless you and your children. you are a good parent and someday they will know how lucky they are to have you.

God bless,
ICC:)

ICC,
Thanks for sharing more of your situation.
Wow! 9 years and the progress just inches ahead, bit by bit. I cannot imagine the loss of one of my kids. Losing a soul mate is devastating, even when she went her own way, but to lose a child I cannot imagine the feeling.
Adrienne often talked about death. It scared her, and her going into the subject depressed me, and I often shut the convo down, or changed the subject. She always got enough in, that she conveyed her final wishes, (cremation) and told me of her fears of being embalmed and buried. Also on our path to her loss, we refinanced our house, making the housepayment about half of what it was. We did many things unknowingly preparing me financially, emotionally and even making her funeral arrangements.....all done years before she actually died. I look back, I see how things played out, I see how life was preparing for this moment, and I understand now that the things we say and do, lead to the future, and prepare for whats ahead.
This was the first time I have lost someone so close. Up until then, I never feared death that much, I figure its something that always happens to those black and white faces in the obit section of the newspaper. Those people seem to belong there, not my sweetheart. After she died it made me realise my own mortality, even made me question my faith to some extent, and when I went down the road that challenges the afterlife, I got panic attacks, just thinking about it.
Today, as time has moved on, I have accepted that her obituary does belong in that space in the newspaper. Its offical history. I have come to accept many things. I understand that I could not have gotten my kids to the age they are now, without her, but I do feel I can raise them better at their current stage in life than she was. She, being the free spirit, was more of a chance taker and took actions before realising the consequences. They moved residence almost every 6 months for 2 years we were divorced....wrecking havoc on their grades, social life and just about everything else. Me, being a more stable person, having a mortgage that is almost half paid for, STABILITY and someone who teaches self responsibility is what they really need. I couldnt give that to them on weekend custodial visits. they needed it everyday and if this hadnt happened, one or both would probably end up ill-prepared for the world that awaits.
That is the only thing that makes sense out of such a loss. Digging so deep, being so brutally honest about who she was, where she was going, and where she was taking the kids...although she loved them very, very much, she didnt understand that her lifestyle was affecting them in ways she couldnt comprehend.
I cannot apply such thinking in the loss of a child. I wouldnt know where to start in rationalising such a loss. My first step would be to take notice of all the lives she affected, what those changes evolved into, what they will become later on, and see what a huge difference she made in the lives of those she touched. Sometimes we dont see those differences right away, they take time to play out, then when you reflect, you understand how your child's influence on someone-else played a pivotal role in their life, starting with your own. Then my second step would be to search for the changes her death brought in my life, the new people that were ushered into my life due to her passing, the difference they have made in my life and the difference I have made in theirs, it all wouldnt have happened if she hadnt passed on. When you grasp those things, you understand that the passing of one person is cataclysmic and the ripple effect is enormous, spawning changes among many people.
When you figure out who they are, and what the changes were, it helps.
I am a firm believer that god has a plan for everyone, and when you want a clue at your future, just look into the past.
I didnt know when I refinanced my house in 2003 how important it would be.
Before Adrienne left me, I was at a breaking point. I felt so stressed, dealing with our marital issues, juggling time between the kids and work, that I was just praying for a break. I got a break when she left, I lived alone for 2 years, enjoyed a bachelor life on good income, and learned how blessed I was, when I had those kids living here everyday. I grew to understand how I took them for granted. Sitting in this house, listening to Christmases coming out of the walls, birthdays replaying at the kitchen table...it became my own living hell.
Today, I feel blessed that I have a second chance with them, I never take a second with them for granted, and I have patience with them that I would never have otherwise.
I wont ramble on anymore...I tend to do that when I talk about this but I want to leave you with one perspective.
We are taught to respect our elders. They have been there, done that, and have attained all the wisdom to prepare them for the after-life. Whether you think your daughter was ready to go or not, she has now surpassed the "elders". She has been there, done that, and attained all the wisdom needed to get her to god and gone one step further, she is there.
So treat her memory, and your thoughts of her, as the one who is wiser than you now. She knows things you couldnt possibly know. Just as a grandparent wouldnt want you tossing away your remaining years in sadness by mourning them, your daughter is no different, and wouldnt want it either.
God Bless you too.
D@N

Dear D@N******it is nice to hear from you even if it's in these circumstances. I had to think for a minute before i could post about your words. I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 22years. he is the father of my girls. since he was always "absent" I raised them alone. I as my Dad did love children more than life itself. I spent my life with my girls. It was the 4 of us always. didn't have much but to here my oldest today at 34 say "we didn;t have much , but we had my Mom and her love" has warmed my heart immensely. She is raising my grandchildren the same way. For the last 3 years before my daughters death I had divorced their father and for the first time had a life for myself. my kids were grown and out and about. My oldest was getting married and my "M" had just gotten engaged. youngest was 16. In walks my second husband so I know at this point I tool time away from my girls needs and focused on my own. I had fun. it was the first time in my life that I wasn't overburdened with responsibility. I never realized how much they missed my attention but loving me as they do they wanted me to be happy. I had the pleasure of spending the last summer before she died with her and the little girl she was nannie to. we went swimming, to the zoo, museums and sometimes they would just come to visit. I had a ball as I love small children so much. One day on the way home from the pool i remember crying in the car. I was so happy that my daughter brought me back to what's important. Children. From that moment on I was back to me and I did have the opportunity to thank her. I guess with the dating and new husband I had gotten lost. she found me. We talked one day about the past 2 years and I told her for anytime i had neglected her or hurt her i was sorry. It was a lovely talk between mother and daughter and friends.That's legacy she left me. You are so right. She was a wonderful, beautiful, kind, gentle young woman and I have said to the Lord many times I understand why it was her time. she was done. What a lovely person to have finished her work here so young and I have always felt flattered should I say that God trusted her in my care for the years I had her with me. 18 months later my daughter and son-in-law who never planned on having children got pregnant. The first time i held my grandson was the first time i smiled in 2 years. my grandchildren have brought me so much happiness, joy and love.
sorry I went on but I think we have both excepted the circle of life, as difficult as it is we have no choices here or a manual to teach us how to go on. God bless you and keep you and your children safe always.:angel:
Peace my friend,
ICC

Wow. Very touching. I wish you the best for the years to come.

Happy NewYear!
ICC, thanks for sharing some of the highs and lows and the highs again. How is the second marriage going, if you dont mind me asking? After such a long time being married to your first.....I am curious how the new hubbie is working out. I guess I should be asking how you are working out for each other,...we all know....it is a team effort.
When the clock struck 12am tonight, my daughter hugged me and said it was our first year without mom. I told her we made it through 7 months of last year, so we have a good headstart. This year will be the year of change and new direction.

D@N-----the first time you walk into a new year without a loved one is strange and scary. I felt like i was leaving my daughter behind. New husband . we will be married 12 years in the spring. we both were the one who was hurt in the first marriage. his ex liked to "get around" and one day he found her and saw her "getting around" they divorced immediately by mutual agreement after only being married 3 years. The first maybe 5 years was rough for both of us as we both had alot of baggage. My father-in-law used to tell us all the time that marriage is like a job. you have to work at it everyday. he was right. Today we are committed to each others happiness as well as our own, respectful of the others feelings and have become best friends besides husband and wife. we have both been through alot of hard times since we married and each of us supports the other with our whole heart.I hoped i helped you see that this is possible and that whether or not you carry your losses and "baggage" for 6 months, 1 year or ten the timing is not important. you can see i spent 10 years of my life living between 2 worlds. i didn't have to do that. when you go on you must go on in whatever way you feel is best for you and your children. I wish you and your family whatever each one needs in the New Year.
God bless,
ICC:)

hey everyone,
your stories have been very touching. this april would be 2 years since i lost my mum. i was so upset and devestated like everyone else is when they lose a loved one. but sometimes i go through stages when i dont cry and im happy enjoying life and i feel so awful. reading these posts has brought on the water works and im crying as i type this. do other people feel bad for laughing at times? i can go for ages without crying and feeling upset, like i go to the movies, beach, hang with friends like any other normal 21 year old but when i stop to think about it, i feel as though i should be more upset. on the 14 of this month will be 2 years since my cousin died. mum died 3 months after him. i remember when my cousin died i was so upset that my whole body was shaking, my mouth was drying up and i couldnt even hold the glass of water. but now i can got for ages without the need to cry.

shortie----all I can say is death of a loved one is one of the hardest thing any human can go through. God has given us no manual for dealing with the loss. I spent 10 years after my daughter passed feeling guilty every time I had a happy moment. Cry when you need to but please, please smile and laugh when you need to. We have to go and live our lives and I don't believe fore one minute any of our loved ones would want us to cry and never enjoy life again. hard as it is and scary sometimes.When I was able to have a good time after years I felt scared as I thought i was forgetting my daughter. I'm not. I'm sure she wants the same for me as I would have wanted for her if she lost me when she was only 21. enjoy, be happy and grieve when you need to.

Peace,
ICC:)

Dear D@n
Since I read your post several days ago, you and your family have been in my thoughts! Your story about your wife and kids touched my heart.True love is awesome and I wish you and your kids the best.
I wish you all a happy life!!!
TC

Dear Shorti and ICC,

I,m glad I read your posts, it will be one year on Jan 12 since my mom passed away and I miss her terribly, sometimes I feel guilty when I start thinking that maybe someday I'll be happy again or if I have a good time I feel I should be grieving. I still haven't had that one big release yet and I wonder when or if it is ever going to happen and what's wrong with me that it hasn't happened yet, I've had lots of small crying spells more than I can count. God bless and I hope you are all well.

Bill J, Toronto, Canada

Tiff, thanks for the prayers, and the thoughts. They are truly felt.

Bill---everyone grieves differently. When my dad died I barely had a tear. But since he was dying for almost of year I had grieved him for so long before he passed. I love him dearly to this day and miss him always but when he passed i was happy that he was out of pain and in peace. cry when you need to dry and smile when you can. it's your grief. no one else's. God bless.


ICC

Thank you ICC, your reply means alot.

Bill x

I am new to this board. I share the same sentiments with you all, I lost my love more than a year ago..I miss him so much

D@N,

I would like to say that I am so sorry for the loss! I can tell that you truly loved this woman and I am sure if she could turn back the time, she would of never have left you. You can tell that you are such a good Man and one that loves his Children. You being there for them and showing them love and happiness will help pull them threw this. Like some one else said, every body grieves in different ways, and you can't keep it bottled up. I just lost my Mom in March 2006 so I know how you feel. She was the love of your life, but as time goes by it will get easier and them kids is what will keep you going. God Bless you and the Children also!:angel:

Jan

Don - that was so beautiful. I'm so sorry for your loss. You know, you should think of getting in to writing. I started writing professionally about two years ago. You would be amazed at the freelance oppurtunities out there. You could never know how an experience you had, could touch someone else and help you heal in the process. You can get a writers market book at almost any bookstore. I know a writer when I see one.

Thanks for the compliment, When you write about such emotion, it can only be heartfelt. I have been encouraged to do as you suggested, I just have no idea where to go. I have found that writing really helps deal with these emotions. I could probably write for years and never grow tired.
Thanks again.
D@N

The book you need to get started is called THE WRITERS MARKET GUIDE by Sally Stewart. You can find it in any major bookstore in the language or reference section. It gives you contacts of companies, what they need, etc.

It also has a few pages about new writers and how to get started.

Good luck!

Thanks for the information, I will check it out.
The 1 year anniversary of her death is this Friday. I have agreed to let both kids out of school for this day. Its going to be tough for all of us. I will be re-living the day when my daughter called me at work and said "momma is dead" I will relive driving to their home, knowing their mom had been killed and seeing my son rocking in a chair....with a blank stare on his face as I looked through the living room window when I parked my car.
I can still see their house, the unsettling appearance of the place on the inside...the decor was 100% the way their mom decorated our home. I could tell it was her house...and she wasnt here anymore. It was cold and scary.
They were scared being in her home, knowing she was dead, they clung to me as the only stability they had, and as I drove them back to our home, they were just exhausted.
I talked to them both, told them I didnt know where the future would take us, but I knew we were a family, and we were all we had left. We had to take care of each other. So far, we have done that and we have made so much progress.
I only wish their mom was around to see her son growing as tall as his Dad. Her daughter wanting answers to questions on birth control...I wish she was around to see her daughter get her drivers permit 4 years before she got hers. What an achievement! She would have been so proud.
I am proud, and I will be proud for the both of us. I knew what Adrienne wanted for her kids, even though she had a tough time getting them there. I dedicated my life to making sure our vision happened. It cost me my career and a few bucks but the reward has been priceless.
It's like two people starting a business, and one partner vanishes just as the business begins to flourish. You want to make the decisions the partner would make, you want to call that person and celebrate successes....but there is no answer.

D@N,

Reading your story brought tears to my eyes and brought back not so great memories of my life two years ago. My ex-husband, and Father of my two daughters was killed in a car accident on 3/12/05. My girls were 11 and 7. I will never forget getting the phone call and the chaos I felt inside as I tried to stay calm while figuring out how to tell them. I will never forget the look on my oldest daughters face-she was a daddys girl, I will never forget her looking at me when she was told he didn't make it, I can't forget her voice as she said "Mom", looking at me to help her as I had always been able to fix her small problems....but I couldn't, and still can't fix this one. I can't stand all of the "Father/Daughter events that I suddenly now seem to hear with such abundance......there are so many things they will miss out on without a Dad. I also get upset when I need him here to help me talk some sense into them. No one will ever care about them like their own Father. I lost my dear Mom 2 months ago, it has been the toughest time of my life, I feel cheated because I lost my Mom at 40....then I think about my kids and I feel lucky to have had my Mom for as long as I did. Life sure seems unfair at times.........I am sorry for your loss and will pray for your family.....

Darlene

Time goes so fast, and I just want her to know that her babies are doing great, in the year or so she has been gone, our son would be taller than her today, his voice has changed and he has more girlfriends than I can count. The phone rings off the hook. Our daughter, who never had luck with guys, found a real treasure of a kid. He would remind her mom of me, when I was his age, also the same age we met. He is so protective of her, forgives her of her of her flaws and sees a real person inside. Not once in their 4 month relationship has he pressured her, or made any moves. He is shy but strong, tender yet protective.
While I dreaded her not being around for summer breaks and graduations.......I never knew that all the stuff in between would be so hard to appreciate alone. Our 21st anniversary will be next Wednesday. I hope God continues to bless me through that day.....I have faith he will...

Peace my friend,
ICC

D@N,
Your words have touched me..
I am so sorry for your lost.
I feel horrible of what happened.
but in the end.. everything will be ok
and she watches over you and your children
everyday and loves all of you very much.
Take care
xoxo

D@N, I'm glad to hear you and your children are doing good. I hope you find a way to answer all those ? they have! Take Care~Cherie

D@N,
I STILL OFTEN THINK OF YOU AND YOUR STORY, I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE HAD HARD TIMES, BUT YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR KIDS KEEPS YOU STRONG. I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT THEIR MOM LOOKS DOWN ON YOU ALL, AND SHE KNOW'S YOU ARE OK!!
GOD BLESS
tiff-cher

This is absolutely breathtaking.

God Bless You.

That was beautiful, and extremely sad to ready at the same time. I almost want to cry. You are a beautiful person D@N, I hope the best for you and your family.

D@n

In today's materialistic dog eat dog world, it truly means a lot to all of us that 'soulmate' and 'eternal love' are not just words to be penned in a novel but feelings and emotions that live on long after we are gone from this earth. You are one of the lucky few who have lived wonderful years with their true love and she is always with you and your kids till the end of time.

God Bless

Thanks to all for the great responses. This board is full of some very kind folks.
My biggest challenge today, is my current relationship. We have been seeing each other for just over a year, she has heard all the stories about Adrienne, she hears the kids talk about her, and when I talk about her my eyes light up, and I cant seem to stop. She feels like she is competing with a ghost. It seems unfair, I guess. This person is great, I really do care about her, and I love her, but she feels threatened by Adrienne, even though she is no longer a presence in our lives but she is still every much part of our lives. I know it sounds complicated.
Adrienne left me, and she cannot understand why I still hold the torch for someone who did that. Knowing Adrienne as well as I did, I understand fully why she made the decision to leave. I cant expect anyone else to. While I can be careful not to bring Adrienne's name up during conversations, the kids bring her up all the time. Anytime we are out together, and the kids see something that reminds them of a memory we had with their mom, she takes another shot and feels pushed out of the moment...while we, are living in the past.
I try to put the shoe on the other foot, and I know if it was me, I might feel the same way. I dont fault her for feeling threatened by someone who was such a big part of our lives...even though she has passed on.
Adrienne shared part of my childhood, and all my 20's and 30's years of growing up. Those memories we shared, just her and I are now just remembered by me, and she cannot appreciate them, she doesnt want to hear them (she does out of respect)....naturally she just wants Adrienne to go away and allow us to make our own memories without Adrienne being in the picture so much.
Being a good person, and loving me...she puts up with it.........being a human...she is sick of it. I fear I will lose her as well.

Hi D@N...It been awhile since we talked. I don't know how to tell you to handle this but can tell you what's been going on in my family. My son-in-law , who was married to my daughter who passed, is living with a girl he grew up with. She lost her live-in boyfriend of 3 years 2 weeks after my daughter passed. What are the chances??? They are expecting thier third child this month. They have never married and their daughter's middle name is the the same as my daughter's, his wife. his live in had no problem with this. Whether or not it bothers her that htey have never married I don't know. He doesn't seem to be able to get totally beyond losing his lovely young bride. I only have contact with him every couple of years as it's just easier for both of us that way. Too many reminders, too sad. The memories are with each of us everyday whether him and I have contact. I finally talked to him about picking up my daughter's bridal gown and some personal belongings , this comes after 10 years. I marked her 10 year anniversary by bringing her things home to me where I feel they belong. He has goneon in that aspect of his life as best he can. I on the other hand cannot go on in that aspect of my life as she was my child. I don't know if this will help any, D@N, but I wanted to answer you in whatever way I can. I wish you and your children the best always.

ICC

why has ICC been banned?

I don't know WHY has she been banned, she was a real good help with me and helped many people on the health boards ...If you are out there ICC I hope you are well and can get back on here soon... hugs to you my friend x

Mods why does it come up banned!!

Hi D@N

I think your situation is quite complex. You have to decide what works for you. Do we give up the dead to go on living? I don't think so, I think they live on somewhere, guiding us,loving us and waiting for us. I think it helps your kids immensely to keep talking about their mom. I can kind of relate since Ijust lost my mom couple of months back, I am 34 and I still can't get over it. taking about her is the only thing that keeps me sane sometimes. I hope things work out for you. It's realy hard, how much do you give up to go on living, to go forward?I know my mon would want me to go on and live my life to the fullest.

Best wishes

sita