Tony,

I'm very glad you found this board. This is the BEST place I've found for support. I'm reaching out to you because I was/am in the same shape you are (addicted to painkillers). Fortunately, (for the umpteenth time) I have gotten myself off of them. Sept. 23rd was Day 1. Relapsed for one day on Oct 2nd, but have had none since.

Click on my name and you can read my story (kind of long) but might be good for you to read, if you want to. I'm here to talk most anytime of the day...I patrol these boards a lot! It's my rock, along with my husband (who is a recovering alcoholic, with over 1 yr sober). So I know all too well the nature of addiction!

I'd love to help you any way I can. JUST DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST PILL!!! Sign on and post like crazy, or call someone...ANYONE.

God Speed to you. :wave:

It is so nice to have someone talk to me personally about this:) Let me first admit that I haven't even tried to quit yet. Did you quit cold turkey? How many days until you feel physically better? I'm worried that I'll be too sick to go to work and take care of my son for a long period of time. I know that this sounds really selfish, but it really will involve some planning. Should I take a day off of work and take my son to daycare? I just don't know what to expect and it scares the hell out of me. But, what scares the hell out of me more is not having an end to this. I know what would work best for me would be planning, but I'm not sure what I need to plan for. I've read your posts and see that the depression and willpower to stay clean is the worst, but I guess when I was sick for one night and half a day without any pills, I couldn't imagine feeling that way long term. It's so pathetic, I've been out of the army for 2 years, I jumped out of planes, etc, but this scares me more. I am ready to do it and can, I just want to know what to expect for the sake of my son and my job. I can do this tonight if anyone would be around to chat with.........I don't work tomorrow. would 3 days be enough time to start working again :confused: Thank you so much for getting in touch with me and sharing your story. You have no idea how helpful you have been. I can't believe that a place like this exists:angel:

Hi Tony,

I would reccomend a few days off work if possible and you will need to put your child in day care as you will not be feeling to great. and wont' be up to interacting with a child.. I have never seen a post from you but you will have W/D'S what is your usage and how long have you been using?

The worst part will be the diahrea and the achy feelings in your legs. Its like a bad case of the flu, no energy and lethargic and un mototivated to do anything so plan on needing around 3-5 days to lay around, and make sure your close to a toilet..

You should go and get some immodium, that will help with the runs. Its really no worse than a flu, we have all had that and survived it, so you can survive this.

Good luck, you can do it, you can do it.

Well, as for quitting cold turkey, yes, that's what I did. I found that EVERY time I tried to taper down myself, I could NEVER stop myself from saying F*** it, and taking all of them. Giving them to someone else to give to me was useless too...I would just be incredibly persistent and get my way every time. So, I dug deep, and did it cold turkey. VERY bad...But VERY doable...you are going to have to be committed to the max. It is SOOO worth it though. When you come out on the other side in about 4 days or so, the depression will lift, you will actually be HAPPY...Yes, happy W/O pills!

Then, it's the MENTAL game. That's where I fell short every time. I had the toughness to get through W/D, but complacency got me every time. I now have NA and I reccommend you go to some meetings too. Really helpful.

This will involve some planning, yes, you probably need to take several days off work. Hopefully you have some vacation or sick time. You can tell them you have the flu...it's very much like the worst flu you ever had. If possible, could you maybe confide in your Mom, or signifigant other about this so they could watch the baby? Because you won't have too much evergy for the first few days.

Since I read that you were in the Army, I know you already have the intestinal fortitude it takes to get through this. It is no cakewalk...hardest thing I've ever done. But you will feel so proud and at peace with yourself, knowing that you got over this...And then, you can begin putting your life back together and LIVING again. ;)

Read the Detox Plan on the first page written by a moderator I think...Anyway, it will give you some idea of what to expect. Post here often...I'm on here a LOT. Good luck to you and keep me posted on your progress. Reach down deeeep...You are gonna need it. :blob_fire

God Speed to you! :wave:

Hi Tony, Welcome to the board!! I was addicted to the pills also, I am here for you also. I can understand how you are scared to death about trying to go without the pills. When I was using, I couldn’t imagine going a few hours without them. I always had them with me and was always obsessed about them. It was absolutely crazy. If I ran out of pills, well, I was “sick” until I could get my hands on more. The sickness was the absolutely horrible. I have been clean since June 14th and if I can do it, then YOU can also!!! There is no doubt. You have to really want to do it. I did a 4 day local detox in order to quit the pills. I would suggest talking to people about your issue. If you are close to your parents, a friend, significant other. Anybody, you just need to talk to someone. If they love you, they will reach out to help. They might be shocked to hear it at first, but they will help you through this. If detox is not an option for you, then please call your dr and explain your situation. Please tell him you have heard about subutex and would like to have a script for about a week. I took it every 6 hours for the first 4 days, then tapered off for another 3 or so. You can also call any detox and talk to them about your issue and the best way to get help. You could always call Talbot hall here in Columbus. I called them before entering and they answered all of my questions. If you chose to go c/t. As you know, prepare for absolute pain for about 4 days. After that the physical w/d’s will prob be gone, but the emotional will start to creep in. I felt a lot of depression and anxiety. Had a panic attack in the grocery store. It was really horrible for me because I had never experienced anything like that before.
What has kept me clean is that I don’t ever want to go back to the fake happiness the pills gave me and I exercise daily. The exercise is the top thing for me. I cant give the exercise enough credit. At a bout the 2 week mark, someone on here told me to get off my a** and exercise. I jumped in the pool and started to swim laps. OMG the feeling was incredible. I was felt normal for a good 2-3 hours after that. Now, after a good workout, I feel much better for the rest of the day.
Blah blah blah. I’m in the mood to babble away-sorry. I hope you believe me when I tell you that life is so much better for me without the pills. If you decide to quit, I will be here for you every step of the way!!!

Thank you guys so much. I'm breaking out in a cold sweat just thinking about it. Fear, excitement, and knowing that I can do it because you all have. I take about 15 10/325 a day and Soma at night. :nono: Really out of hand. I don't know if I sound like I'm full of crap, but I'm going to quit November 8. I'll have four days off work after that night. I just don't want to set myself up for failure, and I can't take the time off work. I know that if I couldn't work, I would probably break down. I'm going to keep reading and posting hear so that I can be as mentally prepared as possible. I hope I don't lose any support by not doing it tonight, but I am completely serious and could really use your help:rolleyes:

Amen Tim! Very good post and excellent advice. I too vividly remember the obsession with the pills. Got crazy without them...cried, threw a fit...it was total insanity. Now that I'm clear headed, I cannot believe some of the things I did to get them. Trips to the ER...about a hundred or more over past 5 years, I had mild pain but greatly exaggerated it...whole nine yards. The things I'm thankful to GOD I did NOT do were forge scripts (too chicken) and sell my body for them.

I thank God every day, sometimes several times a day for my clear head. It is truly wonderful to "feel" again!

God Speed! :wave:

Oh no Tony...You won't lose my support. I think having a quit day is good, if it works for you. I highly doubt you will lose any of the other fine folks' support, either. :cool:

I really can't wait to see your posts change as you start to emerge your "new", "reborn", happy self again. It is an amazing transformation...and feels equally as good!!

God Speed! :wave:

I hear ya, it does feel great to "feel" again. I pretty much saw every ortho and urgent care in the city!! Crazy crazy crazy. I can relate so much to you.

Tony: Of course we will be here for you. It is up to you when the day to quit comes. You just cant see things like I can right now. I was just thinking, if you quit now, by nov 8th, you would be feeling so awesome!! Food for thought.
I was in the military also-usmc 91-95.

I know it's a long way off, but I already feel 100x more confident just from hearing your stories. I have also tried before on a whim, and it seemed too easy to start again. I think that if I pick a date, get everything out of the house, and know that I can stay in my robe and on the toilet (something I learned already:) )for 4 days I'll be set to start the mental part. By the way, urgent care, I had to remember which ones I went to so I wouldn't do consecutive visits..... seeing these things in type reminds me of when I first quit smoking. It makes me embarrassed to think of all the things I've done, time I've wasted, and Money! Plus, I can't remember what it's like to have a natural feeling. So pathetic. This is going to be the end of all this. I can't wait to keep you all posted.
By the way, where were you stationed?

I'm pulling for you. I was at camp swampy(Lejeune) the entire time. How about you?

Tony, you could start to taper down and be done by Nov 8th... your W/D'S WOULD be so much less if you started a taper plan maybe get down to like 5 a day, than 3 a day. Lots of people do that but it never worked for me. I always took what I had, and they would call my name constanley..

I have to take pain meds every day for chronic pain, and I have my husband hold them for me in a safe and I only get my allotment per day and no more. it works for me and I am so much better off this way. I was good for awhile than I started to slip up and would run out early. It was so awful having the W/D'S. Chronic pain and addiction is the worst case scenario, your lucky you don't have chronic pain... I wish you the best.

SS

Tony,

I was just sitting here thinking about our plight (addiction) and thought of something I wanted to tell you.

One of the biggest reasons I stayed depressed so long is because I hid my addiction from EVERYONE....including my husband and 2 teenagers. The lies, feeling absolutely worthless, like a piece of garbage...I'm sure you know what I mean (only because of the addiction...we feel ashamed, or at least I did).

When I finally came clean, OMG...the floodgates opened and the tears flowed...I was racked with sobs...could barely talk for a bit. But then, I felt like 1000 lb. was lifted off me. I felt BETTER. No more secret. No more lies. My hubby was there for me and knew why I was so sick. He waited on me hand and foot. It was *almost* bearable, knowing that I wasn't going through this all alone, like so many times before.

If you can, tell someone who loves you. That's just my 2 cents of advice for you hun. It WILL help you. :)

God Speed! :wave:

First let me tell you how proud I am of all of you and how much your advice and stories have already meant. I can relate to everything you say, and just not feeling alone with this anymore means more than I can say. I know that I will be able to do this in a little while, and I'm so anxious but ready. The fact that there are going to be people there to talk to and cheer for me will mean the difference between beating this and losing. I don't like to let myself down, but having you all will give me that extra push. I'm still planning on waiting, because I think that will work best without having to deal with work, but I am dead set on doing this. I want you all to know that I'm always around to listen if any of you run into hard times. From what I've read today, that happens often....Just remember you've already changed one other person's life including your own. I can't believe there are people out there so willing to reach out. Sorry I'm getting sappy. I've been playing with my son and thinking about how different things are going to be:cool: By the way, I was at Ft. Bragg in the 82nd airborne division. I can relate to the north carolina hell too!!!!

Hey Tony...Just checking in to see if you are OK today. Hope you are doing good. :)

God Speed! :wave:

Tony$123,

I tapered for a long time when I knew I was finally out,and I couldn't find it in myself anymore to sit in an Urgent care center and do the whole song and dance. I tried CT and my anxiety and the physical W/D's was way too much..no way did I want to do that again. But, that experience helped me realize that tapering was the only way I could do it and work, semi-function, and not have a panic attack. I had enough to taper for about six weeks, and I did it, out of pure fear of CT. The last few days I really tapered, down to a half a pill, that I felt I needed in the morning to ward off the sweats and aches. After I got down to a few pills, I didn't want to experience the anxiety of having no more, so I stashed them away as though they never existed. I still have them. It doesn't matter, and every time I walk past the drawer they're in, I just feel this thing like I could never put another down my throat. I want to flush them, but I suffer from anxiety so I keep them there. They won't serve any purpose, so I figure I'll be moving next spring (I will be) and throw them out with everything else when I move on with my life.

I would personally recommend starting your taper now, before Nov. 8th, by just a little every day. Just a half works..trust me. You won't feel W/D's much, maybe a tiny bit of diarrhea, maybe some sweating or anxiety, but nothing a couch and some other comfort like a cup of tea or some popcorn can't ward off at first. Once you taper more and more, you may feel like you will break down and cheat, but think about full-blown W/D's and you'll get past the craving. This worked for me, so I am not preaching to you and what you should do. It was the only way for me. CT was a horrible option for me. I had to work and function..I had no option. Tapering to me was the kind, gentle way and, as I did it, I followed some of the detox suggestions such as B vitamins, exercise, and I was hooked on homemade smoothies and tons of fruit and V-8. My energy started returning in bursts, but I won't lie..there were some W/D's and that's a fact of all of this. But for me, I finally did it; the transition just was different.

I'll pray you do well in whatever you choose..it is your choice. You sound intelligent, and you obviously have responsibilities with your family and job. Do what works for you, and what will set you up for success in this. There is a taper schedule posted by many here, worth another look I think.

Good luck and keep posting.

Lisa

Thanks InRecovery and Lisa. I'm still here waiting for the "day". Thanks for the tips Lisa. I suffer from anxiety too. In college it was so bad I fainted a couple of times. I wonder if I need to take that into account like you did. I think I'm going to taper, and then just stop on the 8th. I'm going to make out a schedule like the ones suggested here. I need to start today, or there won't be much tapering involved! How long have you guys been clean? Do you think this board could substitute for NA? I might be able to go once a week and I would like to, because talking here has benefitted me so much. I hope you are all doing well and having good weekends. Remember, you don't want to be back were I am!! I'm spending my morning waiting on UPS and writing out a schedule. I'm like a slave. Go out and have fun!! I'll be joining you soon:wave:

Hey Tony,

I am going to have fun today, because today is VERY special!

Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. Even better, it's the first one for me, in the last 5 years or so, where I'm sober...and not doped on pills. WOW! Feels great!

Hubby has been so supportive. He is my rock. We are going to a movie today and then an early dinner. I'll be checking in later so, Tony, have a good day and I can't wait for you to feel as good as I do! You are truly going to be amazed...even though you will wonder if it's ever gonna happen. IT WILL. :cool:

God Speed! :wave:

Happy Anniversary!!! I'm so happy for you:) You've got what I aspire to have, and I'm glad you know how lucky you are. I guess it's not just luck, but lots of hard work and will power. Have fun. I'm so proud of you!!! Give your husband lots of lovin' for sticking by you:angel:

Hi Tony&123,

I have been off hydros since August. The things that helped me this time were: tapering, the memory of prevois horrible W/D's the first few times, having some meds to get through the tough times such as the Buspar for anxiety as well as Clonazepam for anxiety and restlessness, exercise, and big 6 B vitamins.

I have an excellent therapist who wanted me to go to NA and Alanon, but I didn't. I should've and still may; we talk about it each meeting. I do get cravings occasionally, but the support would also be for learning how to be good to myself, to get rid of bad habits and learn how to cope with stresses without feeling like I need come chemical relief. I still do drink sometimes in the evening, about 2 glasses of wine, but not every day, and I stop at two now. However, just the fact that I feel I need it to relax, and with my prior addiction, I do think it has become something I need to address professionally. I do feel I am over the hump, and I just want more time to pass, that I don't remember how it felt to have that release of hydros. On the flip-side, I remember how horrible I felt when I was on them and trying to function at work, wishing I had energy and a clear mind. I remember the anxiety of running low on pills, running out, and waiting to get more. I remember flushing $250 dollars down the toilet every month. So, it's still a bit of a mind game, and I do think that NA or Alanon (my ex-husband has a drinking problem, and so did my father), would help to move on emotionally and focus on better habits and lifestyle.

You can do it, of course you can. If you stop, you will get better, you won't get worse. That's a fact. But to be successful everyone is different. Like us, with the anxiety, we need to be set up properly when it get's bad in W/D's. But my anxiety has actually gone down after weeks of being off the hydros. Because the physical symptoms of being on hydros and W/D mimic some anxiety symptoms (rapid heart rate, hot flashes, dizziness), I think those drugs were making my anxiety 10x's worse.

Stick to a taper, you won't regret it. This board will help you every day when you crave more than you should take and ruin your taper. NA will give you a better chance of getting off of them and staying off of them. I need some support group, because I just feel I am worth it, and want a better shot at living healthier and reinforce that hard work I've done in getting where I am now. I know I'll end up going to a group meeting soon, as the holidays are right around the corner, and last year they were awful for me with the divorce, and the addiction, and a bad bout of W/D's. I think I'll need the support.

Keep posting, and let us know how the taper is going. We can talk you through craving and be supportive when you are feeling crappy.

Lisa