Hi, I just wanted to post where I know others will understand. My mom died 5/21 of this year - exactly five months ago. It still feels like yesterday...as if time is standing still and the grief is still so gripping.

I miss her so much...thanks for listening.

It is hard to think of anything to say about death and dying that will be helpful or cheer you up. I miss my Mother and Father who have passed on. I am comforted by the fact that I will see them again when they are resurrected.

It is hard to get over the death of someone you love, I feel empathy for your loss. I hope this has helped you.

I know how you feel, I lost my dear mum on the 2nd of febuary of this year.

I miss her so so so so much she was my bestest friend, I wish with all my heart that I could hold her and tell her how much I love her!!
She was 61 years old, I am 41 I dont think it matters how old we are we only have one mum.
I also lost my died 7 years ago so I feel like I am no ones Daughter anymore.

Since my mum died I have had many health problems, I have not been well for 9 months I have been I npain under my ribs everyday and stomach pain, I have been told that I am going through the menopause, I also have a underactive thyroid.
You can see what stress can do to our bodys, I f you need to talk I am on the boards most days, take care ...Mandy

Hi,

I was just sitting here at home tonight missing my mom too and then I got on the computer and saw your post. I've had many conversations with God lately about things. One of them being that I understand that my Mom is with Him but why can't we find out for sure that they are okay and how they are doing? Why can't we find out if they are happy? Is our faith suppose to do it all? My faith is wavering because I just don't understand why it is so difficult for God to just let us talk to our loved ones who have passed just once to make sure they are okay!!!!!! I could live the rest of my life easier just knowing this.

All I want is to talk to her and hug her and love her one more time. Why can't I do this? Nothing in my life is happy anymore. NOTHING.

I'm sorry if I'm depressing anyone this is just how I feel right now. Somedays I just want to die so I can be with her. All I have to look forward to is working for the rest of my life. I have no children and a husband who doesn't think it's any big deal. My house is dirty because I'm too depressed to clean it.

Just another Sunday in my life.

Robinbird I know how you are feeling, It hurts real bad we only have one mum, sending you ((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) ))) from the UK !!

Take care ...Mandy

Hi,

I was just sitting here at home tonight missing my mom too and then I got on the computer and saw your post. I've had many conversations with God lately about things. One of them being that I understand that my Mom is with Him but why can't we find out for sure that they are okay and how they are doing? Why can't we find out if they are happy? Is our faith suppose to do it all? My faith is wavering because I just don't understand why it is so difficult for God to just let us talk to our loved ones who have passed just once to make sure they are okay!!!!!! I could live the rest of my life easier just knowing this.

All I want is to talk to her and hug her and love her one more time. Why can't I do this? Nothing in my life is happy anymore. NOTHING.

I'm sorry if I'm depressing anyone this is just how I feel right now. Somedays I just want to die so I can be with her. All I have to look forward to is working for the rest of my life. I have no children and a husband who doesn't think it's any big deal. My house is dirty because I'm too depressed to clean it.

Just another Sunday in my life.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling this way Robinbird. I think most of us here have experienced something similar to what you're going through in both terms of losing a close loved one and questioning our faith. Life is often unfair and for the most part, it's quite a testing place to exist. I am personally not overly religious, but I do definitely belief in a life after death situation. As to exactly what that might entail, I do not know, but I figure a lot of what we do here is a learning process. Learning to deal with life - and learning to deal with death.

Life's burdens can often get on top of us and can make it very hard to deal with. If we cannot focus our thoughts on getting the answers we need to move on, we often either lash out in frustration, or withdraw from the situation. But in either case, we have difficulty in dealing with the situation and moving forward in life.

I would say to you that you might need to see someone about what you're going through. Depression can be treated, both medically and through counselling and you definitely sound like you need some TLC and an ear to bend right now.

Best wishes and god bless.

To Sueb2b,

I'm sorry for taking over your thread. I didn't mean to. Thanks for posting that you're missing your Mom, I understand, and I'm sorry I dumped all over every one about missing mine.

Thanks to you kind folks who did respond to me. Ha Ha, and to think I'm already on anti-depressants! Seriously, thank you.

Robinbird

HI,
I do know how you feel,my own mom passed 6/12 this year.I'm 70 and she was 92. Age does not matter you are NEVER prepared for it.At times I wonder how could this really be.When I lost my dad I felt the same way so I know time will help alot,however,I'm not there yet.I'll be thinking about you.
Take care,Ali

thank you everyone for your warm responses. (and robinbird, don't be silly about taking over my thread...).

it helps to know i can come here when i'm at my lowest, and i'll be understood. there really is no word to describe that state, is there? i read a post here, can't remember which one (sorry) that said "sometimes i want to die to be with her". i feel that way when i'm at those low points....it just feels too incomprehensible to spend the rest of my life without my mom. so wrong. and it doesn't help that i'm single, childless and don't have a lot of friends right now......

i'm sorry for all of our losses. thanks for being here.....

I also miss my mum desperately. She passed away on 12 October, a few minutes before i got to her and i feel completely broken!!

My heart has been wrenched out and stamped on a few times and i feel totally lost.

Its so hard.....

Love Emma

oh emma,

i'm so so sorry....it's such a hard place to be in : ((((((( and it's still so fresh for you.

re: your mom passing right before you got to her....this is very common. people are always talking about how the person "waited" for someone to get there...and while this is also true sometimes, it's not uncommon for the person to need time without loved ones, or a certain loved one, in order to die. i think it's because the emotional connection keeps them pulled into their bodies too much, keeping them tied to the earth plane. well, that's one theory i've heard, anyway.

i remember the first couple weeks after my mom died, i felt her presence around me. i hope you can too. she's there for you...

(((take good care)))

Hi everyone....

I too am missing my mum, she died just over 3 weeks ago on 13th october am like you emma feeling totally lost......i still can't believe this has happen....i want her back sooo much, the pain is unbearable.

Hugs to everyone from me
Meeshy
xxx

I lost my mother and best friend in Dec 2001, it will soon be 5 years and I cry daily. Here I am a 46 year old man crying for his mother, yet I can't stop.
I feel so blessed to have gotten to know her as an adult and for her to have gotten to know me not as her child, but as an adult also. We were truly friends. I will always miss her.

I miss my mom too. And it's been nine years since pancreatic cancer took her from us. My grandmother passed away three years before from old age. She was 90. And I had lost my childhood 19 year old cat a year before my mom died. My mom was only 62. I'm facing a possible cancer situation for myself and now I think a lot more about the last days of her life. We had taken her beloved cocker spaniel to see her one last time. She was so weak she could barely hold her head up. But she did so for me anyway. I remember looking at her into her eyes and there was something in her I'd never seen before. She had a golden glow about her and something far away in her eyes. Maybe that was just me projecting my spiritual inclinations. We told each other "I love you." And then whatever what holding her up, her head just fell back down to her chest. She had requested to see her dog that day, even though to the best of my knowledge she was never told she was terminal. But I think maybe people just *know* after a certain point. I don't know why she would have requested to see her dog if she didn't know. Something I will always wonder about.

She was so brave. I guess having to deal with my grandmother who was a difficult patient, she didn't want to put me through that. I would try to help her but even through her legs appeared to feel like they had lead weights attatched to them, she would drag herself up into the bed. I guess it was one of her last gifts to me. My last gift to her was to lull her into a sense of security that I was ok. She somehow thought I was getting married even though I had broke up with my fiancee. So I just agreed with her, knowing I'd never be able to marry because of my anxiety disorder. I've never found a man yet that would put up with a woman who can't drive or work and needs a lot of attention when I'm having my frequent panic attacks. I've learned to live with that fact. But I wanted her to know there'd be someone there to take care of me if she was ready to slip out of her body and join Heaven. I wanted her for once in her life to not have to worry about me and feel free to do what *she* wanted for a change.

I'm 36 and I still "want my mommy". :( It's so hard to be alone and pretty much housebound while I've been so mysteriously ill. My 83 year old father tries to help me (and me him) but he has endstage emphysema. I do not know how he gets around. The other night I thought I was going to lose him too. He had a spell where he could not get any air in hardly at all. I really can't ask him to drive me 20 miles for doctor appointments. We barely make it to the store every two months. And he has enough dr. appointments for himself. Bless his heart, he tries. Sometimes it's just too much.

But I was much closer to my mother, when I lost her, I lost a part of me too and I never have found it again.

I'm sorry for all of us. newsome, i lost my 19+ year old kitty a few months before my mom died this year, and I am single too. It's a scary place - to be alone with your grief. Have you tried getting help for your panic attacks? There's no reason you shouldn't get help when so much is avlbl out there - both therapy and meds. What a gift you gave to your mom, allowing her to believe you weren't alone. It's clear how much we all loved our moms, how lucky we were and are....

I've been in treatment for my anxiety since 1990. It started when I was 20. Unfortunately, anti-depressants don't do much for me. And I find the side effects too hard to live with. The latest drug they put on my menu was Seroquel. They told me to watch out for painful muscle spasms in my mouth and tongue. I came home and saw a commercial with a class action law suit against the drug. So of course I never took it. I'd rather just have benzo therapy but doctor's won't do that anymore. At least none of the ones I can go to here that take medicaid. I do get some benzo treatment, klonopin but it's not really enough to do me any good. I'm only to take a half of a 0.5 pill per day. That wouldn't even settle one of my cats down. They don't offer psychologists where I go and I can't find one who takes medicaid. They do have social workers but I don't want anymore social workers. Besides, it seemed my counseling appointments with them were spent mostly filling out paper work to satisfy medicaid. Medicaid leaves you with few choices for care.

My mom also suffered from anxiety most of her adult life and wasn't treated and would self-meidcate with alcohol and over eating. She got up to 200 pounds which just added yet another risk factor for cancer. I've done the same only not with alcohol. It's sad people have to suffer like that and go to such lengths for relife. It's just not right. I hope someday they can figure out a way to get everyone decently insured and not just left to fend for themselves medically and in the mental health system. Some states are better than others. Missouri is one of the better ones which scares me lol. At least my GP is wonderful and the hospital seems to have all the latest tech. My GP had like a PADD from a Star Trek episode he was using. He said he wished he had a medical tri-corder too lol. Wouldn't that be convient for both patient and doctor!

Sorry to hear you are alone as well. It is not at all easy. If it wasn't for my cats, I'd probably lose it. I don't think it matters how old you are, there's always that little girl/boy part inside you that wants your mom. I count myself lucky though, as many people with living parents don't get on with them at all so at least I have the good memories and the lessons and good heart she gave me. Some will never have even that. I hear adults say that they hate their mom/dad and have nothing to do with them. It's so very sad. It almost hurts me to hear people say that because I so wish I still had a mom. I can't imagine hating my parents and never want to.

Hi Sue,

My condolences to you and everyone who has lost someone they loved be it human or furry. My mom died 5 weeks ago and you know there's noone who can ever fill that empty space. In her case I had been her primary caregiver for 8 years after she had suffered a stroke in 98. This summer it was heartwrenching to see the downward spiral when she couldn't walk or stand anymore. On Sept 30 she had a massive stroke and died 5 days later. I knew it was best for her to go since her body was too damaged to contain her spirit any longer but it's always hard to say goodbye. I told her to go with the angels when they come, I read her poems that she liked and played her favorite music for her and said goodbye, My mom will always be with me in my memories and someday those memories will bring more smiles than tears and I can feel blessed to have had her in my life. I wish the same for all of you.

Hi,

It has been one calendar month today since my brave mum lost her battle against cancer and still it does not seem real to me!! Some days i get by but other days i feel an overwhelming sadness and wonder what the point is in carrying on without her as nothing is the same anymore.

I am currently signed off work and have been since the middle of september when we found out her cancer was terminal. I am on anti-depressants and the thought of going back to work makes me feel sick with worry!!! It feels to me as though going back to work makes everything seem normal again but life will never be normal for me since i have lost the very centre of my world.

My dad is going to scatter her ashes next weekend with my aunt and uncle and i was asked if i wanted to go but i cannot bear the thought of seeing my mum as just a pile of ashes as it is far too painful for me. Thankfully my dad understands.

When does this dreadful pain get easier?? For me it seems to be getting worse. Is it better to go back to work even though the thought makes me panic or is it better to stay home and try to come to terms with it all??? I do not know the answer to this.

All i know is that everyday i wake up with the heartbreaking realisation that i cannot call my mum, visit her or even tell her that i love her anymore. I am forgetting her voice, her smell, everything about her. After she had died, i sat with her for ages looking at her face and trying to memorise everything about her features so that i always have a picture in my mind but it is fading already after a month and it frightens me to think that it will fade even more as time goes on.

Christmas is coming and i cannot bear it. She loved Christmas, it was her favourite time of year and mine but now it all seems pointless. The rest of my family feel the same but we have to do it for the children but i am dreading it so much this year and my birthday is also coming up and knowing that i will not be receiving a card from her this year is incomprehensible.

Any answers to my questions would be much appreciated and my heart goes out to everyone else on here who has lost their mother as it is the hardest cross to bear!!

Love Emma,xx

Emmalou,

I know exactly what you are going through, me too. I will tell you this, going back to work will help tremendously. My Mom passed September 10th. Work has literally saved my sanity.

My Mom never saw where I worked so this is what I do to help myself and it probably sounds weird. I talk to her like I've brought her with me. I swear I feel her with me as I do this. She was always interested in hearing all about my job and now she can actually see what I do. Also concentrating on my work gives my poor brain a break from the grief for a little while. But while I'm working I can hear my Mom saying to me that that is what I need to do to continue living as she would want me to. She doesn't want me to stay holed up at home where the grief surrounds me every minute. She wants me out among friends and being productive.

It was hard at first with everyone asking about me but after a while they all went back to normal even though I didn't feel normal. But I can now say after 2 months have passed that work has saved me. You might go back part time if you can but after awhile it will be okay. You may even feel bad for awhile because while at work you may not think about her for a few hours and you will feel guilty. But just remember to think how much your mom loved you and she knows you need to get better, even if you don't think you can.

Just getting up in the morning with a purpose and a routine to follow will help. I swear I didn't think I could do it at first but it really helped me. You do what you think can do, one step at a time, one day at a time.

I used to call my Mom every day when I got home from work so now I talk to her inside my head just like I use to on the phone. It helps me.

I hope I've helped some. Truly I know how you feel and you are in my prayers.

Robinbird