Good morning to all. I really need to vent and by chance I happened upon this sight. Ok, here goes~ about 7 years ago, I was hit by a car. My husband (bf at the time) tells me I tried to kill myself, I really don't remember that day or most of my teenage year for that matter. Anyway, both of my legs were broken, needing titanium rods, and I had a t.b.i. I was in a coma for almost 4 weeks. It was a long hard road,but here I am. At the time of the accident, I was a pretty bad person. I lied, cheated, stole, you name it. I think I was just starting to get my life together my husband (now) and I had a 21/2 yr old daughter. And yes, the were both there when I got hit. They saw everything. So the past few years since I got hurt, I lost a baby, both grandmoms died, my mom slit her wrists, and 1 yr after I got married, my brother committed suicide. Is this karma coming back and kicking me in the as@?One good thing, in August 2005, I gave birth to our son. 2 yrs to the day that my brother died. I try to be a better person/Mom everyday. Some kids aren't even allowed to play w/ my our daughter, because of me. No matter how much I think I've changed, its just no good. Moving is not an option~your past always follows w/ you. I made a promise that I would never leave my kids, I saw what my brothers death did to his kids and our family. I am so so sad all the time. I put up a good front when I'm around people. well, hate to cut it short, lol, but my little one is up.Any advice opinions will be appreciated.

Sweetie, karma doesn't work this way. Yes, you reap what you sew, but you weren't in full control of your faculties....i.e....serious depression. It sounds as if your husband is correct in the fact that you may have been trying to end it. I understand more than you'll ever know. But, after having also suffered a head injury and depression prior to it...I can tell you that it is very likely that you will continue to suffer from it if not treated and you may find yourself there again.

I can tell you that when pain outweighs the strength we have to deal with it, death is never far from your mind. I almost did it a few years back, after having two beautiful boys. I had convinced myself that they would be better off w/ out me and told my husband to make sure to find my boys a good mom and one that was healthier than the one they had before.

For whatever reason, you and I are both here today and that is no accident. It's just not. Now, you have a choice and that is to learn from what you've been through and find the blessings hidden within the traumas you have experienced. I can tell you that I have lost just about everything...last year my mom (she was 46), my dad when I was 4, my brother at 20 and sister at 6, many friends, family members (even two to murder...seperate ones), in total, more than 50 and I'm not quite 30 yet. But, I do not believe this was done in retribution.

I see by your history that depression and suicide and attempts run in the family. You need to seek counseling and medical intervention to keep from cycling through this again. It's not worth the pain, there's hope.

You may still be able to seek help with regards to your t.b.i...I am 13 years post tbi and am still struggling with it. I just recently attended a 2 day conference in my state for tbi survivors and professionals. I met a wonderful man who owns a couple of centers for tbi survivors and he took the time to speak with me and give me more hope than I could have dreamed of in just a few minutes.

The desperation creeps up on you slowly and then one day, you realize it has become a constant companion...one that no one needs nor wants.

You are not paying for the past...you are paving the way for the future and this can be done in light of the obstacles facing you today....you just have to keep pushing forward. Some days are slow, others better.

I have been asked to do public speaking, but I struggle w/ the fact that IMO I shouldn't do it unless I'm well adjusted and accepting of my injury and the truth is, I'm not some days. But truth of the matter is, again, IMO, no one is ever 100% okay with being different. It's hard, but thankfully, those days are fewer in number than my days that I am okay.

I know about painting on the happy face and hoping no one notices. This does not serve you well. Do not mope, but do not hide or deny.

Can I help you in any way? Is there any questions you have about your injury, the effects, the depression, etc?

I have a feeling you just need to open the can of worms....shoot, I'll help ya fish with 'em if you open the can! I've become quite the fisherman!

I hope this finds you well, sweetie, take care of you and your babes.

Angel

Angel, thanks so much. You've really opened my eyes, I know I'm not alone. I'd like to take you up on your offer, I do need to open that ol' can of worms, lol! ]. Again, thanks.