Sillygrl
10-24-2006, 12:39 AM
Hello, I have OCD and have had for several years. I have the usual, intrusive horrible thoughts that cause guilt and grief. Lately though it seems my OCD is changing a tad and getting worse. I am going through this, "did I do it?" thing. Like if I hit a bump in the road and I worry incessantly if I hit a person. Or if I have a horrible thought of doing something, like poisoning someones coffee, I will convince myself that I did. I will worry and feel sick with regret for "maybe" doing something when I cant even recall how I could have done it. There are no signs pointing to myself doing it, except the sick things going on in my mind. Can anyone relate? Is this worse than OCD? Am I totally psychotic? I am just so darn sick of this! I am a good person, I know this. What scares me the most is ruining the good things I have in my life by harming someone. Another example of my sick mind is. Lets say I go into a public restroom, I will have a horrible thought of harming the person in the next stall! Horrible, I know, it makes me sick writing this! Then I will seriously worry that I really did hurt that person. I will look at my hands to see if there is any sign I did anything and I will rack my brain to remember if I did anything. I am psycho, thats all there is to it. This sounds so crazy when I type it out. Please tell me there is someone else who can relate!
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HamuChan
10-24-2006, 08:50 PM
Don't worry sweetie, your mind is just playing tricks on you. I don't have OCD, but have panic/anxiety disorder. I was convinced for a while that an airplane was going to crash into my house. Sounds unrealated but sometimes we can convince ourselves of some funny things. If you had done something to someone you would certainly remember and be aware of it. Your OCD is just trying to convince you otherwise. We're here for you!! You'll make it through this tough time in your life.
Try to stay calm and try to remember that you mind is playing tricks on you! :wave:
HamuChan
Try to stay calm and try to remember that you mind is playing tricks on you! :wave:
HamuChan
BadMalibu
10-25-2006, 12:04 AM
Silly Girl-
You are far from psychotic, so don't let your mind play tricks on you. First of all you have to realize that these thoughts you have is your sub-concious minds way of saying, "hey. There's something bothering me and you're not dealing with it, so I've got something that will get your attention!" Your sub-concious is trying to get your attention by smacking you in the face with something that scares you so that you'll deal with why you're having these thoughts.
Lets think about this for a minute. Why do we have these thoughts? What purpose do they serve? First off, something is bothering you that you're not dealing with and your sub-concious knows it. Secondly, if you have thoughts or compulsions, you don't have to worry about what's really bothering you, all you have to do is think about your obsessions. It's sort of like reading a book to take your mind off of things. Your brain is using OCD to get you to think about and worry about something else so you don't have to deal with the real issues that are causing the OCD.
OCD is a response to stress and problems, it's your brains way of dealing with things. Some people drink. Some people do drugs. Some people take prescription medications. Some people withdraw from society. Some people jog. Some people workout. Some people do needle work. Some people go swimming. Fact is these are all ways to relieve stress and deal with problems, and these activities help take your mind off of things. Your minds way of taking your concious thought off of things is to have these images pop into your head so now you're not thinking about OCD and not what's really bothering you.
We are 1 and 2 of an estimated 1.5 million pepole in the United States that suffers from OCD. You're not alone, and you'll never be alone. Just remember that there are alot of other people that have the same thing you do, and you're not alone.
I would highly recommend that you seek out a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist that specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders. Medication will help take the edge off, but medication should be used in conjuntion with good therapy.
Don't give up. Never give up. With therapy and medications you'll start to feel much better....:D
You are far from psychotic, so don't let your mind play tricks on you. First of all you have to realize that these thoughts you have is your sub-concious minds way of saying, "hey. There's something bothering me and you're not dealing with it, so I've got something that will get your attention!" Your sub-concious is trying to get your attention by smacking you in the face with something that scares you so that you'll deal with why you're having these thoughts.
Lets think about this for a minute. Why do we have these thoughts? What purpose do they serve? First off, something is bothering you that you're not dealing with and your sub-concious knows it. Secondly, if you have thoughts or compulsions, you don't have to worry about what's really bothering you, all you have to do is think about your obsessions. It's sort of like reading a book to take your mind off of things. Your brain is using OCD to get you to think about and worry about something else so you don't have to deal with the real issues that are causing the OCD.
OCD is a response to stress and problems, it's your brains way of dealing with things. Some people drink. Some people do drugs. Some people take prescription medications. Some people withdraw from society. Some people jog. Some people workout. Some people do needle work. Some people go swimming. Fact is these are all ways to relieve stress and deal with problems, and these activities help take your mind off of things. Your minds way of taking your concious thought off of things is to have these images pop into your head so now you're not thinking about OCD and not what's really bothering you.
We are 1 and 2 of an estimated 1.5 million pepole in the United States that suffers from OCD. You're not alone, and you'll never be alone. Just remember that there are alot of other people that have the same thing you do, and you're not alone.
I would highly recommend that you seek out a good Cognitive Behavioral Therapist that specializes in OCD and anxiety disorders. Medication will help take the edge off, but medication should be used in conjuntion with good therapy.
Don't give up. Never give up. With therapy and medications you'll start to feel much better....:D
Psychobabble
10-25-2006, 12:26 AM
Hi Sillygirl
-You are absolutely NOT psychotic. But I do understand how those kinds of thoughts can make you feel that way. It's classic OCD is what it is. And actually, by writing down the thoughts that you have, you are actually doing a sort of therapy!...so consider posting your forum as a way to talk to others who are going through the same things AND doing therapy :) After a while, the feelings of anxiety you get when reading what you've written will fade away because you'll begin to see how irrational the thoughts are and you'll learn how to just 'accept' the thoughts (I know this seems paradoxical because they are obviously thoughts you don't want to be having, but it works). You should definitely seek a CBT therapist (who can give you structured, professional treatment) or buy some books on OCD because they can both provide you with structured procedures on how to deal with the thoughts.
Also, I can totally relate to what you are going through. My OCD manifests itself in the pure-O form (obsessive thoughts with no real compulsions) so harm thoughts would often pop up in my mind. For instance, I remember when I was younger (and was going through OCD big time) and I went to the movies, the thought of 'what if I strangle the person sitting in front of me' would pop into my head. Needless to say it caused me EXTREME anxiety and I would ruminate for hours on end about why I had the thought. I would have these kinds of harm thoughts about family members that I was close to or my friends, children, etc. It feels horrible, but remember, it's JUST OCD. Everyone has these kinds of thoughts from time to time but those who don't suffer from OCD are able to pass them off as nonsense and move on. We, on the other hand, are not able to do this and get stuck on why we had them and the rumination just makes the anxiety worse.
So don't worry, you're not psychotic or wierd....you just have OCD and it can be controlled with proper therapy and knowledge about the disorder.
Good luck and hang in there!
-You are absolutely NOT psychotic. But I do understand how those kinds of thoughts can make you feel that way. It's classic OCD is what it is. And actually, by writing down the thoughts that you have, you are actually doing a sort of therapy!...so consider posting your forum as a way to talk to others who are going through the same things AND doing therapy :) After a while, the feelings of anxiety you get when reading what you've written will fade away because you'll begin to see how irrational the thoughts are and you'll learn how to just 'accept' the thoughts (I know this seems paradoxical because they are obviously thoughts you don't want to be having, but it works). You should definitely seek a CBT therapist (who can give you structured, professional treatment) or buy some books on OCD because they can both provide you with structured procedures on how to deal with the thoughts.
Also, I can totally relate to what you are going through. My OCD manifests itself in the pure-O form (obsessive thoughts with no real compulsions) so harm thoughts would often pop up in my mind. For instance, I remember when I was younger (and was going through OCD big time) and I went to the movies, the thought of 'what if I strangle the person sitting in front of me' would pop into my head. Needless to say it caused me EXTREME anxiety and I would ruminate for hours on end about why I had the thought. I would have these kinds of harm thoughts about family members that I was close to or my friends, children, etc. It feels horrible, but remember, it's JUST OCD. Everyone has these kinds of thoughts from time to time but those who don't suffer from OCD are able to pass them off as nonsense and move on. We, on the other hand, are not able to do this and get stuck on why we had them and the rumination just makes the anxiety worse.
So don't worry, you're not psychotic or wierd....you just have OCD and it can be controlled with proper therapy and knowledge about the disorder.
Good luck and hang in there!
Mel26
10-25-2006, 11:33 AM
HI SILLYGIRL,
I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEMS, MINE IS MORE WITH MY KIDS, EVEN WHEN I LOOK AT CHILDREN I GET A FRIGHTENING THOUGHT THAT I WAS LOOKING AT THEM INAPPROPRIATLY. IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH THAT I PRAY FOR FORGIVENESS ALL DAY LONG FEELING I HAVE BEEN INAPPROPRIATE OR FELT SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! SORRY FOR GOING ON ABOUT MYSLEF. IM HAVING A REALLY RUFF TIME RIGHT NOW..
:mad:
I HAVE THE EXACT SAME PROBLEMS, MINE IS MORE WITH MY KIDS, EVEN WHEN I LOOK AT CHILDREN I GET A FRIGHTENING THOUGHT THAT I WAS LOOKING AT THEM INAPPROPRIATLY. IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH THAT I PRAY FOR FORGIVENESS ALL DAY LONG FEELING I HAVE BEEN INAPPROPRIATE OR FELT SOMETHING INAPPROPRIATE, IT DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! SORRY FOR GOING ON ABOUT MYSLEF. IM HAVING A REALLY RUFF TIME RIGHT NOW..
:mad:
Sillygrl
10-30-2006, 01:05 AM
Thank you guys sooo much for responding! Your responses helped me in ways I cannot fully express. When I read them all it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It has been a long time since I was on here and I really needed the support! To the person who last responded please come on here all the time and talk, it helps soooo much! You are not weird, you have OCD and that you cant help! I know there are times you may feel like a total alien but your not. Come here and we can all help each other! Thank you guys all so much!
purplegirl1
10-30-2006, 07:21 PM
HI SILLYGIRL,
It is OCD. I have many thoughts like that too, especially the thoughts of "What if I kissed that guy" I am a married femaile who obesesses that I have "kissed" another guy, meanwhile I would NEVER cheat on my husband.. but that is always a though. I used to have thoughts I did something bad to the kids I babysat, my nephews, etc... and sometimes my thoughts are so strong while I am speaking w/ someone I get nervous that they can hear my thoughts, even though I know that they really can't... you are not alone!!!
It is OCD. I have many thoughts like that too, especially the thoughts of "What if I kissed that guy" I am a married femaile who obesesses that I have "kissed" another guy, meanwhile I would NEVER cheat on my husband.. but that is always a though. I used to have thoughts I did something bad to the kids I babysat, my nephews, etc... and sometimes my thoughts are so strong while I am speaking w/ someone I get nervous that they can hear my thoughts, even though I know that they really can't... you are not alone!!!
Sillygrl
10-30-2006, 09:29 PM
Oh I so know how you feel, I recently went to a party w my bf and our gay friend was all over me and it was just too weird, and I am now freaking out that I liked it. Oh geez I am messed up. I too would never cheat on my bf but I feel like I am capable of anything if it can merely run through my mind. I work with kids, its my passion and I am going to school to be a teacher! There are so many times where I feel maybe I am too dangerous to be working with kids! It makes me so sad, because I love the kids I work with. I want to be married and have kids someday, but I feel kids are impossible because of those horrible thoughts. If it kills me to think about kids that are merely aquaintances that way it will truly ruin me if I ever thought that way about my own flesh and blood. OCD really sucks. It takes over your mind and ruins all the good in life. It stops you from living to the fullest.
kalahari
11-02-2006, 05:46 PM
Hello, I have OCD and have had for several years. I have the usual, intrusive horrible thoughts that cause guilt and grief. Lately though it seems my OCD is changing a tad and getting worse. I am going through this, "did I do it?" thing. Like if I hit a bump in the road and I worry incessantly if I hit a person. Or if I have a horrible thought of doing something, like poisoning someones coffee, I will convince myself that I did. I will worry and feel sick with regret for "maybe" doing something when I cant even recall how I could have done it. There are no signs pointing to myself doing it, except the sick things going on in my mind. Can anyone relate? Is this worse than OCD? Am I totally psychotic? I am just so darn sick of this! I am a good person, I know this. What scares me the most is ruining the good things I have in my life by harming someone. Another example of my sick mind is. Lets say I go into a public restroom, I will have a horrible thought of harming the person in the next stall! Horrible, I know, it makes me sick writing this! Then I will seriously worry that I really did hurt that person. I will look at my hands to see if there is any sign I did anything and I will rack my brain to remember if I did anything. I am psycho, thats all there is to it. This sounds so crazy when I type it out. Please tell me there is someone else who can relate!
I just wanted to let you know that I too have suffered from OCD for many years also. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that just totally ruin my day. It feels as though I am being tortured by these thoughts almost every day. I just want to let you know that you are not psychotic. These intrusive thoughts that you have are something that you cannot control, neither can I control my bad thoughts. I truly feel for you, and remember you are not crazy. I bet you are a really great person. Yours truly, Kalahari
I just wanted to let you know that I too have suffered from OCD for many years also. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that just totally ruin my day. It feels as though I am being tortured by these thoughts almost every day. I just want to let you know that you are not psychotic. These intrusive thoughts that you have are something that you cannot control, neither can I control my bad thoughts. I truly feel for you, and remember you are not crazy. I bet you are a really great person. Yours truly, Kalahari
moderator2
11-02-2006, 06:08 PM
Please read and follow the posting rules.
Sillygrl
11-02-2006, 09:03 PM
Thanks you so much kalahari for your response and I too feel for you. I feel for anyone who goes through what I do. I know how it can really ruin your day. Do you have anyone in your life you can talk to about it?